We were dress rehearsing in
an empty theatre.
I adlib a line that is as
true to me as the character
I'm playing.

You exit stage right
and sit in the front row.
I show my bare bottom
and make **** sounds which
reverberate in space.

You scowl and scroll your phone.
I'm never more alone than when you
leave me for the stalls.

"Vale. Bien. Me voy."
And looking into his eye,
letting him know how those rules have made me feel -
how they've made me ache.
How I despise his way of life -
how it's so inhuman to me
and I'll look at him like I look at something grotesque happening
that I know I can't change.
Or better even, look at him like a
dying animal in its death throes.
And then let him disappear in front of me -
banishing him to those dungeons
that are my memories best
                                                left
                                                       alone.

I'm stuck and I'm fraught and distraught
by thoughts that are echoes of intentions unfought for
forestalled by feelings that are unseen,
unstoppable without skills or a team.
And where's my tribe where my body can breathe?
Where's my test where my body can heave
all the weight of the world for a time with ease
like Atlas looking out at the seas.

That's my solar eclipse, it's neigh
Where the great giver of life can die
And I can break free from my ancient crypt
And become the pandemic that has things flipped.

I'm a puddle
in the shade,
too afraid to
let the sun
dry me up.

I make walkers
play my game,
it's a pain when they step
in me
as they're climbing up.

Why can't I be hard like stone
but cushion like velvet grass
and help all of the travellers pass?

Why can't I live in the sun?
It seems like so much more fun
than being a puddle living in the shade.

I think it's cool
how you dance with no song
And it's cool
when you tell me I'm wrong
And it's cool
Saying what you think
And it's cool
To have you listening


it's beautiful not to know
what'll happen tomorrow
lets admit that we'll have fun
and that we've already won
Let's agree to do our best
And to not get too depressed
Under grey and raining skies
Taking lows with the highs  


I think it's cool
How you can shake a hand
And it's cool
You pretend to understand
And it's cool
When you told that joke
And it's cool
You frowned before you spoke


And maybe we'll be just the same
As we were yesterday
But if we live like we will die
We would start to wonder why
We don't just do what we want
But don't get what we think we want
Stuck wanting what we want
Never wanting what we need
But maybe I'm a man to you
And if you're a woman to me
We might live happily
We might  live happily

Whose girl is this? I think I know
he lives in the city though;
he won't see me stopping here
to watch her smile and tiptoe

and give her harness bells a shake
wondering her first mistake
between her second g and tee,
eyes laughing helplessly.

The borrowed room is dark and deep
but we have promises to keep
and miles to go before we sleep;
miles to go before we sleep.

Teresa must think it weird
that I had quickly disappeared
with miles to go before I sleep;
miles to go before I sleep.

I only feel what's bad

and I'm really good at it.

I wasn't born

to be myself,

I was someone else's.

I got all the help money can buy

but I can't be helped,

but when you say that I'm your friend,

I really hope it's real this time.

I hope you're real this time.