confusion, a thorny brier,
darkest thunder clouds
as smoking wood on pyre
surrounds a corpse-in-shrouds

blinds my eyes from seeing
my heart from upward fleeing
my ears from G-dly breath
that draws me up from death

it suffocates and kills
the spirit pure within,
as gasoline oil spills
stifle life marine 'n fin

i long to break through
free myself from chain
it's up to me to do
to make myself regain

my life for self, for soul,
to do what's right for me,
disregard opinion poll
of whether they adore me

why do actions so affect?
destroy my self-respect?
o G-d allow me once again
Your Face and truth attain

for posting my suicide attempt
yesterday, on this floor,
someone showered vile contempt
calling me 'attention-*****'

doubtless they thought i'd fabricated
a tale to garner your notice
that i was a guy so frustrated
i'd lost my moral focus

now, though they're incorrect
in disbelieving the story
maybe there's some aspect
of self-seeking glory

in posting any of my rhymes
on this delightful platform
in searching afterwards ofttimes
for likes or comment warm

but here's the point to contemplate
if this site were not here
i'd hardly write or create
my aptitude may disappear

instead of being honed through practice
through seeking to learn new tactics
would i grow, as i should?
would i write, as i could?

on this site, I see art
different style 'n image,
as other poetry writers impart
their tales to envisage

so, though there is veracity
there's some attention-seeking,
it's just possible this site's capacity
to hone our public-speaking

to find like-minded persons,
to delight in others' verse,
may outweigh the divergence
from strictest moral traverse

so for the moment, i'll still be posting
lines of poetry and rhyme
albeit, I own, there's measure of boasting,
in displaying one's art on line.

i climb the scaffolding
look down below
spirit faltering
will i die in the blow?

caffeine swirling,
dizziness whirling,
truth obscured
devil-lured

dry darkness,
unfeeling eyes,
dropping, heartless
out of the skies

failing, falling,
faster than water,
missed my calling,
embracing slaughter

but i'm still here,
didn't dare,
risk the fear
of devil's snare

ethereal spirit,
grey transparency,
saintly glow,
stood by me

its salient crescent
i wouldn't hear,
i turned my head
from silent steer,

yet always I pray,
spirit ethereal
hear me today,
support my fall

take my hand
lead me out
help me stand
'n be devout

so in dark hour
devil's lour
importunate
devilish bait

when i'm caught
in his lair
every thought
in his snare

don't stand
in entreat
pull me out
from the peat

I see another and think i'm better,
tying my ankles with shackle and fetter,
the pride vile not allowing advance,
for fear of someone looking askance

at what i do, perhaps not perfect
enough to feed my self-respect
or rather my need to be correct
in eyes of the world, in extrospect

the chocolate in jar, the biscuit in tin,
i'm not free o' greed, or lustful sin,
constant hankering after the superfluous,
and hidden darkness i daren't discuss

and when i see a person succeeding
who in my eyes is exceeding
the heights i've reached or attained
it's envy to which i'm sorely chained

enveloped in physicality,
the gluttony that is in me,
venality and carnality
forgetting spirituality,

when awakens the righteous spark
wrath is stirred in seeing the dark
in others that me seduces
though mine own, i've plenty excuses

but sloth is my overriding guilt
that puts a stop to anything built
crowning me in crown of thorns
to decorate those devilish horns

to shrive i yearn, to be assoiled,
to rid me finally of the soiled
raiment of my spirit 'n soul,
to fly unhindered to my goal.

Tender green shoot
Carelessly crushed
Reckless, underfoot
parents that rushed

Providence, miracle,
sapling survives,
its smile lyrical
humanity revives

forever scarred
innocent childhood
memories marred
charred firewood

bloom it bears
with full apology
hiding its wares
a damaged psychology