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Whisper Yes Oct 2017
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Hotness held within the wholsomeness
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
9 years sober, 9 years without a drink
A daily choice, a daily choice not to drink
Today, today I choose not to
As a child growing up in Aberdeen, northern Scotland in the 60s
Alcohol was the norm – it was the culture
Drink hard, work hard
My father’s father, my grandad was a drinker and fighter, it was all he knew
Work hard, drink hard, never missed a day’s work
Come home on a Friday drunk out his mind, knock my grandma about
My dad as a boy couldn’t stand it, he would run to his aunties
Fear, shame, helplessness, insecurity, sadness, frustration, rage, anger, powerlessness, humiliation
For my father this is where the dance of addiction began, is this where it began for my grandfather 20 years previous?
And so it continues, passed down the generations
Alcohol becomes a coping mechanism, a way to dull the pain, silence the emotions
Escapism, a confidence boost, a way to feel better
Socially he drank, everyone did
He noticed some people could have 2 beers call it a night
He couldn’t
1 drink ignited the need for more, 1 was never enough
A wife, 2 daughters, a career in football
Things would happen, he’d stop for a while, couldn’t maintain it
A divorce, his life spiralling out of control, the drinking spiralling out of control
Rock bottom, rock bottom is usually the turning point, when we admit the alcohol controls us.
That’s when he found alcoholics anonymous and the dance of recovery begins…
The dance out of the darkness
Where he must retrace the steps out that led him in.
AA provided safety, understanding and friendship
A place to share, to feel accepted and heard
A place to learn how to begin to retrace those steps
And he has
To see the man he has become
The man my father is now
I am beyond proud
He changed the culture that he knew
And in doing that he showed me another way
Whisper Yes Feb 10
The time has come
On this Aquarius new moon
As my blood prepares to flow
My tears tell me so
Time now to draw a line in the sand
To no longer carry the weight of the past
The time is now
The future is calling
Draw a line in the sand
Be free, be joyful
Kiss what was and set it free
Honour the love and the lessons
Written on my soul
Carried in my heart
Forever grateful
Forever changed
Whisper Yes Feb 2020
I’m so hungry for you
To be driving fast
Along an open highway
Wind in our hair
Music blaring
Feeling so free
Together and alive
Pressure builds in my chest
I’m terrified
So much anger
Consuming me
Clouding my vision
What to do
Bear the tension
Burn clean
Whisper Yes Nov 2017
he was a no mask man
he looked into my eyes
into my soul
he pulled me forth
caused my mask to fall
his open vulnerability and strength
his cheeky smile
his sincerity
his presence
his desire for a better world
he held me
in every way it's possible to hold a person
he held me
like a baby
like a woman
like a child
like a lover
i didn't realise how much i needed to be held
he looked at me as if i was the most beautiful woman in the world
as if i truly was his angel
i felt like an angel when i was with him
he looked at me with eyes of pure love
pure love
he danced with me
ate with me
sat with me
listened to me
held me
loved me
He was a no mask man
We said yes to the world
Yes to life
Whisper Yes Apr 2019
Her body was tight
Resistant to move
Invisible armour surrounding her heart
Offering it to the darkness
Removing all pressure
She began to move
And it began to melt
Whisper Yes Jan 2018
Brand yourself
Get followers
Create a network
Make a website
Put packages together
Who are you??
What is your offering??
It's too ******* much
Hold my hand
Whisper in my ear 'I can do it'
Tell me there's nothing to push
Tell me there's another way
Tell me I can trust the quiet unfolding of my own being
Seminars, webinars
On how they did it
On how they became successful
**** that word
What does it even mean?
I don't want to know how you did it
Keep quiet and let my soul do it it's own way
I don't want to sell you anything
I want to sit beside you
And look into your eyes
So that your soul knows
It's all ok
Better than ok
All is coming
All you have to do is listen and make the moves your heart tells you to make when the time is right
Whisper Yes Jan 2018
Everything's too noisy she whispered
Too much
Too overwhelming
Too much to do
To 'make it happen'
Can't I just be?
Is that enough?
The love that burns inside me
The desire to be of service to the world
To the people who need a little magic
A gentle injection of self belief and fierce loving empowerment
To be of service to those who need to have 'you are enough just as you are' whispered into their ears
I don't want to change you
You don't need to be anything other than just who you are
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Begin
Because of it all
Not in spite of it all
Begin
Take the step
Palms softly open
Heart trembling but willing
The gentle, truthful tremor of not knowing
I do not know
I do not know
I love
But I do not know
Cannot know
Should not know
But what you do know is that you must
You must step toward
Don't think
Feel and then act
Fall into the vortex
The flow, the pull
Step into it
Allow yourself to be swept up, holding soft center but allowing the momentum
Allow the undoing
The becoming
Slowly, slowly, slowly
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Believe in myself, in my life force
Acknowledge my fears
Fear of him not wanting me - getting bored with me.
Fear of the wrong choice - fear of staying and fear of leaving.
Need to trust myself, my gut, my soul
Let me know, I am listening to you
My logic does not know the answer
Whisper Yes Nov 2018
I've seen a ****** up version of love
And you've seen a solid version
I want a family
Solidity, love, belonging
I want a trust I have never known
I believe in love
With every fiber of my being I believe in love
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Slip in, slip under
Under the veil of sense, under the veil of logic
Between realities, between what you, what I know
In between there, is where the work must be done
In the place where logic and words and sense make no sense
In the place where truth, beauty, pain and fear reside
Inside of you – inside of me
Where the hurt lies, where the scars are
The pushed downess, possibly from, definitely from the generations before
The male lineage
My dad, his dad, his dad’s dad, and so on…
They were fighters, so the story goes
The Watsons were renowned for fighting, for drinking
My dad followed and didn’t follow suit
He loved me, loved me so much
Loved me the best he could at the time.
How our daddy’s saw us and loved us effect how we feel seen by men.
Slip under the self-conscious, slip under
Raise the possibility that I could
That I could open up to life
That the harsh harsh critic could quieten and be replaced
Be replaced by connection to heart, to self, to other, to nature
The possibility that I can trust the unknown
That I could move from my heart and trust that movement.
Daddy’s first born
Why so silent daddy?
Better try and be interesting to get heard
Look pretty to be seen
Did you hear me daddy
Did you see me?
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
I love you
I would be yours
If you would only say the words
Just say the words
And I am yours

That was always the case

I needed to be claimed
Truly claimed
I needed to know you wanted me
All of me
That you were willing to commit to me
That I was important to you
I got to learn all that too late
I got to feel the depth of your love too late

Only through trying to leave did I feel how much you wanted me to stay
That you loved me
And truly wanted me around you
I also got to see how much I love you
Bitter sweet
Whisper Yes Jan 2020
Boundaries not barriers baby
Protect but don’t shut out
You feel you have to close the door
But please don’t lock it
Whisper Yes Oct 2020
Deep dark volatile rage
Nothing more to do
Don't make me be nice anymore
I want to rip your face off
To call out the smiles
And the niceness
Mine and yours
Give me something more truthful
More honest
More real
Bravery
Show yourself
Get on your knees and show me
Show me through your actions
**** your words
I couldn't give a ****
**** your excuses
Let them burn
Let it all burn
And then lets see what is left.
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
How to explain
How to find the words to bring the inner confusion and unspoken thoughts out
There’s a place I can do it
A place I can speak the unspeakable
Don’t panic, noisy head, confused heart, little girl, strong woman
Don’t worry, try to trust, try to keep the beauty in your heart
You don’t have to understand it all, or any of it
Be gentle, try and be gentle
Give into being listened to, ask the little girl questions
She wants to be heard, she wants to be understood, she wants to be encouraged
To be found beautiful, to feel special and to feel loved
Jealous thoughts and feelings hurt, they hurt
Accept them, feel them, allow them to pass
Say f*ck it and don’t worry.
Fear of ending up with the wrong person...
I want health in my life, I want comfort, I want a home
I want connection
I want to be confident, I want to be compassionate, I want to be kind
I want to be honest, I want to do what I say I will
I want to have integrity, I want to be peaceful within myself
I want to recycle
I want to be engaged in the world
To accept myself and feel enough
To be grown up enough, and to have enough self-respect to behave well
To think positive thoughts about myself and others
To have a family
To belong.
Whisper Yes Aug 2019
I wonder what we will do
Without wine or TV to distract us
Let's lie on the couch you say
Something in me freaks at the simplicity
At the wide open space and presence you are offering
As I lay there in the quiet stillness something begins to happen
The deep darkness within me begins to open
It emerges into the light like a small animal
The tears start to fall
You stay right by me stroking my face
Telling me I can talk if I want to but that I don't have to
Whisper Yes Nov 2020
I speak
I really want to listen
To hear your heart
What it needs to feel safe
How it’s been hurt
And what it needs to heal
Turn toward me in the dead of night
Whisper your secrets
Let me learn you
All of you
To hear what you don’t say
Whisper Yes Nov 2018
I want to destroy you
NO
I want to destroy all that is weak and false
I want to destroy all that is 'nice'
Be real I call
Be ******* real
Admit it
See it
Be woman enough
To look
To face it
To hear it
Whisper Yes Nov 2020
My mama
gifted with a gift
dream weaver
deep seer
her soul called into the night for a long time
with no promise of retribution
her longing has been met
in the most beautiful, surprising, life affirming way
the mystery that she has so bravely courted and opened to
is now welcoming her home
Whisper Yes Nov 2017
It played with her
It would whisper
That there was someone else who could understand her more completely
Talk deeper
Make love slower
This illusion has been shattered
And the painful beautiful truth is finally shining through
Whisper Yes Apr 2019
She sits on a stool in the kitchen
The last of the evening sun caressing her face

She spent the last 2 hours dancing
Her body being moved by the music
Freedom flowing through her veins

She couldn't talk that day
All she could do was allow her body its voice
Trusting it to show her the way

She lit 4 candles
One for each of them
Her mother
Her sister
Her grandmother
And her

Her body moving
Freeing each of them as she moved
Past present and future dancing
Secrets whispered and revealed through her body
Whisper Yes Nov 2018
I feel like me
I feel happy
Is it that simple?
Do I just need to be held
To be seen
To be kissed and told
'I see you'
'I  know who you are'
To feel his strong body on top of mine
To have my complexity not only welcomed but celebrated
To be pulled so close in the dark
To feel the sweet safety of him
To be kissed and kissed and kissed
Deep and hard and true
To share emotion and longing through our lips and our tongues
Not through words but through our kisses and our touch
Your kisses speak a hundred words
Telling me what your words cannot
Stroking my hair, my face, my *******
Pulling my *******, bringing me alive
Sweet arousal wrapped up in the sweetest holding
Strong and soft
Rough and gentle
Pain and pleasure
You give me it all
Except you don’t
This is a false safety
Whisper Yes Mar 2018
i 've never said i want you
to admit i want you
means i could lose you
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
If I left he would be ok?
Stop thinking only of him
Can I stay?
Can my heart stay?
Wait until you are sure, and then do with courage what must be done
Do with courage what must be done to be true to your soul
Safety is not where fulfillment lies.
Whisper Yes Oct 2019
He was lying on the floor
She was sat on top of him massaging his back
Giving him what she was able to give
Communicating with him in the way she knew how
Running her hands over his body
Feeling his strength
And how much he'd endured
When her hand found its way to his
He grabbed hold of it
Communicating his love and his pain
Holding on so tight
Her fingers encased in his
She could feel it all
Everything said and unsaid
Baby she silently whispered
Wanting to lay down beside him and never leave
For everything else to melt away
For it just to be simple
For it just to be them
Whisper Yes May 2020
Who is the one that knows
The one underneath the one that controls
The soft animal
She
Where is she
How do I reach her
Has she been so over ridden that her instincts are frozen
Goa
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Goa
Expanse of sand
Expanse of ocean
Expanse of sky

People with stories
On a beach with as many
In a country with more

Stories I don’t understand
But can feel

Aging hippies
People on the run
The run from normality

There’s a sadness
A sadness in the too thin aging women

Tattoos drooping
On the run from time

Goa
Beautiful and used

A story to tell
The aging hippy dream

Let it go?
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Desire, attachment, craving
From attachment stems desire and craving
I am attached to you
So therefore I crave your attention
It's funny
Why do I crave your attention so much
What is it about you?
Why do I crave your approval
Why do I so desperately want you to be proud of me
Believe in me
See me
Why?

Is it because I craved this from my father?
Do I transfer that unmet need onto you?
But what is it about you?

You are driven and succesful as my father was
And you have a vice just as my father did
yet you are different
I trust you in a way I never trusted my father

How do I slay this need within me?
How do I meet it from within?
How do I love you without needing something from you?
How do I release my desire for you and all that you represent?

By stepping into my own power
And finally admitting and letting go of my need for my father.
Whisper Yes Jun 2020
To be sat crossed legged face to face
Learning each other a fresh
Nose to nose
Looking into each others eyes
A playful loving freedom envelopes us
Deep trust commitment and devotion
Knowing that we never left each other and now we are home
The journey begins
Of waking up beside you each and every day
Of facing our shadows together
And laughing and loving through it all
Of living into the people we are destined to be
Freedom to play, grow and fall apart in each others arms
Freedom to explore each other’s mind body and spirit
Nothing held back
Heart and soul
Deep peace, deep feeling of belonging
Of here, here I belong, here I choose to lay my head
Him
Whisper Yes Nov 2018
Him
Shared trauma
Deep bond
Killer attraction
Magnetic
Whisper Yes Apr 2018
cards on the table
no games
no pride
no protections
i love you
everything about you
and buddha knows you are not easy
i want to always be challenged by you
to fight with you about whether anger is right to express or not
to make the sweetest filthiest soul shattering love
Which neither of us can speak of
Whisper Yes Jan 2020
To allow all the different parts a voice
To allow them all to speak
To fully express their truth
No judgement
No weight
Simply freedom to express
Once they are all heard
Then truth can emerge
The small deep voice underneath all the others
#trust #love
Whisper Yes Nov 2017
It's you my soul feels home with
Behind ego's dysfunctional patterns
It's you my heart rests easy with
Whisper Yes Apr 2018
i'm tired
i surrender
do as you will
love always love
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Flow
Burst
Keep moving
Let the momentum take me
Go inward
Don’t judge, don’t think
Keep moving
Flowing
Bursting
Dance
Dance till it becomes real
Until I understand
All the pain and insecurity
All the beauty
All the not understanding
Don’t have to understand
Just keep moving
Keep dancing.
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Sexually there was a roughness
You would stuff it into me
Without any softness or gentleness for yourself

Except paradoxically there was a softness
You were soft
You struggled to get fully hard

Oh the irony
How the body will create its own balance

Now that's changed
You have no problem getting hard

My softness opened you up
To sensuality, to eroticism, to life?

I can feel your desire for me
Your need for me

You let me get on top of you now
Often
You didn't used to

Now we silently negotiate
I surrender to you
And you surrender to me

Trusting me, allowing me to wrap you in my softness
You are crying out for my gentleness

You won't admit it but it is the antidote to your push push mentality

You look at me - really seeing me

*** is the place where our need for one another over flows
It's the place we are truly allowed to need each other

I need you. **** I need you
Your absence rips at my heart
Whisper Yes Aug 2020
I forgive my baby
She has done nothing wrong
She reaches out
She sends a silly emoji
It communicates nothing of the truth
Nothing of the depth she is really feeling
She doesn't express her true need
That lies behind the emoji
The true longing to communicate
To speak truth
Let it be what it is
Let go and let flow
Whisper Yes Nov 2020
I crawl in beside you
wrapping my body around yours
forehead to forehead
under the covers
feeling your breath
smelling your smell
our lips reach for each other
your tongue finds mine
tears of longing and elation stream down our cheeks
you pull me even closer
and I surrender in your arms
my heart whispers
please no more fight
let me stay here
I choose you
these eyes, this nose, this mouth, these arms, these hands
no other
let these be mine
let me be yours
give up the fight baby
stop keeping love at a distance
let the walls come down
let me love you home
let me love you home
Whisper Yes Aug 2020
So tender
The largeness of the feeling
Longing to express
To undamn
A well spring of love
Over flowing
Not meant to be contained
Life times of containing
Apologising for the ferocity of feeling
The tenderness that breaks
Cracking open
Surrendering control
Choosing to open instead of close
The pain of reaching out
Needing to be received
Let the reaching be enough
Let the longing bring you home
To feel, to love
It is everything
No apology
Love harder, love softer
Love always love
Whisper Yes May 2020
It is time
To listen to my body
To not over ride her
She knows the way
And I am willing to be led
#body #listening
Whisper Yes Oct 2020
No need to understand
In this moment I feel no kindness
No desire to reach out
Disowned anger
Needing to be owned and embodied
Holding just as much wisdom within it as love
Letting anger, rage and numbness teach me
Slowly revealing their gifts
The refugee aspects of the psyche
Needing to be felt
They have lived repressed
Locked up in the dungeon of conditioning
Labeled as unacceptable
Opening to anger, rage and numbness
Welcoming them home to my heart
Whisper Yes Nov 2019
I wish I could make contact
I don't want this
Trying to stay strong
To not crack and reach for you
To stay true to what we said
To dig into my motives
Question my intentions
For reaching out
Simply I miss you
I hate no contact - it makes me want it all the more
I don't want it to be like this
Can you hear me
Can you feel me
Whisper Yes Aug 2020
At times her crazy feels like a particular brand of crazy
Unique to her
Soul and ego battling it out
Ego bows to soul
Held in the complete embrace of the heart
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
I notice the group of homeless people I see every morning
However this morning they are fully involved in some sort of drama
I notice how one man puts his arm around the other man
I notice the humanness, the support, the love and care

I notice the woman with the **** on her back
It pushes her fully forward so she can't see the sky
I notice her and her husband walking along by the sea
I notice how he is holding her hand
The sight fills my eyes with tears
I hope they go and drink a coffee and share a slice of carrot cake
I hope he kisses her cheek and tells her he loves her
I imagine a blanket of love enveloping them both

I notice the woman with the gold sandals and bunch of floweres sticking out her bag
I notice her dishevelled hair and clothes
I sense her aloness
Her sandals and floweres make me smile
I hope they make her smile too

The moments of beauty
The human need for love, beauty and support
These moments are all around
Within the sadness and dark realities
They are there
The magic is there
I saw these three things on my run this morning....❤
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Be open to my closedness
Resistance comes in many forms
Fear – is my resistance fear?
Fear of opening up, fear of going too far
Write, just write it all down
How it felt when she kissed my head and thanked me
Thanked me for speaking, for sharing
How it feels having a blanket placed over me
How it feels to have found a tribe
How to stay with self?
Just like this – by doing it
Answerable to no-one
Nothing to prove to anyone.
Relationship with men comes from relationship to father?
Don’t let them see all of me
Keep the wild, the introvert, the poetic soulful side back
Fit in with them, how they want me to behave
Don’t ask the challenging questions
Don’t hurt them
Don’t bring up hurtful topics
Don’t leave him – it will hurt him
Is it hurting me to stay?
Still don’t know
The other is constantly there.
Think of the possibility merely the possibility of resistance becoming connection
Don’t have to understand that sentence – don’t make sense of it
Merely consider the possibility.
Resistance becoming connection.
Can feel my mind working out the time, thinking about food
It’s all fine, observe the thoughts, don’t attach
The medicine is working, it is working
Don’t have to do anything
Go with the rhythm, trust the inner rhythm.
I can feel me here – no past, no future, just me.
Whisper Yes Nov 2018
Sweet sweet nectar of surrender
Of arriving home
Of peace
Of a nervous system coming to rest
Of hot tears that anoint and wash clean
That hold close the little one
Serious in her purple jacket
Beautiful
And so alone
Never inside
But outside
In a barren land
Of not being understood
Those big eyes
Taking it all in
Those big serious soulful eyes
That can now rest
Can now turn within
She could not stand the harshness
The discord
The loudness
The ugliness
The vulgarity
She wanted to vanish
From those lunch tables
It disgusted every part of her
That needed beauty
Harmony
Quiet
She needed peaceful gentle holding and seeing
For her sensitivity to be noticed
To be cupped like a butter cup
Softly, gently
Allowing the sun to bathe her in its golden rays
Her life has been a journey to those rays
Those nourishing rays
The warmth of the sun
The simplicity of alone
Of peaceful quiet and sweet surrender
Yes darling yes
Her exile was her becoming
Whisper Yes May 2020
Wishing I'd waited
Paused for a second
Stood still
Gave you a chance
I couldn't of known you'd come
But how I wish I'd waited
Breathe
I have a choice you point out
I don't feel like I do
I feel the longer I am here the more entwined with another I become
The further the distance between you and I
I'm scared you meet someone
I know you need to
It's only fair
I want you to have that
But I want it to be with me
I know you want that to
I have the choice you say
I wish I didn't
Reading your poems
How your past is a hurricane
How we lay together with our child playing bare foot under the moon
These images cut deep into me
I want to hear it all
Whisper Yes Oct 2017
Let it pass through
Let it wash over
Feel it, write it
Live it
Be it.
Don’t hold it, stuck inside
Taste it, feel it, trust it
Let go of the holding
Know that it is real
How I feel, who I am
Is real.
Express it
Give it voice little one
Release that which is not mine to hold
Release that which is not mine.
Whisper Yes Jan 2018
As she screamed
Everything she knew fell away
As she screamed
She screamed herself into a new reality
As she screamed and screamed and screamed
Every old outdated insidious pattern let go
She screamed her way to freedom
She screamed until it all cracked
All the thoughts and questions and fears cracked
Her scream penetrated everything
She screamed and screamed and screamed
Until she was empty
Empty of everything she had ever swallowed down
Empty of every unsaid
Empty of the rage and terror and the desire to hurt
Empty
Empty
Empty
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