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Elizabeth Jan 2019
I’m the youngest in my family.

And while it has amazing aspects, nobody talks about the downside of being the baby.

If you stay in a cradle too long, you’ll never learn how to walk.
If you're always spoken for, you'll never find the voice to talk.

How can a love be simultaneously supportive and condescending? I tell them about my hopes to achieve one day, and they return with a weak smile that speaks more than any words they say: sweetie you can’t do that, no way.

Instead of being viewed as strong and independent I'm weak and insufficient.

I have big dreams and they're removed, not approved, because I'm the baby and cant handle something so huge.

I try to imagine a world where I can achieve through hard work and creation…
but babies learn from observation.
I’ll just be the the baby in need of salvation.

I am in a constant state of self doubt, always craving others’ approval and without it back out...

hindering myself from greatness and strength while swelling in shame.
I might have a candles potential, but there’s no fire without a flame.

It’s like an arm thats been held in a cast
or a cherished childhood teddy bear from the past
too much love has made it weak, wether its muscle deterioration or a flimsy, hairless physique.

Nobody talks about the downside of being the baby.
Elizabeth Feb 2018
We were just friendly at first. After we created a connection, they may have even turned into something like a friendly neighbor. They may linger outside, maybe even make it to the front porch, but if they knocked on the door they were met with no response. My heart is locked from the inside. No one has a copy of the key. 

They wait on the steps before turning away and heading home.

If they even make it to this step. 

I became good at avoiding making connections and embracing “the stranger in passing.” We may quickly wave, smile, but avoid something more. Just a stranger in passing. Never making it to my door.

My walls were strong. I was assisted by my friends that shared their heartbreak stories.

My family helped place the foundation, making sure it was safe and secure.

Brick by brick I laid the more they bragged about getting laid.

It was those closest to me that made sure I only had one key. When those you are close to reflect the people you are trying to keep out, you know **** well I didn’t make copies.

I wasn’t prepared for the latest invasion. They didn’t wait for me to answer my door, but pulled apart the walls of my heart, flexing and slipping through the barrier I had worked so hard to build. They made themselves at home, despite my lack of hospitality.

Parts of my walls broken down. I was left susceptible to intrusion. I was left vulnerable. 

As much as I had tried to kick out my guests, I was starting to enjoy their company.

I liked the way I was treated as a person and not a night’s activity.

I liked the way the way his arm felt supporting my waist and his touch through my hair.

I liked the way we smiled when we kissed. 

Eventually, I unlocked the door and cracked it open. 

But my unsuspected houseguests were not there to stay. 

They politely bid adieu, and even rebuilt those walls that guarded me, making them stronger than before. 

They didn't take anything, so physics won’t explain why, but my comfortable home was emptier after they left than it had been before they arrived.

— The End —