Diana

Oct 2022

Laura

if i was your type
would i be smaller than you in stature
the force of my words softer,
my thoughts easier to live under?
if i was your type
would i be a light read?
the picture painted black and white,
while my greys keep growing with age.
if i was your type
the stress of a minimum reaction
feels more natural than breathing,
the double texts reciprocal.
if i was your type
would you want me then,
in the same ways that i want,
for only the sake of company?

Diana Oct 2022

To Cry at Her Shore Only to be Turned Away

I love the sea
The consistency in her waves
Lapping at the shore
Gently
Ragingly
Lazily
Whichever way she chooses to for that day
The inviting nature of her ability to reflect light in a blurry haze
The reverence she doesn’t demand but nonetheless receives from environmentally entitled humans who are at her mercy when they decide to tread in her waters
I love the sea
So why do I recoil so viscerally at her pungent smell of salt and seaweed today
I’ve smelt it before
Even was comforted by it at times
But now
It’s too much for me
I must say goodbye early today
And turn away

This is a metaphor for a friendship I lost recently. Her and I were connected by the ocean and I considered her to be one of the soulmates I was gifted to meet here on earth in this journey.

Diana Oct 2022

Shattered Fragments of a Full Picture

Can we say we love someone
If we haven’t seen their shadows
Their relationship and expression of emotions society paints as “negative”

Diana Oct 2022

I hope so

Do you think that if you spend enough time at the beach
You would be able to smell the ocean
In the seams of your clothes and pockets of your jacket
Do you think it can linger and permeate
Like cigarettes and bitter goodbyes

Diana Aug 2022

to quiet the noise, even if for just a few seconds

how am I supposed to be gentle with myself
when all I know and am familiar with
is how to be destructive and cruel
in the most abusive way possible

is there a guide I can use
because I have nothing
and when the voices are this loud and dark
the hope within diminishes
day by day

I can honestly say that I am in the lowest point of my life. I am so fragmented and worn out. My friend mentioned how I deserve a break from all the pain and abuse, but it is as if they have become synonymous with my name. My therapist tells me to be gentle but how do I do that when I am so unfamiliar with the concept and am barely learning how to.

Diana Jul 2022

You are worth it

I hope you know
You are worth it

You are worth the time and energy needed
To gently break down the walls you’ve built
Protectively around yourself

You are worth the quiet moments
You are worth the noise

You are worth the rage
You are worth the laughter

You are worth the painful tears
You are worth the face splitting smiles

Inspired by a dark loophole my mind went down a few days ago where the most prominent thought running in my head was, “you are so pathetic, who would love you”? I then had a conversation with that thought and it ended up being this poem.