*         *
I dont know!
What to write
In order to make a poem
On which subject
On which perspect
These days i tell myself
Healthy stories
Feed myself
A fantasy so ethereal
That even i do know
Its  not Real
My sorrow less poetry
O my pashionless verse
I cannot these days
Makes you into a being
Of katharsis .

I told you that i m not okay!
Had i not ?
I told you that your mother get on my nerves .
I hate people.
I hate myself .
Everything is so disgusting.
My heart is so not in piece.
I m not okay .
I m not fine.
And its not your mother
Nor other people
Or
The world.
Its just me .
Had i not ?
And you said in return.
Don't you know?
You are that kind of person
Who finds faults in everybody
Who hates everyone!!!
You are a mess !!
Pull yourself together .please!
And then you did silenced me.
Like really.

Once upon a time !
Two poeole got locked !
In a passing moment...
Under a gray sky ...
Above a dusty ground ...
Among a crowdy place...
No words were uttered ...
But their eyes !!!
Became an ocean full of...
Hurt ..
Uneasiness
And longing !!!
Waiting for each other to say
The forbidden word ...stay...!
But it didn't last ...
That moment from their past
And they took the shape of somebody else's main character
Somewhere else
in a different story !

I had a dream last night !
It was a sunny spring day !
You and i were under an oak tree
My head was on your lap ...
I was dreaming in a dream
You were reciting me a poem !
So beautiful so lovely
You kissed me on my forehead
And you whisper in my ear
My love !
My darling !
Ahhh and then i woke up
Next to a man ....
I don't hate ...
I don't love ...
With whom i will have my kids...
With whom i will spend the rest of my time left ...
Enveing others
Hating myself
And making him hate himself!

Unhappiness !
Is all around me
I dont have anything to say
Anything to do ..
I m just at my sofa
Wondering what it will be like
After a year or two ..
Might i be happy !
This feeling of nothingness
Is eating me alive ...
The sad thing is that
People believe me to be the luckiest happiest person alive!
And even i dont know what it is
That is not me
That is not me
But every now and then
It comes to me