I dont want to let go
But I must
I dont want to say goodbye
But it's just
What if I'm holding you back
From the light
What if I'm the reason
You've given up your fight
What if you stay
And never know
What it's like to be free
To let go
I dont want to be the one that holds on
I have to learn to live with you gone

No
You cant have my tears
Not this time

I'm tired of crying
About the same ****
I'm tired
Tired

You cant have them
Not this time
No

I will keep them

For something worth crying over

Missing you comes in waves
Tonight I'm drowning
I wish there were other ways
It's overwhelming

And if you were here again
I'd have to ask
Why I'm always stuck
Behind this mask
Did you ever have this problem too?
Is there something wrong with me, is it true?

If you were here again
I'd have to know
Where, after death, did you go?
Is it worth it, to be frightened, to be scared?
Is there something I can do to be prepared?

If you were here again
I'd want to know
If you were done with life, ready to go?
I wasnt done yet I wasn't ready
But i know that this will happen to everybody

And i miss the little things
That bring me here
The thoughts that make me happy
Bring me near
To the part of me that's  missing, the part that's you
Memories, so old, they feel new

My stomach twists in knots
At the very thought
Of you walking through my door
And I've thought of this before
But it never happens

Missing you comes in waves,
Tonight I'm drowning
It's hard to let go, its overwhelming

Sing a little off key
That's alright
Your song is still beautiful
I dont mind
As long as your happy
Sing away
I could get used to some off key
Everyday
So sing a little off key
That's alright
As long as your smile
Reaches your eyes
I'll listen to you
Sing til you turn blue
Dont you know it makes you

Beautiful

You sing a little off key
It's true
I'd love to sing a little off key
With you

Her soul is prettier than the stars in the sky
Yet you still think it's ok to make her cry
What did she ever do to you?
Look at what you've put her through

She's crumbling like aging stone
Yet you decide to not come home
Again and again you play tricks on her mind
Making her think you're there, but leaving her behind

Her heart is prettier than the dark ocean water
But the tide is just as strong, maybe stronger
The longer your gone, the longer she's alone
The sooner her ocean will be as dry as a bone

Her mind is as beautiful as a sunset through the trees
Pink and purple sky and warm scented breeze
She is everything that means "safe and love"
Yet you put her on a cliff and give her a shove

You think she doesnt know, but she does
You think she's still at home, well she was
Now she's physically there, but her minds disappeared
Lost in the stars wishing she wasn't scared

She wants her soul to be prettier than the stars in the sky
Too bad you never look up there to compare
Your eyes are set on your other highs
So you've never really seen her soul bared

Some of us only have the moon to talk with
Some of us only have the stars
Some only have the leaves on the trees
Some only have their hearts

Some of us are so lonely
That we cry ourselves to sleep
Just to wake up and try again to make friends
To be looked at like we're creeps

Everyone has been lonely once
I have been lonely too
I feel somedays my heart might stop
When no one cares what I'm going through

I'm not tough enough to keep things in
I'm not smart enough to understand
I was born the black sheep in a white sheep world
Not good enough for their demands

I dont want just the moon and the stars
Now I feel kind of greedy
I dont want the leaves or just my heart
But I also dont want to seem needy

I wish I were a praying man
But life has taught me not to be
I'd pray for a way to understand
I'd pray for a way to help me see

I wish I were a praying man
Then I'd have some belief
Life is hard life is bitter
I'd pray for some relief

I wish I were a praying man
I'd pray for smaller things too
If any of my prayers were answered
Then I know I'd pray for you

I wish I were a praying man
I've tried but it's a sunken land
With empty hearts and souls on fire
Theres only so much to desire

I wish I were a praying man

Today
Is one of those days
That the breeze flows through the windows
And is cooling
The clouds cover the sun
And dims the too bright colors of the earth
And the gentle noises of the rain
Echos in listening ears
Relaxing
Filling the thirst for more than just the grass and trees
Drowning out the sounds of cars and people laughing
It's beautiful
Until you have to go out in it

You follow her every movement
Attached to the souls of her feet
Silently running with her
As she takes off down the street
And she thinks that you are lucky
She wants to be like you
A shadow that just copies
And never has to do
Never has to make a choice
And can escape when in the dark
She wishes she could be the one
Who doesnt have a heart
All you do is mimick
All you do is mime
You never have the worry
That your running out of time

Tired of being a follower
Weary of treading this road
Where the heat is overwhelming
Where grass refuses to grow

The sun and fire beat down on you
As you stand up straight and tall
Never wondering for just a second
If anyone is listening at all

The hills are steep but you climb them
The valleys, not hidden from flames
Where thirst is always a nagging thought
And mirages are never the same

Treacherous ground you walk on
Treacherous battle you fight
But it's so easy for you to keep going
When you dont see this as a plight

Its freedom of others you fight for
The only reason your alive
Is to know that you'll keep fighting
To ensure everyone stays alive

The rain hits her face
Stings her skin
As her shoes hit the ground
Her head spins
Where she'll go no one knows
What they'll miss
She won't stop until she burns
And rain is mist
Let her go let her fly
Let her flee
Let her run from her fears
Let her see
As she screams to the wind
"Who am I?!"
She is brave not afraid
She's alive

Watch her stand alone
As they beat her to the ground
As they force her head under
As they force her to drown

Watch her stand alone
Watch her crumble, fall apart
Watch her climb her way back up
Fingers bleeding and covered in scars

Watch her stand alone
Watch her struggle to breathe as broken bones force their way into her lungs and the blood in her eyes makes it harder to see

Watch her stand alone as on lookers point and stare at her disfigured face and her shattered soul-like-grace that's changed her into someone she's never wanted to be

Watch her stand alone
As years of torture claim their place upon the only heart she's ever known sitting slightly to the right of where its home should be

Watch her stand alone
Then watch her rebuild and grow
Watch her turn into a beautiful fighter who's smile burns brighter than any you have ever known

Watch her stand alone

She's not happy
And everyone's reply
Is either "get the **** over it" or "neither am I"

She's just not happy
And she doesnt know why
She's bitter and angry
And broken inside

And she spends more time
thinking
Of how life could be
If the weight on shoulders
were lifted
And she was free

Than actually trying
to break free from the shell
She'd rather dream about heaven
Than save herself from hell

She's just not happy
She just cant be
She's tried and failed
To make everyone see

Everyone watches
Everyone moves on
Everyone blames her
Everyone thinks it's a con

Because they aren't like her
Constantly looking through glass
They have a sense of time
She doesnt know how much has passed

She's just not happy
And everyone attacks her
Spreads lies and rumors
That are believed faster

Than her struggling for help
How can that be?
That everyone believes the bad
Why cant they see?

Maybe they'll notice
One day if she's brave
If she finally gives up
On what life she's made

Maybe they'll say
"well I guess it was true"
It would be to late by then To walk in her shoes

She's just not happy
And she wants to believe
That life could be different
If she could finally breathe

Oh this world is a scary place
And I know your feeling out of place
Just know I'm with you no matter how hard
It gets to fight for your broken heart

I see you struggle in your skin
And it's not the world that's caving in
I'll hold you up when you need to rest
I'll always know you've done your best

And I'll keep fighting while you sleep
So no demons will ever reach
The deepest part of your hollowed mind
The part that you try to leave behind

My wings are cut and scarred from fights
So you can dream all through the night
I've been doing this since you were born
And been there to fix you when you were torn

No matter what, I'll fight for you
Your souls is bright and that's what gets me through
When you feel broken and empty and scared
Remember, please, I'll always be there

She nods her head
And says "ok"
A billion times a day

Is she really listening?

Nods head

"Ok"

The sun is out right now
But I dont care to see it
I'd rather stay in bed
And never freaking leave it
Hide under the blanket
Where the world is just as small
As I feel outside, so I dont wanna go out at all

She's ashamed of how
When she cries
It burns her chest
and her eyes
It twists her soul
Entirely
A war upon her
Humanity
Knives in her lungs as she struggles to breathe
Words arent enough
And she's tries not to scream
Her head is a pounding mess of emotion
Her heart is the strongest
Beats are explosions
She feels smaller than any word can make her
Everyone's expectations are greater
She's ashamed of how when she cries
She feels like the world wants her to die
And she doesnt understand her worth
Or why she's even on this Earth
She's ashamed
Of how much it hurts when she cries
Because it makes everyone envy the pain in her eyes

My brain was wired differently
My heart is that way too
It doesnt make me stupid,
But I'm easily confused
Is that why I cant make a friend?
Because of the way that I was born?
Everyone loves roses
Maybe I'm the thorn
The eyesore
The ugly duckling
The ******

The loser


Different

Why do they hate me
I've done nothing wrong
Yet my name comes from lips
That don't stick around long

I still cry sometimes
When I feel I'm at my darkest

I still wonder why
You waited this long

If I could go back in time
I'd prove that you were strongest

Held your head up high
Even when you were wrong

I'd hold your hand
And fight your battles with you

Instead of watching
You fight alone

And if that all fails
And we were still two different people

I'd hold you tight
And make sure I'd never let you go.

I'd prove to you
That you were more than perfect

That you were worth it
But instead is true

You were fighting on your own
And believe me please
I wish that we could fix this


But I'm tired of fighting
This brick wall hiding your demons

And it's been so long
I know you've gone for a reason

And now when I need you the most
You laugh at me

When I need you the most
you turn your back

I know I guess I deserved this
I proved I was the weakest

When you needed me the most.

I'm sorry, if I knew that you could change
I'd keep trying

But now it's time to let you go

It's funny how you can drive yourself crazy with regret

How anger and heartbreak dont let you forget

The things you should've done when you had the time

How quickly things can change in a blink of an eye

Taken for granted, what was given was luck

Forgetting for a moment you were nothing but stuck

Your like a ridiculously bright star in the sky

I'm like you

Both of us pretending that we're something we're not

Bright, but obviously so

And not flickering with hope

It gives us away

Tall grasses brush against fingertips
Her skirt sways in the breeze
Little flowers surround her
A light scent that cant be febrezed
A warmth that sinks into her skin
And eases her troubled heart
A feeling she cant put with a memory
A bittersweet work of art
It makes her feel like a child again
And shes no longer made of stone
A smile plays gently on her lips
It feels so much like home

I hate the way you left me here
All alone, no one left
No one here to care enough
To ask if I'm ok.

My family said I was grieving wrong

Too much

Too strong

I'm sorry,

my heart

Hurts

It hurts

IT HURTS!

                          It hurts...

I'm so empty

And jealous of the fact
That you could leave
The depression
And turmoil
Behind you

I dont understand
Where your soul has gone
Or why the best ones leave so soon

I wasnt ready
To be left alone
Without you

I still hope
That you'll answer my texts
Just one more time
One more phone call
One more "I love you"

I'm begging


Why doesnt anyone help me
Please help me understand
What to do
Who to be
Without my dad

Cold clammy hands shaking

Heart racing

chest burning

Stomach turning

knees weak

Head spinning

shallow breathing

Hold it

And jump

It's always in the background

Can you hear it?

"It's part of life"

The heaviness that's always pulling you slowly back

Not allowing your smile to reach your eyes

Making you drift off from time to time

Can you feel it?

Weighing you down?

Letting you sink slowly lower?

Until you reach the bottom

And it all comes out

Full force

Then afterwards you feel lighter

But the smile still doesnt reach your eyes

Because it's still there
In the back of your mind

A never ending cycle

And if it had a color
It would be

vantablack

Seemingly impossible to

Quit

       Staring

At

    
It never leaves

"Its part of life"


Then how do you get rid of it?

You dont

Dont worry about the monster behind her

With its claws sunk into her skin

That's how the demon controls her

That's how she let's it win

Dont look into its eyes

You cant let it know you see

Please dont leave her alone

Because then it wont set her free

When she smiles, know she fakes it

When she laughs, its filled with pain

The monster is like a leech

It makes her happiness drain

You see how it towers above her

Shadowing her every motion

Its eyes are red and hypnotizing

And you watch her drink its potion

Its biggest fear is love
So love her

The monster will shrink down

I cant say it will go away

But she doesnt have to drown

Throw my glass against the wall
Watch it shatter, watch it fall
I've figured out now when you lie
I feel it on the inside

Can't glue the pieces back together
Lies keep coming, like bad weather
Say what you want, feel how you feel
But you and I, we used to be real

Pick up the shards so they'll stick in your skin
You cant take them out, you cant keep them in
Bleed for me baby because that's what it means
Take the pain baby, it hurts worse than it seems

Whisper whisper, hide the shine
Take back whats yours that once was mine
My heart, see through, so heavy, so hard
You've thrown, you've crushed, you've hurt, you gaurd

So sweep it all up, throw it away
Or try, just try, to make it the same
Mold my heart new through fire and heat
Because I still need you to make me complete

Tell me I'm pretty
I know I'm not
Tell me I'm special
Because I forgot
Tell me I'm wanted
Cuz I feel so alone
Tell me I'm needed
But I already know
That I am not special
Or pretty or fun
Or smart or happy
I'm easily outdone
I am not worth it
In so many ways
I am not wanted
At the end of the day
Tell me I'm wonderful
But what makes that true
Tell me I'm loved
Then tell me by who
Tell me I'm someone
Because I'm no one at all
Tell me what I'm missing
That makes me feel so small
The words that you say
Will never affect
The way that I think
Or my own self respect
I know I'm not great
When I look in your eyes
So please stop, It's a waste
To tell me more lies

Angel's singing
Brought me here
Amongst my dreams
Replaced my fears
The more I search
The less I find
I'm scared that I've
Been left behind

Angel's singing
brought me here
To my knees
My life, so clear
But when they stopped
The haze remained
And so
And so
Did the pain

Angel's singing
brought me here
The place where I
beg to hear
The voices again
And it's been years
Since I have heard
With my own ears
The Angels sing
The Angels sing

Just one time
Just once more
Would give me the strength
I've been waiting for
Please don't tell me
It was all in my head
I want to know just what they said

Angel's sing me to sleep
Angel's sing me to sleep

She dug a grave
A giant hole
Condemned herself
And sold her soul
Slit her wrists
And bled her sins
This is where
The mercy ends
She peeled the mask
From off her face
But that's what held
The skin in place
She tried so hard
To cover up
The monster she felt
She had become

Pretty eyes,
What are you doing
Pretty eyes
Please dont cry
Your heart may not be made of gold
You'll still get wrinkles when your old
But your eyes will always show your soul
And that's what makes you beautiful

Pretty eyes
Theres nothing to be afraid of
Pretty eyes
I can see just what your made of
Pretty eyes
Your hiding in the corner
And I've never felt as warm as I do now

Pretty eyes
They glimmer and they sparkle
You've never been called remarkable
But you'll see
Just how strong you can be

Pretty eyes
What are you doing
Pretty eyes
Please dont cry
Your heart may not be made of gold
You'll still get wrinkles when you're old
But no ones perfect
Your pretty eyes reflect your soul
And that's what makes you beautiful

Pretty eyes
Dont look down

Like the weight of the world on her shoulders
She's become too determined to drop

She's been waiting around for years now
Hoping that time would just stop

Looking up at the dark starry sky
She wonders if one will just fall

So she can wish for some sort of miracle
So she no longer has to crawl

She's never been that lucky though
She's never left her mind

She's stuck there for eternity
Where the light left her behind


Like the weight of the world on her shoulders, she's become too determined to drop

Stop, please
It's dark enough inside my heart
I can't stand the feeling
Of being ripped apart

Stop, please
I've done too much that I regret
I can't keep going
Knowing that I'm not done yet