Sometimes I talk in my sleep
more than I do in reality

in a haze of make believe
some particular deceit

woven in amongst fears
and doubts  

stories of better days
daydreams noted down

Happiness is a day dream
spent in a London haze
summer in the park
laying in the grass

It’s a distant memory
of drinking white wine
talking about who we were
who we wanted to be

It’s a familiar ghost
like the faded colours
of that corner
on Blue Boar street

You are the feeling of walking in the cold
wrapped up in scarves and winter coats
a familiar song playing
at full volume in my ears
each step detached from the world
held in suspension from reality
as weightless as the sunlight

You are the fifth drink on a Friday night
hidden in the corner booth
in the same old bar
with the same stories retold
and the same laughs we always get
familiarity like warmth
like a whiskey

You are a fantasy
a safety blanket
just a nice place to be

Living is a case of accidental poisoning
watching ceilings at three am
dissociative days drowning in caffeine
to stay awake
to stay ahead
as anxiety taps your shoulder
an uneasy aching body
always wanting more
sleep
appetite
will to survive

I am fading from real life
turning into notifications
an unread inbox
of messages with emojis
(instead of emotion)
stuck behind blue light
just a digital version
of hope and hurt

Depression is
a life lived under water
numb to feeling
robbed of sound
falling
rising in the tide
at the whim of the waves
heavy
and hopeless

You are my safe space
the feeling of lazing in the sun
sand between my toes
listening to waves rolling in
holding melting ice-cream
as we rush to eat every scoop

A Sunday stroll
in hazy morning light
our feet keeping time
as we try to unpick our lives
in the darkened corners of the Pitt Rivers
You are the only place I want to be

The only person I need