Five Years old, ugly and shy.
I saw you letting go and I cried.

Mummy! Mummy!  Please don’t go.
Will you come back?  I don’t know.

Mummy! Mummy! Do you care?
Please, please stay. I want you near.

She looked me in my eyes and said,
“Don’t call me that.  Call me by my name.

It’s Marcia.  Give it a try”.
That’s the last day I saw her…

Until sixteen years later, one day in late July.

By Amoy

Hiding behind the mask of shame and pain
I pick on you just so I can build my confidence and look cool
Who will help me to unmask my pain and show my true self to the world?
I hide in the hole of my mind waiting for someone to care enough to see through my game.
I hurt people because I’m hurt; I pick on you because I was picked on
I suffer in silence only to spew the nastiest thing that my ego dispels from my soul
Can’t you see that my venom masks my pain?
Help me too; I am the victim who only knows pain and anxiety
Everyone helps the victim; can’t you see that I am a victim too?
Can’t you see that my hurt takes shape and camouflages what lies beneath?
Can’t you see I hurt too?
Tell me who helps the bully?
Is it you? Do u have time to help me?
No one will
I guess u think that I’m a lost cause as well?
I’m not a lost cause I am a worthy cause
Who will help the Bully?

If you can get me to admit that I that I need love too then you have done your job
Help me see that I am worthy, that I can be confident without causing pain
Help me to love myself, that's where most of my pain lies.
Help me; forgive me so that I can forgive myself.
Who will help the bully; is it you? We are victims too
Who will help me see that my future can be bright too?
Who will help the bully is it you?

Birdbox
                by Amoy

I live on your social acceptance of me
You keep my face buried, my eyes blind and my mind occupied
You draw me in, I loose myself, trying to find myself
I can't hear the birds chirp, I can't see the sunrise
You are always here but yet I'm afraid and I’m alone
The happiest people living their "best lives" surrounds me
Telling me to see, telling me I need to be apart of it
Don't you want to be like me?
Live feeds, Status updates
Selfies, likes
Love me, don't scroll without a comment
Live streams, fake news, fake friends
Program-me, I need your feeds
It's not just a movie, it's real life get a clue

What was I thinking wasting my time with you
I can’t wait to shed my skin
I can’t wait to give to it to the wind
You ****** my soul and left me thin
I can’t wait to shed my skin
What was I thinking letting you in
You took my heart and left my head to spin
I can’t wait to shed my skin
Seventeen years wasted, gone like the wind
Just like a scorpion it hurts, when you sting
I can’t wait to shed my skin
No more tears I won’t give in
You’re a Narcissist, I won’t let u win
I just can’t wait to shed my skin
Filled with feelings of misgiving
I won't fall for your gas-lighting
God please help me to shed me skin
I Pray, I Pray for a new beginning

I said it once or maybe it was thrice
My words are not nice they cut like knife
What did I say? is it a big slice?
My words are not nice they cut like knife
Can’t I be bold? without paying a price
My words are not nice they cut like knife
I thought was being nice and not mean and cold like ice
My words are not nice they cut like knife
What was the line that pierced through you?
My words are not nice they cut knife
My words change the mood and now you brood
My words are not nice they cut like knife
Why do the lyrics to my song always comes out wrong?
My words are not nice they cut like knife
My words creates an uproar in our vibrational sing-along
My words are not nice they cut like knife
Forgive me my love I know I was wrong
My words are not nice they cut like knife
I’m not trying to create a mash up out of our perfect song
My words are not nice the cut like knife
I don’t want to be afraid to say what’s on my mind
My words are not nice they cut like knife
Don’t let these words make our relationship decline
My words are not nice the cut like knife
We have waited an eternity and now is our time
My words are not nice they cut like knife
I’m sorry Babes I was completely out of line
My words are not nice they cut like knife
I swear I’ll try, I’ll do better next time
My words are not nice they cut like knife
Words aren’t my strongest suit they get intertwined and messes with the baseline
My words are not nice they cut like knife

Death, darkness, despair, that how I found you.
Stardust, gunpowder, riffle, nine, I’m glad I came in time
Loss, anger, no fear, no care, oh dear!
I stared deep in your eyes and wonder, wonder, wonder and wonder
Why oh why did I let you go
Why oh why did you tell me no
Time, ring, cell, nothing can keep it in
Tears, pain, emotions I wanted none
Gun, run, no fear, no fun, in a minute the bullet left the gun
Into the darkness you retreat, leaving no trace of light not even from the sun
Walls closing in, dark as night, that’s where I found you
Clinging tight to the pain, let me be your knight
You took my hands and we drifted, drifted out of sight

My heart is bleeding
Spewing blood everywhere
It's all over my hands
It all over my body
It looks like a crime scene
Yellow tape, chalk outline
I wish I could turn back the hands of time

Is self  the vessel that holds our souls?
or is  the soul our true self?
should we look to our outer appearance  and the world to define ourselves,
do we search for the love of self through what people see and say about us?
someone once said "self cant help self"  what did he mean?
if self cant help self then who can?.. after all.. our self is the only
true companion we have in this world. here is one thing I've have learn.
when  we love our self for who we truly are inside,we defines our essences  and it is our essence that define us.

Take this heart off my sleeve
Leave my chest hollow
Empty, pain and ache free
Make me feel my heart less
less beating to the rhythm call love
Make me more incline to decline this feeling called love
Release me from this ******* holding me hostage, ******* , chained up, starving for days
Held in captivity filled with  negativity
I earn to learn to turn cold to replace my heart with an gaping hole

It’s like walking on air
Floating on sunshine

Sniffing rainbows
Dancing with unicorns

Twirling under sunsets
Always and forever my love

Midnight!
Midnight!
Midnight!

The burning sensation of those word were hard to digest
Sorrow, Tear, How ugly can I be
Black is Beauty I say…to whom they say

Midnight! Midnight!.. you are as dark as Midnight
I'm haunted by those words, As they stuck to me like fresh sap from a tree..
I’m drowning, I’m drowning, I can’t get free, those words will forever trail me..

They trailed me; they jarred me, Blackie Tutu! Blackie Tutu!
How can kids be so cruel using skin color as a tool
I held my own and stayed cool for I knew has long I was in this school my fate was doom.

Pickey-Pickey head! was the melody of the song
I listened allowing the word to sink into my soul
The beat made me sick and I knew this one would also stick
I Looked up to the sky wondering why
No! No! No! Woman don’t cry
Be an African and hold your pride…

Hands by my side, I held my head up high
I found the fight within me, Stone faced Killer bee
I faced the music and it set me free
On the attack I had them flee…using word to conquer thee
I carried on knowing freedom wasn’t free and then
Like bolt of lightning it occurred me  
To defeat them I had to BELIEVE in ME

In the ***** fields the red plant glows
Shining bright row by rows
Highlighting our opiates blight
Soldier by soldier I save tonight
Ease their pain do it right
For they may stray towards the light

Fragile, handle with care
This side down
Care of, my heart
Postage, paid in full
Express delivery

By AMOY

Leaves on the tree falling down to my feet..
Lay and sleep…... I say for you will  return to Mother earth..
You 'll see ……
You'll  meet many friends along the way...
Little feet, tiny feet, Mr. worm, Mr. Squirrel and old lady Wind...ohh...She's a Swirl!..
have fun  I say, for the rain will be here soon and days will still be bright til night falls and old man snow stirs ... brrrrr...brrrrr.. sending tiny little snow flakes our way ahhh ...ahhh....mother earth breaths again

By Amoy

Breathe…Breathe…heart beat, life!
Inhale, inhale. I saw your chest rise,
Exhale… exhale… no!  no! No! No! No!
Weeping, weeping, wailing sounds
Beep.... beep.... beep.... Beep..
Sorrow, grief, pain, grief, sorrow pain
Tears I can’t control, I’m in… I’m out.
The sorrow is deep in my soul
Soul, spirit, tears, dust
Why must this be us?
Soul, spirit, tears, dust, how can this be us?
Must… must… I must see her first
Silence, pain, silence, pain
I watched my baby get carried
I saw, I saw, I can still hear
I want, I want, I need her near
Good-bye little bird, your chirp is dear
Look to the heavens and have no fear
We shall, we shall, meet again, the time is near
Goodbye goodbye my dear!

Take take
Take it all
No give back
Fill your cup
Never fill mine
Feel the sunshine
Let me stand in the rain
I care, you don’t
Push but no pull
Receive but never give
Salute but never stand
Selfish, that’s your brand

It’s a state of emergency
Lock down is in full effect
Soldiers have been deployed
People are running and screaming
A strong taste of chaos is in the air
The fog is so thick
The sounds of sirens is deafening
I heard someone scream suicide bomber or was it **** invasion
There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
Death is imminent and no one is safe

I have been here before
I have once lived on this street
The outside is the same but inside has changed, this old house can weather any storm, I found shelter here before
This old house has seen brighter days, cleaner floors, This old house will shelter me once more

My heart it beats
It beats me, the pain is unbearable
Thoughts, the choices that I made
The path I choose, the stop signs I ignored
The change  I seek, I leaped eyes wide shut
Thinking this time would be different

I loved climbing trees
I use to play with the other boys in the street
Street cricket was such a treat
I would lick 6, over the neighbors yard
loud and boisterous, as the other boys
No one said anything they accepted me as a boy
I was never confused, my ego was never bruised
As I grew, I met the girl I never knew
She took over, and now he has the best view
he's not buried, we live in mutual symbiosis
escaping this worlds unjust definition of my psychosis

There is a storm outside
The windows blew in
The roof is lifting
The foundation is shaking
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
Down comes the roof, it was carried away by the wind
The glass from the windows has shattered
The rain is blowing in
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
The foundation cracks, I can feel it shaking
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
Down comes all the walls
It all fall down around me, everything every last drop
Still I sit wondering will I make it
I have shed my last tear and cried my last cry
But still inside I sit wondering will I make it

There is a storm outside
The windows blew in
The roof is lifting
The foundation is shaking
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
Down comes the roof, it was carried away by the wind
The glass from the windows have all shattered
The rain is blowing in
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
The foundation cracks, I can feel it shaking
Inside I sit wondering will I make it
Down comes all the walls
It all falls down around me, everything every last drop
Still I sit wondering will I make it
I have shed my last tear and cried my last cry
But still inside I sit wondering will I make it