a broken heart says
I will never let you see me
a whole heart says
here I am

I spoke to the moon and she spoke to me,
She complained about the sun as i complained about u,
She complained of their differences him being gold her being grey,
I too complained about me and u how i tried to be red when you were always blue,
And just like me and u they never saw each other too,
She said he was always late and he left a little bit early too,
Darling don't u see the story of the sun and the moon is the story of me and u.

Inhaling deep,
The crackling of burning tobacco and paper,
The drying sensation in my mouth as smoke is brought in,
A slight stink in the back of my throat as hot ash slightly sears in passing,
A small amount of vertigo as oxygen is deprived from the brain and the endorphins flood in.

Taking a deep breath just after,
Delivering cool oxygen to my lungs.

Wait

Wait

Wait

Exhale,
As another rush of endorphins hits,
Releasing a stream of grey smoke,
Contributing to the haze already collecting near the ceiling.

Flick
Flick,
And ash falls from the end and collects in the faux marble ash tray,
A small mound having already formed.

Elbow on the table,
And watching the stream of smoke lazily drift up in unique patterns,
Each one different as various small winds changes each a little bit each time,
Mesmerizing really.

Take a pause and do it all over again,
Rinse and repeat.

i am my own city
i never explored
boxed in my own
little world
so scared to move forward
because whatever happens
i will never
ever
be
e n o u g h.