i'll admit i am a day dreamer xD

All a mistake that’s all you are
You play hard when it comes to mind games
Oh and now you tell me how you feel
That you like me, then pity me, then hate me, then like me again
You say that I make you feel this way
Well I sure didn’t plan on it, at least not the hate or pity
And you know something that’s how I felt all year
In my mind you either hate me or like me
I always thought you hated me, but you were friendly later on
You used to be nice, a whole lot funnier, and a lot more happy
But now your selective and only hang out with your Poke buddies
UH
I’m so disgusted
You don’t care that you hurt my emotions so bad and so much
That I feel like my hearts in my throat and my stomach is empty and has a pit
And yet who am I to say this
When after every time I try to get you out of my head and think I’m free
I always end up here, 10:30 at night on a sun. day with 4 and a half days till schools out
Just sitting here like a fool writing of the woe that nothing but time and love can cure
A broken heart
You want to make up crud of some fictional beast that protects you from falling for me
Well sir go right ahead, see what I care little boy
See what I care
If you really want to play this game, then your beast is dead permanently and I leave you be
Soon you’ll see that you lost your friend, and the girl who loved you
But you don’t care, and that’s why I see no reason to stay in this ***** little town
“

It's been a while since I've seen you smile
It's been a long while

Walking down this empty street
Just thinking of you with me
I cry these tears are invisible to you

Oh, yes it's been a while

It's been long, long while

You'll never see me smile

Yeah...
Yipee...
Another year older
Another year tran
Another year *******...
Another year depressed

Birth papers

Mother don’t try you can’t hide it
We both know you can’t deny it
I found an old folder I thought I’ve seen before
Though I didn’t look inside then
This time I couldn’t deny it
For I didn’t know what secrets lie inside it
Opened it up found a small card with her name and his name
Though I only knew what the abbreviation of the first name ment
I now know my fathers name
But I shall not tell you
Or trouble might brew
The initials are SMJ, if you read this I’m Julia Marie Renyo

Don't you just feel like that sometimes
Like you just want to fall over dead
bleh
But it's not that easy
Nothing is
Well, except pulling the trigger :]

He walks around breaking hearts
  
   They say he's bad news

But they don't know the real him

   They all denied it

Said I was a liar

   But I don't care

He's the only one who knows me

   The tables turned and I broke both our hearts

Both our hearts

   We're both broken, breaking hearts

Something we all need an understanding on
Or it's rendered useless

Like the expression, "Oh, I'm gonna **** you!"
You know they don't mean it
But some people do

Sometimes you wish they meant it

It leaves you with a feeling so mistaken
That it seems as though you need to dig yourself out of a hole that's already been filled up

"Did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life..."

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE
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You rebel, i like you.

I dream of you
Every time I close my eyes
I think of you
Trying not to let me cry
For in every note I’ve wrote to you
I express the love I feel for you
You know it’s true
I dream of you
You loved me
I love you
I dream of you

I'm

    Falling

For
            
    Him

All
              
     Over

Again

I wish I could live in the fantasy world

   Where the lonely find love

      Where the poor find riches

         Where the evil pay

            And the Lord above can say "This is good." again

         Where war is gone

            Fighting stops

Freedom reins

         Peace is plentiful

    Where you can go to sleep not fearing what's outside

Find your passion, it's in there somewhere
Write something down
Make it a masterpiece
For you are it's great creator
Tap into your inner artist
Find your passion

Use your anger, your tears, your fears
They fuel the depth of some of our greatest writing

I found my passion through the depression I'm in
I found it through my tears
And through my fears

If only we could all find our passion through happiness, joy, and light

Hello?
     Anybody there?
Or am I wasting my time and breathe?

Don't you hate it when you simply say "hi." and get the rudest reply

Or when you say hi to a friend and they act like they didn't hear you

How about when you say hi to a random person and either get

hi back or a "Who the hell are you?!"

Hey, I just wanted to say hi

Why be rude

Why be a ****

hi

It was him
It was him all along
He loved so he let me go
He didn't want to rub it in that I couldn't have him
I love him so I let him go
But now I realize it was him all along
I'll love him like always
Why do I love him
It's like that all over again with me and him
I was the mistake
We loved each other so we let one and other go

How could it be you
Why do you hate me so
And act the way you do
Never have you thought of me
In a good way
Or in a good place
How could I have loved
Why would I have continued to love you
And cherish the thought of you
Never again I will
How, why, and never again that I will give my love you

Hope you feel better than i do
Todays my moms birthday...
i feel so nervous
im tired
my stepdad called me a *** and goth over me being emo
and almost killed me for the 3rd time
i feel like the cover of a fricking Nirvana album
bleh
I don't kno any more

I
I don’t know what to say
If I pour out my heart you’ll push me away
If stand up to you when you put me down
You’ll throw me down
I can’t think of how big an idiot I am
I don’t know what to say
You won’t tell what you want to hear
You don’t talk to me anymore
You won’t talk me anymore at all
All I ask of you is your help
I need a friend
Not an enemy
You were the best friend I could ask for
But when you don’t want to remember something it’s gone
Forever and ever
Not for me
When a good thing becomes a bad thing it becomes lifelong scar I have to wear for the rest of my life
That happened so many times “over and over again and again even though we” grow apart in the end

I guess we're all different
I don't know if I'll make
Maybe we'll find salvation in the words we write

Or are they a curse
A never ending burst
Of emotion
Of pain
And sorrow

But let's not think of that today :]

I'm depressed sometimes suicidal
     It's okay, I'm okay (no I'm not)
No effing pill could fix this
     Pills **** anyway, don't want that ****
I'm sorry this is bad, don't be a hater just let me be depressed
     And maybe if you had a heart you would end my suffering

I’m so done with you
You made me cry to the point that I couldn't no more
You shook me up, and thrown me down
Called me names
Do I really listen to what you call me
I know you’d want an answer to that one
Just to get a reaction  
And sit there all innocent like and batt those fake eyelashes of yours
I’m so done just walk away
You words course through me
Taunting me, yelling at me pounding through my blood that I don’t belong and I’m a freak
If you listen closely you can hear the demons begging for me to join them
“Just walk away and come to us. Thats it listen to us.”
NO
I’m so done just let me be
I’m done
So done
Done….

In depth of sorrow
Drowned in tears
With shaky hands, leaking fear
A million voices in your head
Some are demons, some are friends
They catch you at your weakest
Hit you when your down
In the depths your mind, the back of your head
Within your heart
The flood of letters and strings of words
That of which the meaning escapes you
Just a strange piece
A useless writing
Telling of the odd thoughts in one's mind
When they're in depth
Consumed depression
Sickening sorrow
Ill fated mind
Living in an era
A world of their own
Beneath the drapes of sight
In the depths of their mind lay a world of their devising
Once upon a time

We finally agree on something

Letting go

I was hanging on to every second

But he was forgetting and moving on like it didn't hurt

We both know what it did to eachother

So we let go

Life

I live in palace of joy and happiness
Inside and out thriving with life
The lion and the lamb are at peace
The children play in the serpents den
Not a care nor a worry is in the air
Life is joyful, loving, and peaceful

In Between

I live in a cottage with just enough food
I am alone and depressed
But I appreciate the wonders of the world
Death is peaceful life is harder
Life in between is empty, depressing, and wishful

Death

Heaven is all the best things you could imagine
Full of light and gleaming gold
Filled with beautiful landscapes
Hell is all the very worst things you could imagine
You trudge through tiring sand of lies, with a black sky above you
An endless horizon of you darkest nightmares and greatest fears

Where does your soul lie?
Life, Death, or In Between
If you have a soul...

PLAY THE MUSIC LOUDER

     BLOCK OUT THIS EVIL WORLD

ALL I WANT TO HEAR IS THE SWEET SOUND OF THIS IS GOSPEL

     PLEASE TURN IT UP

PLEASE END MY SUFFERING

     LOUDER PLEASE

LOUDER

He left and missed

   Changed me

Now I'm finally free

   Deleted every trace of him

He is finally gone

   Gone for life

"You made my heart break

    And that made who I am"

He's missing out bad

    So sad too bad

Missing out, that sick *******

I haven't seen her in years
My shining star
My guiding light
My happiness
My remise
My angel
She saved my life

My Angel
I haven't seen your near
for all our years
My shining star
My guiding light
My happiness
My remise
My angel
You saved my life
And made our life

I told her I liked
But inside I loved him
Then she got him first, so I let her be happy
And stayed in the shadows
He left our town after they broke
They both were fine with it
And I was to busy hiding...
To see him go
He was my one way to heal
He saw me and he like I saw him
But that girl had to ruin it
You're still like a sister to me and I, you
But
You don' ****** up

My old Man

I know we’ll meet again
I hope he still remembers me
And that I love him so
But if he’s up there or down there
I hope he knows that he’s my dad no matter what
Even if all I know is a short piece of abbreviated name

My shadow is the only thing that is with me
My shadow is like the past behind me
My shadow is comforting knowing that something just like me is near
Something that has been through what I have
She's my shadow

Through the night my heart is so deceiving
I can’t even help but breathing
It won’t stop
Every time
The night is black and lushes
It shows the beauty of the darkness
Expresses the wonder of blackness
I see you
Standing there
In the middle of road
Under a street lamp
Your arms wide open
Beckoning me to come into them
I run to you
To have you fade
To blow away like dust
And the lights go out
I am alone
All through the night I’m missing you
Your standing there in front of me
I look at you, you look at me
And then your gone
Into the night
Gone without a trace
The sky isn’t the only blackness at night
In the dark
In the cold
Without you
Without you
Alone
In the night
The black, dark, and deceiving night
Night

To feel as though you'll never wake up
    
     Your being chased
          
          You lose the race

               He holds you tight then disappears
              
That's truly a nightmare