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Sep 28 · 358
i thought i needed you
slr Sep 28
*******
for everything you said to me
all the dreams you told me
all the lies you fed me
disguised as caring
i knew from the beginning who you were
but i refused to see it
i refused to see the flashing red lights and the blaring sirens
now the only lights i see are the ones on the ambulance
the sires pulsing in my ears
the medics screaming for me to hold on
i am slipping in and out of consciousness
and you don't even care
*******
I let myself trust a guy that seemed perfect. But he ended up leaving. He said I drank too much and didn't care about school. Then he said I wasn't spiritual enough for him. The sad thing is, I drink on the weekends with my friends. That's it. And as a Christian to another Christian, you should want to grow with me, not want me at a certain level. That isn't Christianity.
Sep 26 · 1.2k
losing
slr Sep 26
i finally lost [some of] it
but 15 isn't enough
i want 115
i want to shrink away
into nothingness
i want to stop feeling
all of this pain
i don't want to keep doing this
and losing it is the easiest way
i've struggled with eating disorders for a while now. and i can feel myself going back to old, toxic habits. but, i don't want to stop it. because maybe if i plunge in headfirst, he will come back to me.
Jan 2 · 289
Untitled
slr Jan 2
Are you're doing it in a healthy way?
Are you watching what you eat?

Yeah.. That's why I didn't have a bun with dinner.

What I didn't tell her is that watching what I eat means
watching what i would normally eat sit on the shelf
watching what i would normally eat go to others
watching what i would normally eat shrink off my body

She says I've gotten smaller
My coworkers say I've gotten smaller

I don't see it

When someone asks if I've eaten I just avoid the topic or say I've had enough

If someone is concerned I laugh and say "I'm back on my anorexic *******"
Nov 2018 · 627
Content in Content
slr Nov 2018
“I’m sad.”
“Why?”
“She gets more likes on Instagram than I do.”

“I’m happy.”
“Why?”
“I have a bed to sleep on.”

“I’m sad.”
“Why?”
“My parents won’t buy me a car.”

“I’m happy.”
“Why?”
“I have food today.”
Why not be content with today?
Nov 2018 · 191
Untitled
slr Nov 2018
I love you
But you will never know
Because I am too afraid
Of myself
Messing it up again
So I won't
Tell you.

Not yet.
Maybe one day.
Maybe one day
You will see it.

Maybe one day
We could be together.
Who knows
Oct 2018 · 640
will you love me?
slr Oct 2018
i’m afraid
you’ll find me
crazy
for loving you
too hard
too fast
too much
i want you
to know
all my thoughts
but i’m scared
you’ll run
I love broken poetry like this
slr Oct 2018
Sweetheart you need to be have a flatter stomach
Put down that soda pop
Or one day it will make you pop
Put down those puff pastries
Or one day they will make you the Pillsbury Dough-girl.
Take up crunches and sit-ups
And just ignore when your body screams for food
Take up ******* in and waist trainers
And just ignore that ******* in all day weakens your muscles pushing you further from your ideal

Hey good lookin’ you’d be prettier if you had smaller thighs
Stop eatin’ them donuts
They turnin’ you too dough
Stop ordering your pizzas in larges
They turnin’ you large
Start doing some squats
Just ignore your back screaming in pain
Start running sum more
Just ignore that bigger thighs mean a lower risk of heart disease and premature death

And a simple request from everyone else: make sure your hair always looks like a girl from a movie, that your skin is flawless, you dress perfectly, are always happy, smiling constantly, have an aesthetically pleasing Instagram, be in an adorable relationship, know all the newest music and shows

You know what

just be perfect
but
not to perfect


-love society
Don't let society tell you anything about yourself. You are you and perfect just how you are.
Oct 2018 · 7.1k
dictionary I
slr Oct 2018
mov•ie
\ ˈmü-vē \

noun

1.a story represented in motion pictures/motion : noun : mo·tion : \ ˈmō-shən \ : an act, process, or instance of changing place/forward, backward, up, down, pacing, running, crawling/how we flee from our lives, our problems, our responsibilities/instead of focusing on motion we look to pictures/picture : noun : pic·ture :  \ ˈpik-chər \ : a design or representation made by various means/click, zoom, import, export/our lives are on a flash drive, on a snapchat, on an instagram, on a memory card/everywhere but on our own memories/we don’t like pictures either/they show moments never to be regained from our past/our solution?/combine them into something better/movie : verb : mov·ie :  \ ˈmü-vē \ : an escape from reality/we use movies to deflect the pain of our lives/we think that we watch because we are bored/no/we watch to escape/escape : verb :  es·cape : /əˈskāp/ : a recording of moving images that tells a story and that people watch on a screen or television.
I wrote this a while back but I fell in love with dictionary poetry after it
Oct 2018 · 222
Rivers
slr Oct 2018
There are rivers everywhere
many are just out of sight.
    The ground is told to be ashamed
    for the home it gives these rivers.
          Because of that
          the ground tries to hide it’s rivers.
              The ground covers its imperfections
              with anything it can.
          It covers these rivers not because they aren’t beautiful
          but because they have ravaged clean canvas.
                        If you look closely at the soil
                        you will see hundreds of these little streams.
                              They are deep in some places
                              but shallow in others.
                                   Their color can be that of blood
                                   or the color of scars not quite healed.
                                           These rivers are not just at the surface
                                           for they come from the depths of the soil.
                                                   Taking years to fully carve their place
                                                   and take a lasting toll on the ground.

                                            I am my own piece of ground
                                            with rivers flowing freely.
                                    They cover my body
                                    engrained in so many parts of me.
                         These rivers show me where I’ve been
                         and where I will go.

                My rivers have faded
                from scarlet to peach.
         My rivers are permanent
         and I struggle to find their beauty.
My rivers are seen as ugly
so I try to hide them.
         My rivers are not talked about
         because I am told they are shameful.
                 My rivers stretch across my body
                 and carve at its banks daily.
                          I have tried to dam the waters from flowing
                          but new paths just keeping appearing.
                                   Yet, through it all I have learned from my rivers
                                    that beauty comes in all forms.

My rivers are beauty
in its purest form.
I know I haven't posted in a long time so I thought I'd come back with an old poem that I love.
Jun 2018 · 414
hell and back
slr Jun 2018
somebody hurt you so bad
and I know you are scared
but I’ve been through hell
and i think
i am supposed to help you through
i think you are supposed to be back

i know i shouldn't think
because it gets my heart in trouble
but i think
i am supposed to love you

-please love me back
I write so much free verse and I know there should be pattern so don't mind the random repeating lines cause I like it.
Jun 2018 · 293
why i'm alive
slr Jun 2018
it’s no secret people need the sun to live
however, that’s not the only type of living i mean

i mean the sun is a small part of an even greater savior
the beach is the savior who is keeping me alive

i mean the beach has kept a smile on my face
when nothing else could put it there

it is keeping my heart beating and my blood flowing
it is keeping oxygen flowing through my body

the sun keeps me alive
because it warms my body
reminding me i’m still alive

the sand keeps me alive
because it clings to my skin
reminding i can still feel

the water keeps me alive
because the cold shocks my body
waking it up

the waves keep me alive
because the waves lull me to sleep
giving my body the rest it craves

the sunburn keeps me alive
because of the pain
forcing me to hold on for when it leaves

the beach keeps me alive
because through every little annoyance
it only shows me that i can still feel everything

it shows me i have so much to live for
because despite what i believe i can still feel

-let the beach keep you alive
This was part of a speech I wrote but felt the need to turn into a poem. I struggle with finding happiness in things and the beach is the one place where a smile doesn't hide form me. I don't know where I would be without the beach. Somedays I wonder if I would be alive.
Jun 2018 · 153
is this friendship?
slr Jun 2018
i'm not sure why
it's always my fault

but it's okay
you have other issues

i'm just a good friend
that's why you take it out on me

-i need it to stop
One of my friends is in an abusive relationship and they get in fights all the time and she takes it all out on me. I'm not sure what to do because she is always mad and it makes me feel like ****.
Jun 2018 · 292
dear men
slr Jun 2018
HOW do you justify staring

EVERYTIME I see you my blood cools

LOWER your eyes to memorize my body



PLEASE yourself while making me an object

LEAVE my humanity to make it through


EVENTUALLY you leave finally full

SAVING myself is impossible

SELF  becomes  foreign
Just a quick PSA. Guys, please don't stare at women in the gym. We don't like it and it makes us scared. Please don't cat call me while I'm walking into Walmart. Please don't stare. Thank you.
Jun 2018 · 225
hidden
slr Jun 2018
abusive relationships are weird
you never know until
someone unknowingly shows you.
there is always an inkling something is wrong
but you push it away.
you replace any fear or hurt
with his voice
saying "i love you"

-what do you do when you know
I still love you but I know I shouldn't.
Jun 2018 · 1.5k
love?
slr Jun 2018
i think i love you

and that

the thought of getting attached

makes me want to run


-please say something
I'm not really sure. I just know you feel something as do I. I just wish one of us would say something.
Jun 2018 · 2.7k
acceptance
slr Jun 2018
i know you feel bad
the applause are never loud enough
the smiles just aren't big enough
nothing is ever enough
but it's ok
just keep telling yourself
you did good
Just a random poem scribbled on a folder
Jun 2018 · 299
Finding us
slr Jun 2018
Come with me to the boardwalk and wander down to the turbulent blue sea.
Come with me to the fire and let the shadows of the flames dance across your face.

Take me back to the sandy white shore with the cool waves lapping at my feet.
Take me back to the yellow sun high in the sky, warming my face.

Follow me down the rough path and feel the cool stones on your feet.
Follow me up the steep hill and stare at the moon’s inviting face.

Get in the car and leave the lonely world in the rear view mirror.
Get to the top of the mountain and watch your fear hide its face.

Bring your best and your worst and we will explore it all together.
Bring me to the first place you felt truly alive and we will basque in its face.

Let us get lost in the inky night sky, and never find home.
Let us get lost in the abyss of each others eyes, forever staying face to face.
This poem type is called Ghazal. In it you will have between 5 and 15 stanzas with 2 lines each. The second sentence should always end with the same word. In mine it is face. The stanzas should be able to stand alone but also work together. I really enjoyed this piece as it is different from what I normally write.
Jun 2018 · 352
rebirth
slr Jun 2018
she avoided her suicide
she sometimes walked and started to cry
now stopped
started
    a grimace
    a sweetheart
another smiled back
        slowly
she glanced up
she believed a smoky smile and sculpted body was
            poetic justice
beautiful waterfall white wishes
rose petals circulating her
This was a "found poem" as my teacher likes to call them. We had to take a page of a book and do black out poetry. This was my final result.
Jun 2018 · 850
Numbers Don't Define Beauty
slr Jun 2018
Beauty, why do you evade her?
Why will you not let her grasp you?
She searches for you daily.
Meals become foreign during her quest.

Why will you not let her grasp you?
She searches the mirror but only sees a mistake.
Meals become foreign during her quest.
The map on her body is not a treasure map to her.

She searches the mirror but only sees a mistake.
Numbers are more than a math problem to her.
The map on her body is not a treasure map to her.
Beauty, why must you hide from her?

Numbers are more than a math problem to her.
Her best friend is the floor of her shower.
Beauty, why must you hide from her?
Why will you not show her you were always there?

Her best friend is the floor of her shower.
The water washes all the broken parts away.
Why will you not show her you were always there?
She doesn’t need water to fix what’s never been broken.
I wrote this for a class assignment and fell in love with it. I struggle a lot with body image and felt it embodied a person's struggles with body image quite well. I felt the ending was sad but still happy which I try to do a lot in my writing and felt it was delivered well in this piece.

This poem style is called Pantoum. This means that the 2nd and 4th lines from the 1st stanza are the 1st and 3rd lines in the 2nd stanza and so on.

— The End —