I saw the tears in my mother’s eyes and the concern on my father’s face. I had no idea why or what was happening. ”what’s going on momma” I asked her. She didn’t reply, she just held my hand and started to cry.

HTTP://******-in-oncology
Less than 40% chance is not what anyone would have hoped for. But you can’t change the odds; you can only fight against them.

When we found out that I had ALL,
(acute lymphoblastic leukemia) my family members tried to explain to me what was going to happen, but I know now that nothing in the entire world could prepared me for what was about to happen.

Before all this I could not imagine all the things that would happen. All the drugs I would have pumped through my veins, or even worse the ones taken by mouth. Trust me they’re not all that sweet Banana flavour. I could never even begin to think about all the treatments and radiation and piercing the port right through my skin. Words cannot explain to you the pain that I experienced just so I could stand here today and tell you my story.

Before I knew it I was hooked up to an IV and all my long blonde gorgeous hair was gone, once perfectly placed on my 2 year old head, now on my pillow.

Sitting in the hospital bed with the sounds of people crying and other children screaming out in pain and agony echoing through my head. But through the pain and suffering there was always someone there to keep me company.

Aside from my parents and family who were by my side the entire 3 years never giving up hope, my aunt Jamie was always there when I felt down. We would always have fun playing games and she would always paint my nails just to make me feel special. My grandmother, a retired nurse herself, was also another very special person; she always knew that I would overcome my illness. Every day she would take me to the chapel in the church and I would stare at the enormously realistic wood carved statue of Jesus. I would ask “even though you look like you are in more pain than me, can you ask your father to help me.”

Then my grandmother and I would go back to the room and say this prayer together;

And now I lay me down to sleep and I pray you lord my soul to keep, but if I shall die before I wake, I pray you Lord my soul to take.

After a while you realize that you’re stuck in the hospital for a while. In the hospital I met an Angel, and her name was Sarah. She was in the room next to me and she had leukemia too. She was a very sweet girl and we had fun together, she helped me not to feel as different. We shared a lot of things like pizza parties, we played in the art room and we gave each other the drugs that were impossible to take. It seemed much easier to swallow when she gave them to me, compared to 5 nurses holding me down while they poured it down my throat. Out of all my friends on the fourth floor she was the best. She was an amazing friend even if she was only 3.

But eventually all angels must go back to heaven. And about a year later my angel Sarah went back to heaven. She died in her sleep, because the doctors failed to find a match for her bone marrow transplant. It made me sad just to look at the empty bed on that fourth floor in room 420. Although it was 10 years ago that she died I will always remember her because she will forever be in my heart.

And even though she died along with other people I cared about like my friend Sister Jacklyn, death never crossed my mind. After her death I still never lost hope, and I promised never to give up. And even after I relapsed and had to start all over again, I promised myself to keep on fighting until I was just like everyone else again, until I could wake up in my own bed and run free without that ****** IV. No matter how painful a struggle no matter how long, I would have fought to eternity to be healthy again.

I was just a young child when I was first diagnosed with leukemia. A young girl who’s fate would have brought her to the grave. But look at me now. I am standing here in front of you and although I may be far different from all of you on the outside, I am still a person on the inside. My physical scars in time will heal, but my emotional scars will remain forever.
But since you’re here stay a while
You won’t have fun, but I can make you smile,
and laugh at all you are afraid to face
This is my soul, an unnerving place.

HTTP://******-in-oncology
My name is Christine Mulvihill and I am a 15 year old childhood cancer survivor. I thought that after I was discharged from the hospital everything would be normal or even sort of normal, but that’s not how this story goes. You see, somewhere through all this my soul has been scared and a curse cast upon myself, a curse I will take to my grave.

After 10 years cancer free I look back on the entire cancer experience, from 2 years old in oncology to 15 years old in high school, to document my life as a cancer patient and a childhood cancer survivor. I have written more than 40 poems and several short stories about my life with cancer and I am passing them to you in hopes that you will be better prepared to face what may be coming during and after cancer.
I live alone, I live a lie
Awaiting the day I say goodbye
Whenever I turn around disaster strikes,
Pins and needles, knives and spikes.

Just when you think things couldn’t get worse
I’m smacked in the face with this curse
Whirled around till I’m miserable once more,
Shaken until my body collapses on the floor.

In my room I can escape
And mold my worries into shape
I cry in pain until I just can’t any more
And listen to music to ease the sore.

Knowing it will all come back again
Sunshine pierced by pouring rain
Like tears of sadness splashing down on joy
Emotions are unpredictable as a toy.

At its mercy like a puppet on a string
A trapped dove without wings
On my head, always alone
Maybe one day I can fly home.
Fly high looking down on this pain,
Maybe one day I’ll be happy again.
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
Bury me like any other
Bury me like I have no mother.
Bury me an urchin that has no father
Bury me a drowned soul, a fish out of water.

Bury me indifferent to the pain
Bury me amidst the pouring rain,
Bury me pure & innocent
Bury me worthless, I’m not worth a cent.

Bury me taking all I could
Bury me hopeless and misunderstood,
Bury me with blood that smells sweet
Bury me and put my soul to sleep.

But bury me in my own ****** pain and misery
And bury me a stranger because you never knew me!
Read more at http://www.******-in-oncology.com
The way that people think sometimes makes me sick
The way we criticize so hard and judge so quick
Before you judge me look in the mirror
All of the sudden things become much clearer.

You just see face and the hair, lips and the eyes
But I know all your secrets and I know your lies
If you look closer you will see
That deep down you’re no better than me.

I see past the make up for what you really are
Just a regular person covering a scar
Hidden in your mind, a place you don’t go
Memories and things you’d rather people don’t know.

We all have those secrets buried deep inside
Things that we’d do almost anything to hide,
We try to cover with makeup clothes and that certain grace
But when you look in the mirror it’s staring you in the face.

You can put on the act and the makeup too
But I can see right through you,
You’re just another girl wanting to be accepted
Fearing the burn of being rejected
Falling into the trap of mindless trends
Just envied by your friends
Thinking that once you got it then you’re in
But you still feel the emptiness from within.

So foolish so blind people can be
Take off those colored contacts and you’ll see.
Welcome to a place where nothing is what it seems
The real are things that only come from dreams,
Enter the world of the living and the dead
Enter to the place that everyone dreads.

Go to the realm of things unexplained
Go to a place where no logic remains,
See the place where strange things brew
See a place that is far beyond you.

Far beyond conscience, hope and pain,
Far beyond the normal far beyond sane,
Don’t look back only look ahead
Before you realize it’s all in your head.

Once you’re here you can’t go back
Turn around if a soul you lack,
Now you’ve been warned So enter if you dare,
But beware &prepare your in for a scare.

Enter the realm of no escape
And watch the impossible start to take shape,
What for you in this realm lies
A simple question without a reply,
Take a step forward and see for yourself
It’s more than just another book on the shelf,
Take a walk on a path that never ends
In trolls and munchkins you’ll find friends.

From the bottomless cauldron take a sip
Feel your body start to slip,
Slip into the realm of things unknown
Let your mind be overthrown,
Let go of all that seems right & true
And grab the reins of something new,
Once you get there its heaven inside
But on the way it’s one **** of a ride,
ENTER THE REALM
What is love can you tell me please
What’s it got to do with hope and peace,
How could a four letter word keep someone sane
How could a word so small cause so much pain.

This word when spoken in a manner true
Can change the relationship between me and you,
Barks may have bite but love means more
Funny how one word can make our emotions roar.

One word spoken for good or bad
Can change our mood from happy to sad,
When you say I love you it means so much more
Then anything you’ve ever said before.

When you say I love you say it for a reason
Don’t just say it to please em’,
I love you aren’t words to throw around
So when you say it, make it count.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
Next page