sometimes I have to tell myself
not to stare too long at the sky
because it reminds me of the
vastness of this life
that there are more stars
than thoughts in my head
(and that's a really big number)
that there is more pain in the universe
that will never stop til we're all
six
feet
under
and it's better for my tiny brain
if I just stop thinking,
the smoke from the cogs
becoming tears on my cheeks
and my pillow at night
sometimes I listen to the muffled music
in the kitchen,
Maxwell singing about some woman's work
while my own mother refuses to cry
and I realize that the apple doesn't fall
far
from the
tree
we both check the locks three times
before bed
and listen to sad music for serotonin
and deny, deny, deny
that we're the ones who are wrong
and sometimes I get texts from friends
at 11 pm
telling me that they don't want to exist
and I think "yeah, doesn't everyone?"
because how good would it be
to not take up space,
to lay in a fourth dimension
of no feeling and just peace?
so no,
I don't like looking at the sky too much
because the blue reminds me of eyes
full of tears
and I don't like how the trees
can lose their leaves
but I'm stuck with my brain
f o r e v e r
I don't like how the clouds
can rain down and shout
without wondering who they are disturbing
and everything
moves
in cycles
when I can't even move an inch