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Deidre Lockyer Sep 2019
There is a bird
A soft white bird of such fragility
Uncertain of her welcome
Unsure she is worthy
I feel her tremble at each dawn
Bathe in her hidden tears each night
And wish...for an open door

There is a bird
A sad singer of winter songs
Whose heartfelt words won't form
Silenced by her fears
Of loss and loss of love
Scared to overstay her welcome
Tainted, too sad too long
She hushes...her door is locked

There is a bird
In a white bone cage
Fading into the grey and the pain
Wanting only what she cannot name or remember
Struck by Invisiblity
Just another troublesome bundle of wounds

Lost bird, unheard
Only the angels know
Deidre Lockyer Sep 2019
Days like these, when she sits there bright eyed
And her constellations whirl in accordance with
Sacred geometry
And the rabbit and horse know their names
Days like these there are breezes in the mountains
Rains in the valleys
And softly, lavender scents the moon

The clarion call wakes dreamers and thieves
The night brings its own lexicon of perhaps
Useless speculation graces our table
Tears fall in disarray again
The cutlery of thought clanging and ringing in discord
Ghosts in the ivory tower
Ghosts in the ivory tower

Days like these, when the hour hands stutter
And she burrows into the sacristy of almost sleep
Angels sing lullabies
The open gates of her world welcome Summer
Days like these there are beaches in the living room
Sandcastle sofas
And tomorrows grow in the sunshine

The clarion call wakes dreamers and thieves
Stealing her away, stealing her away
Prayers and bargainings rise and fall
Sepia photographs frame us
Moments of pleasure and joy pause for remembrance
Then all fall down
Then all fall down

Days like these when fate has no excuse or alibi
Love is sole mercy...
Days like these
Fade too soon
For my mother...we are facing her Alzheimer’s together, everyday
Deidre Lockyer Sep 2019
I felt your eyes drift from me
There, where life placed you
On this, the last day of winter
Brushing the season from your hair
Calm and quiet as I left and l,
Wondering, as you looked into the snow
Why the light just this way, on your face
Just, soft as my breath
How the world kept moving forward
with merciless grace
When in my heart everything was suddenly loud
Bruised with this
Wanting you in my arms, like a firebird
Destined never to be mine
Deidre Lockyer Sep 2019
Circling high above the grey
The Lily holds its secrets to its breast
This constant surge towards the forbidden
The lure, the pull towards the dark
Nestled safely in the light of comfort
But wanting the tear and the rip
Craving, in the shadows of silence
The blood and the rending

And every scarlet drop
Is my jewel

And behold, he bestows upon her
strange and redly gleaming
Deidre Lockyer Jul 2019
In the early hours
When the shadows breathe, bearing witness to our dreams
And there is quiet, and space to simply be
You come quietly into my mind again
Gracefully, on certain feet and wreathed in smiles that know no doubt
The rain pours down
The saddest rain of tears that mourn the living
Harbinger of the Fade
Losing yesterday’s version of you, the one who knew
Sometimes the light will catch the corner of your eye
Spark a light that brings you back
Sometimes your voice belies the distance between
You, then and you, now
Sometimes, just sometimes in my dreams you walk strong and easy
There is no Fade
Then morning shatters bliss and l realise that version of you is a bird who’s flown
Flying, flying home
My hands in yours holding on, holding on, holding on

There is a woman she lives in a dream
who knows who she was or where she has been
her daughter guards her as if she is the rarest jewel
but all the love all the joy
all the pain all the blood
and all the wishes of a breaking heart can only soften
Time and muffle the approaching steps of the Fade
Her mind is an endless loop of what was
And the film never ends

I have not written in a long time. I am not coping very well. One foot in front of the other. Until l remember why.
Deidre Lockyer Jul 2019
The world is pressing in
The world is pressing in
Won’t somebody help me, can’t somebody see
The Light is going out
The universe is flickering
And soon l will be left in this abyss
Hollowed, cold, alone
There is no peace and no one to save me
The Light is going out
The world is closing down and no tears
No poems of hope or prayers will save me
The waters will fall with the sky
The wind will scour the dry earth
The mud will fix my feet firmly into this hell
The fire will bring me no comfort...
The Light will blink out
And she will be free

But l will never be....
Deidre Lockyer Jun 2019
I am homesick for a time
That never was
In a place that holds my heart
But doesn't know me
For a me l will never be
I mourn
Reaching for her with my mind
Fingers through air
Fingers through air

All the lost birds have flown
But l still hear them singing
Sail into tomorrow
Looking for hope
Freer than me

Briars have me
Feet stuck in the mud of neglect
And l cannot fly
And l cannot speak it aloud
And l cannot unlove him

The lost birds have all flown...
But l still hear them singing
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