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21
Aylin Sep 2017
21
"Don't look for an end" I told her,
"look for a new beginning."
Darling, you say your soul is drained,
but I haven't met anyone with as much soul as you.
You are patient, and kind,
and as soothing as a poems Rhyme.

She hurt you, but that does not DEFINE you.
Happy early birthday I believe in you
Aylin Sep 2017
fate is a crazy thing.
every decision and move you make creates your path.
We like to think there is a road already made (destiny)
but what if there isn't?

what if in front of us is an abyss and each choice is a stepping stone that helps you through it.
is that why we stay in the same place? or go backwards because of the safety of the familiar stone?

every little thing you do, even reading this poem, can change your life.
the only thing to fear is fear itself.
Aylin Sep 2017
I would drown to keep you afloat.
That’s how much I love you.
You wouldn’t let me drown.
That’s how much you love me.
We are so meant to be.
C.W
Aylin Mar 2020
C.W
only you could get through my walls, you would think they were never there. The way you easily and gently slid in. I thought I have loved but never like this. You are my missing half. My night in shining armor. I see hope when I look into your eyes. I have butterflies in my stomach. You give me all the feelings in my heart.
Dad
Aylin Oct 2020
Dad
My fingers look at the letters on the keyboard and I’m barely able to form words.
I want to write of my pain but I can’t seem to explain.
My hero is gone and I need saving.
I feel so alone and everything keeps changing.
This pressure in my chest is getting too hot.
I hate that I can’t go to where you are.
If I were to take it upon myself I’d only rot.
So I have to let it burn, and burn, and burn.
While I constantly think when will it be my turn?
You don’t want me to think like this and I know it.
But I’ve  stopped trying to be heroic.
This pressure in my chest is getting too hot.
But you won’t give me the option to stop.
Because it’s not just me anymore.
It’s been 40 days since you went with God Dad. Can’t wait to tell my baby about you.
Ex
Aylin Sep 2017
Ex
He would make me confess my fears and used them as amo if I tried to leave.
He would draw the bad blood out of me and then drink it. Then say no one else would do that for me.
That was never love
Aylin Nov 2017
imagine falling in love with a person just to find out that’s not who they really are. I fell in love with who I wanted to see you as... did I imagine it all?
Aylin Aug 2017
Your dark, dark eyes light up my whole existence. There is a fire in them that should scare me but instead  I am like a moth to a flame.
The fire has transferred into my heart and it flickers at the thought of you.
GOD
Aylin Nov 2017
GOD
So we are free of what he wants us to be free of and he understands it hurts and it’s okay that it hurts because we’re the kind of people that actually mean what we say and that is true emotion that receives true pain.
Aylin Nov 2017
My smile goes from cheek to cheek
While the sun is on its highest peak.
Happiness creeps into my heart
As I make my car start.
I turn my music up loud.
And I put on my favorite song.
I sing at the top of my lungs.
And I feel as free as the waves caused by the base of my song.
Happiness in its purest form :)
Aylin Apr 2018
I love you dearly...
           I love you nearly every second.
Of every day........        but I can’t stay.
You’re making me bottle up my love and put it away.
Aylin Sep 2017
The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again expecting a different result. That is what most of us do. No wonder we feel a little crazy sometimes.
Aylin Oct 2017
I give so much of me that sometimes I am left with nothing. Like a tree that grows precious fruits but is not watered I may wither away.
I will do anything for those I love
Aylin Aug 2017
After all life is a blur. You said I would  never write a sad poem when I'm with you and here I am. with tears in my eyes, it is all a blur.
Aylin Aug 2017
I felt warmth sliding down my throat last night.
I felt the warmth turn into numbing in my head.
There we were.
Five hearts in one room bringing our loneliness together.
I felt the warmth sitting  in my stomach.
I shared the warmth with them.
We laughed and we smiled and we cried.
The warmth guided the truth into my fingertips as they typed.
Confessing.
I felt warm.
Aylin Jul 2018
My undying love for you is what nightmares are made of. I often compare you to the dark...

Darkness can be scary.
Darkness makes you look both ways.
Darkness makes you paranoid.

But darkness like you Martin.

Your Darkness makes stars shine brighter.
Your Darkness adds thrills into my life.
Your Darkness casts a shadow over my heart.
And never do I want to escape your darkness.
Aylin Oct 2017
The mind is tired the mind is weak.
So complex, all unique.
The mind is lonely.
The mind is full.
It has no boundaries.
There’s no set rule.

The mind is tired, but it is strong.
Even after all goes wrong.
Aylin Jan 2018
How incredibly lucky am I that I get to love you for the rest of my life?
That I get to kiss those lips every night?
That I get to hold your face in my hands?
That I get to witness that smile and sometimes even be the reason behind it.
You make my heart do a thousand beautiful things.
You show me what love is.
Aylin May 2017
you beg me for a chance then you wipe your *** with it.
well your *** should be sparkling clean because I'm the **** head that keeps handing them to you.
I wanted something for you that you did not want for yourself.

Happiness.

I've run out of chances to give you.

Finally.

sorry if it came to you as a surprise. My broken heart and the loads of happiness you did not want are coming with me. This is not a see you later. This is a final goodbye.
Aylin Oct 2017
My life became bright again when I realized the sun was in my name.
This little light of mine...
Aylin Oct 2017
You look at me and see
Sweet homemade vanilla
Shy, innocent front.

How unexpected are all these flavors
I hold underneath.
Aylin May 2017
My mother, my father, my brother, me. We were separated once.  In front of us we saw death. A little bit further we saw bars, and right ahead we saw the dream. Where do you think we are now? If you chose death luckily you're wrong. If you chose the dream ding, ding,  ding! you are right. If you chose bars don't be upset, you were also right. Turns out our dreams were behind the bars. Soon they will be behind a wall.


Happy Cinco de mayonnaise..
Aylin Oct 2017
And when I thought love couldn’t get any more deceiving you came along.
You painted a beautiful picture and even wrote me a song.

I didn’t realize your best talent was acting.
How foolish was I?
How did I not realize?
All these well thought out Lies? I wasted so many beautiful feelings on you. You broke the last piece of hope I had.
I guess that’s you doing you.
Aylin Oct 2017
If you find a boy
Who says all the right things
Who seems like he’s read your mind
Who creates moments
That you day dream about all day
Stay away because that
Boy is
Nothing
       But
             Trouble
Aylin Mar 2018
I have a mighty feeling in the pit of my stomach
That tells me that I don’t have to have a somebody
It’s telling me that I’m capable of more than I think I am.
It’s telling me I’ve done more than I thought I could.
It’s telling me that I can do what I want, when I want.
If it makes me happy.
It’s growing, the feeling.
And it’s about to burst.
You don’t know how lovely you are
Aylin Sep 2017
Please, all of you that pray. Act on it.
Aylin Jun 2018
“You’re a stupid *****”

                                             “Don’t leave me”

“Stupid ****”
                                            “you’re so sweet”

“Why did I ever get back with you?”

                            “I’m so lucky to have you”
“I hate you”

                                                      “I love you”

                               STOP!
Make....it...stop...
Aylin Sep 2017
Why are things easier said than done?
We get trapped in the thought of what could be.
Then when it doesn't happen we feel numb.
Thinking
"Why does this happen to me?"
I will not remain in the labyrinth that is my mind.

I   Will   Set   Free
Aylin Nov 2017
I am holding myself back to love you.
Even though you’re the only one that truly loves me enough to catch me.
I just know that once I FALL
I’m done.
I will be yours.
Fully devoted
To you.
Aylin Feb 2018
They won’t love you like I do..
They won’t try to be your sun when you’re cold.
They won’t try to hold your hand when you’re sick.
They won’t pray for you to be bold.
You won’t be the one they miss.
I would give every ounce of me to you.
Yet you appreciate them more.
You would be there for them in a heartbeat.
Yet ignore my presence.
Maybe if I’m gone you’ll notice me...
Aylin Jul 2018
My mind thinks
              “He doesn’t want you here”
I say
              “I’m gonna leave”

“Okay”

Mind
                “You SEE I was RIGHT”

Why do I do that? Why can my mind not let me be okay, let me be happy? Why mind do you always try to make me sad? What did I ever do to you? To make you attack me every day? WHY DO I DO THIS!
Aylin Oct 2017
“You took the sun with you when you left” -rupi kaur
Aylin Oct 2017
I loved the me I was when I was with you.
Now I don’t want to be anyone.
I came to you when I was broken and you broke me even more.
Aylin May 2019
I just want to talk.
No fighting, no phones, no half *** attention.
I just want to feel some kind of connection through our souls.
I just want to talk, but you don’t let me.
You don’t want to.
It’ll happen again.
I will leave your life
And you will say
“Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
Aylin Apr 2019
I don’t know who I am.

I don’t feel like myself.

Where did she go?

The old me?

Why was she hurt so much when she just tried to love?

When did these walls go up?

When did she go so numb?

When did she DIE?????
Aylin Jan 2018
I tried to hold myself back from loving you. I knew once I did it’d be the end of me.
Regardless, I fell.
Hard.
And I will continue to do so over and over untill there is nothing left.
Aylin Nov 2017
I want a family.
My heart yearns for
Little hands to tug on my hair.
For the beautiful sound of laughter
After a temper tantrum.
For the love that’s been put up
To finally be released.
I want a family to love.
Aylin Sep 2020
The everlasting agony of heartbreak is what is killing me.
I’m not being dramatic when I say my heart breaks.
The more I learn to love.. to accept love.. the more terrified I am.
So scared that sometimes I think if I have nothing then I can’t lose anything.
Because it’s the everlasting agony of heartbreak that is killing me.
Aylin Nov 2019
Loud pounding in my head.
As I lay lifeless in my bed.
with the thoughts of what was said.
How can love grow
if hate is constantly fed?
Aylin Feb 2018
Foot prints in the wet sand.
I hear the waves crashing and tumbling at my feet.
Going with the flow doesn’t crash and tumble as gracefully.
Most of the time it doesn’t even flow.
Aylin Jul 2018
If I could paint the way I love you it would be a beautiful sunset.
Overcasting a sunflower field.
The beautiful blended light of the sun joining the darkness.
The canvas would be filled with so many shades and colors.
If I could paint the way I love you...
Aylin Jul 2018
It hurts to love someone who loves differently.
Where as I would cross an entire ocean to see my world in your eyes.
You wouldn’t drive two blocks to see me.
Where as I would wipe the tears from your eyes and be by your side.
You would let me cry alone.
Where as I would sacrifice my last ounce of happiness for you.
You would say “well I didn’t ask you to do that”
I know I’m not the easiest to love.
But I would take a bullet for you.
Why can’t you love me the way I love you
Aylin Sep 2017
Last night we decided that the world was ours.
Aylin Oct 2017
I love you.
Us
Aylin Aug 2017
Us
The nervousness slid off to reveal our naked vulnerable souls. You grabbed me with your eyes and shook me with your smile. We made love to our minds as we floated. Not caring where we'd end up.
Aylin Feb 2019
I changed into a little set of lingerie when I got home, a blush pink mini dress, and I shook a little extra while doing the dishes. Our very first Valentine’s living together. We didn’t go out on a fancy dinner but we stayed home and cooked.  I have daydreamed about every holiday to live with you, but this one is more special than I ever thought.
You didn’t give me any flowers, but you bought me my favorite snacks and you made us some yummy salsa while I prepared the food. We were high on love, and a little something extra. It was fun, it felt like home. These are the moments that are better than my daydreams.
I never get tired of falling in love with you. My Valentine.
I’m breathing in the moments that I’ve always dreamed of.
Aylin Oct 2017
Don’t believe the words they say.
They will hurt you anyway.
They will promise and adore.
Then they’ll throw you on the floor.
Don’t believe the words they say.
They will break you anyway.
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