A thin line lay between the - is
and the – was
though my life hadn’t crumbled the day
I listened to you cross that line so peacefully,
it had changed
Life as a memory filled with love, laughter, fear, loss
at times lively with laughter, then broken in loneliness
a circuit of energy,
broken in that instant
The line much thinner than imagined
Those fun-loving puppy eyes sitting up front
top of lungs YELLING at trucks passing for no reason
“Wow this is exciting!”
Laying prone with you – a Thursday afternoon that was not random
a family planning day I had pre-planned
to limit the amount of our family anguish on an otherwise
beautiful summer day.
It had always been easy to make decisions for you –
your best interest – my life goal – though me
Your only interest, love to me – through you
You’d shake with excitement just to hear my voice
as soon as in the drive
inconsolable me, grumpy old man home from dreadful, ****** human days
let’s go for a walk, you can fill me in on the way.
then late afternoons disappeared with a ball, a bark and a bribe
The week that “whatzername” finally left
you could hear the emptiness in my heart
so you lay there, listened as love lingered.
You were so afraid to be away from everyone
anyone for very long
cried like a little girl in the front seat waiting for ten human minutes
through the shock and ordeal of
what seemed like
an entire canine summer there on the front seat
yearning my return.
* * *
We lay here now – this cold, damp institution
it’s me this time crying like a little girl waiting
listening for you to cross that
thin dark line.
From this bitter, ***** soaked floor
you can smell the spirit of my late father
standing out back waiting
to listen for your storied years
of mischief, and fun and love and small talk
and the perfect
Dad’s a good listener too
go for that walk, you tell him all about it
We’ll meet again old boy
on the other side of this thin, dark line.
((Jeb The Wonder Dog = May 1997 – July 2011))
6 Apr 21
One of the smartest decisions I've made in my life was to pay for that day in full - in advance. I'd paid for the two shots, the run, the cremation - the whole thing (tax and all), knowing I would be an emotional balloon of tears leaving that office. Sure enough I was.
Perhaps the best decision I'd made in my life. No doubt the most difficult. Has it really been ten years?