nothing burns hotter than the realisation
that you were the problem all along
that those feelings of resentment and hatred
they stemmed from your core, from your habits
abuse had and abuse held, abuse shared
where it didn’t belong

my dear sweet boy,
as time goes on I see more and more the flaws in my actions
the things I said and did
where they came from, and where they went.
my dear sweet boy you and I both know I live in active abuse
where I walk on eggshells all day and seldom talk
yet when I am with you I yell and scream

you should not wear my trauma on your sleeve

it is not yours to hold yet I ****** it into your hands
“here”
“take it”
not many options and the fear that grasped you never let you say no
this isn’t okay
I deserve better
I live in resentment of the world that created the injustice in which I lie
but that resentment boiled into hatred for the blessed life that you were gifted
a mothers love was all I ever wanted.
a mothers love was all you ever got

we fought like fire and rain
I always put you out
the fire inside me burns bright
and I doubt it will ever cease

but that fire isn’t yours to bear
the burns that cover your body are forever
and I see the damage I have done.
I dance to the sound of your minds thoughts racing
thinking
how do I say I’m hurt
without hurting her.
how do I express disscontempt
when I know her mind will flick to the worst
how do I be me
without hurting her

and my dear sweet boy
insight is a miracle
but so is distance.
and I hope she makes you happy
I hope her smile lights up your heart

I listen to the playlist I made you
gave to you the day you went away
and I miss you all over again
my stormboy
the heavens still cry for you

I’ve always written poetry,
Ever since I was little
Little Shannon writing lyrics to love songs when ****,
She didn’t even know love yet.

I wonder if anyone’s figured it out
two unconnected poetry accounts on the same site
Look closer and you’ll read the tale of our love
Poems written at the same times
Watch us unfold
Without knowing when we started where we’d end up

So take a look
Look back
Craft the timeline of our falling in love
and of the out
When we started losing ourselves and stopped writing
When we swear we fell apart,
but didn’t.
Then really did.

Craft the timeline of our words.
We are but words here.

Maybe one day we can write poetry again.
Maybe one day it won’t hurt this bad.

I doubt you’ll read this and call.
But call anyway.
Don’t say anything.
Just call.
I dont know whether to delete your number or keep the hope that we’re still alive in your heart.

only to fall apart worse

maybe i’m mad because i didn’t call this shot
didn’t call the break and the fall
this time
but i ache for you
i ache for you and your hands and your love
spent the night crying into my pillow and heaving heavy sighs of discontent
we both cried before you left
last hug, tight
last hug
last.
you told me you had to leave to find yourself again
we lost who we are
as much as i get that i want to scream
why can’t we do that together
side by side why
can’t you love me like fire
instead of the wind that put you out

i was ready to give it all up
the boys the dancing the times without you by my side
living with you was my home and my bliss and now i must pack
yet again
and leave
yet again
back to a place i can’t call safe
exactly why i left it
for you.
you said you’d always catch me but now i’ve fallen to the ground
never kissing in the rain
2am cursing your name

how do i live if it’s not with you
you say you love me but that can’t be true
you should have told me when you knew.
but you couldn’t face me, could you.

i love you with everything i have left
and i could write for decades about my aching heart
but what good does that do
when i’ve already lost you

I wanted you to be the one
But for now we can’t have that
Everlooming fights and
grasps for attention
We aren’t “us” anymore
Im not “me” anymore
and we need to find that again

Right now you cant love me and I cant love you

but maybe one day..

Run through expensive hotels
Just to come home, play Mario Kart in our underwear
A high-stake love, we burn like fire and cry like monsoons
Holiday flashes become traditions,
Movements of our hands and our arms keep the peace
The making of our love sneaky and frequent.

Ask you to run away with me into the moonlight
To never be seen again
Messy wild and barely free
Eighteen with too many cares and too many scars to hold alone
So let's hold them together
You can't heal my wounds
But you help relieve the pain

Four hands and two hearts ache for one another
Let's build a fort under your desk
Stay there till the morning light.
Movies I can't help to sleep through
Making out through every *** scene
l'll spoon you, kiss your bare back
Hold you tighter than

Drive until there's no more road,
Hands on knees light in the rearview mirror
driving in lingerie just for the ******* risk

Showers shared soothe the soul so hold me close and dear
Wash my hair and I'll wash yours.
The spot in my back that only you can reach.
Feel your heart beat through your chest
Your wet hair slicked back
Piercing blue eyes that melt me like wax and a flame
you are my flame.

We're messy and wild and inconsistent and angry and loving and full of so much.
Keep me safe and ill keep you wild
Until you return, my dear.