Sometimes I feel alone
in a crowded room,
sometimes I feel cowded
when I am alone.

I am always alone in my thoughts,
pictures of the past hanging on
the walls of my mind
movies of my life rolling on
the screen.

Memories, never going back,
the past is behind me.

My shadow is what I leave
in photographs in my mind.
A ghost not yet dead.

Someday I too will be but smoke
in the wind, a photograph within
your mind.

Depression once told me
I am nothing,
I am but a piece of dirt
underneath your feet.

I fought its downing choke,
its pressure to be better than
myself.

I pushed myself into the light
scared and exhausted.

Depression is the heavest
ugliest monster waiting in
the darkest depths to pounce.

It knows your woes,
it becomes your fear,
it bruises your soul and
scars your self esteem.

Rolling in the deep,
towing your failures,
tugging on your heart strings
as it breaks one string at a time,
leaving you in silence
no more music for you
to enjoy.

Depression is the deep void
between nigh and day is nothing,
where I get lost amongst
the forest of my rolling thoughts.

Floods happen often here,
choking my breathable air,
clawing at my soul,
leaving me naked and afraid
deep inside the bowels of depression.

I beg myself, don't leave me here
reaching for my life with outstretched arms. Weak and
crawling on my belly from
the drenches of depression.

Depression taught me
I have only myself.

Depression also taught me,
the dirt is where life grows,
it is planted inside its girth
watered and fed by its growing roots. I chose where I plot my roots.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

The grass is usually green
The sky is always blue
That’s irrefutable they say.
But then sometimes
The grass turns brown
And the sky is black
With storm clouds.

Deep inside we always know
The grass returns to green.
The sky will soon be blue again.
Identical to Married love
That tends to wax and wane
With the passing of the years
While the basis stays the same.
                         ljm

I gave half of my heart to Jesus
And the other half wallows in doubt
Casting dark shadows over my soul.

Why does the road always seem crooked
When the Bible tells us that it is straight.
Is it because I can’t read the map clearly.

Why are my every-days so dark and gloomy
When God’s love shines with such a bright light
That only requires opening the shutters.

Biblical verse is awash in enigma;
Where one place orders that you must stand tall
And another proclaims that you need to bow down.

The  half I committed is safe and contented
The half that is doubtful is lost and alone
The two halves at battle have left me immobile
For neither has won and only I lost.
               ljm

Giving you a lot of space
Not communicating and realized trying is futile
Friends need to back off and regroup sometimes
Wishing you the very best of everything always
When you are ready to reach out an understanding ear or welcoming door awaits you
For now, take care of yourself

C@rainbowchaser2023