hearts beat, faster, faster
thighs bracketed around his waist
kisses clipped short because you just can't breathe enough air
he's holding you with his arms
But you're holding him with everything you are

The goal has always been skinny.
I thought fat was the only thing wrong with me.
There's so many people I told myself I'd lose weight for,
because in my mind, skinny makes them like you more.

Every time I wanted to cry at the dressing room reflection,
I felt that thigh chafing, muffin-topped imperfection.
I'd like to think I'm different, stronger now.
But I'm not. I'd like to stop caring, I don't know how.

At least I've learned if I do lose weight it shouldn't be for them, he, she
It should be for a happier and healthier me.

Sometimes I feel like its written on my face
Every staring eye gives me a jolt
Worry and panic fill every empty space
And I wonder if its all my fault

Sometimes surrounded by people I feel very alone
Why do they look at me?
One moment I’m content, the next I’m thrown
Its like this stranger can see all the insecurity

Sometimes even when I’m happy, I’m sad
I love myself and my life and yet
Something creeps in, something slightly bad
I need the time to breathe, the time to reset

Sometimes I’m sure all eyes are on me
And everyone is thinking something lowly
But I remind myself the outside is all they can see
And I keep these feeling to “sometimes” only

We were blissfully unaware that it was a beginning,
I could see the stars reflected in your blazing blue eyes.
You turned and smiled and I swear my heart started singing,
you became my destiny, the sun in my sky.

I could see the man you would become and the world you would build,
and I knew I would do anything to live in that world with that man.
I fought beside you, you left me thrilled,
you were justice, you were morality, you had a plan.

You dreamed of equality and peace, something I defended ardently.
I did what I could, I may have even saved your life.
But I was only a mirror of your greatness, a shadow made to play my part silently.
You trusted me, I was your best friend, but I hid my hearts inner strife.

I loved you, I still love you, I will always love you.
But I couldn’t seem to say it, to let you see the truth in me.
In my eyes you were golden, I fell to my knees before you.
You were my king and by your side my heart was free.

But now, your gold has faded to white. Your stillness is so startlingly new.
I see no stars reflected for your eyes are eternally closed.
I feel no warmth when I press my forehead to yours, my dearest friend.
You asked me to hold you close in my arms, and you left this world.
And I am painfully aware that this is an end.