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Tyler 5d
You were a stranger,
And I loved you before I knew you,
But it was a conditioned love.
For if you didn’t look like you did,
Or talk like you did,
Or think like you did,
I wouldn’t have loved you at all.
If you were nothing like how you were,
I would have never loved you.
So it was a conditioned love,
And you were passive about it all.
It wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t help who you were.
But you never stopped it.
You let it fester,
And let me burn for you with
Love and lust until the two became one,
And it became all I was.
The air I breathed was for you.
So I burnt and you watched,
Or maybe you didn’t,
Maybe it was too terrible to see.
All I know is that you’re covered in my ashes,
And you look stunning in grey.
Tyler Feb 2019
Lovers do come and lovers do go,
Presence be fleeting before they disappear,
Through the beats of my heart's to and fro,
And I dream dreams of Hemingway and Shakespeare.
Dreams which I find no likeness when I wake,
Dreams that are better to be forgotten for my own sake.

*** forma dilapsus amor

Indeed indeed there has been time for dreams
Dreams of the deeds and feats of you and me
Dreams of figments that tear me apart at the seams
Dreams of the fanciful and redeeming “we”
But dreams are ****** to remain mere dreams
Cursed with the promise of pyrite’s gleams

*** forma dilapsus amor

A thousand little words left unsaid,
A thousand petty fears unrestrained,
That coalesce into a half empty bed,
Which may leave while I stay chained.
Dreaming of faceless figures; whoever they may be,
I do not think that they may dream of me.

*** forma dilapsus amor

They surely dream of such pretty things
Of love and fate; not lust and chance  
Of handsome men and diamond rings
Of futures past our temporary dalliance
Never turning to any thought of me
Fantastical loves but never one given in reality

*** forma dilapsus amor

Tired lines are painted across my forehead,
Tattoos fade to grey, losing shape and matter,
Body aching and waiting in a half empty bed,
Ears ringing as old dreams now collapse and shatter.
No sounds of cries nor hushed prayers
Save my own, that fill the cold desolate air.

*** forma dilapsus amor
Tyler Sep 2018
Let us leave for foreign places
Away from this city of boringly beautiful faces

For ash filled cobbled stone streets
Fields of blooded roses and golden wheat

Castles cemented in antiquity
Crumbling walls of barren cities

Abandoned cathedrals of a bygone era
Smoke filled bordello backrooms with mirrors smudged by mascara

Let us leave before the hours turn late
And I have wasted my life awaiting fate

But I grow old
And warm dreams turn cold

How stunning you look tonight
How badly I want to tell you these words I write
Tyler Mar 2019
My eyes did not open this morning,
But that's okay, my bed is warming.
A hornet's nest is hanging above me,
But that's alright, it's just a warning

Of good feelings cuz they're never free.
Broke the mirror cuz I don't like what I see;
Knuckles scab and my tongue is flayed,
Hurts so bad but the pain is heavenly.

Oh darling what of that floor you laid?
What of all the debts that were left unpaid?
All the times I promised I'd be alright,
But I'm still ****** up and I wish I'd stayed.

Yeah baby that's okay, baby, that's alright,
I'm cold but my rooms filled with golden light.
I can't see it with my eyes stitched so tight,
Oh but that's okay baby; cuz I think I feel alright.
Tyler Sep 2018
My love is an antique

It grows old and gains rust
Sitting on a shelf, idly gathering dust

It withers and decays
Slowly trading it's vibrant color for grey

But it will not die
It stands; crumbling before your eyes

It loses it's strength, but never it's essence
Existing for you in eternal evanescence
I would appreciate any and all feedback
Tyler Mar 2019
I have heard the war drums approach,
On the borders of angry states,
Where lesser men dare not encroach;
And strong men meet untimely fates.

"In what time and in which manner?"
They come in random intervals.
"For what cause and for who's banner?"
A dead issue to disposed souls.

I have seen blood wet two lands soil,
And dry to a patriot stain,
But when old blood is set to boil;
Young blood returns to spill again!
Tyler Jan 30
Row by row and row by row,
Marching too and then marching fro,
The Ancient saints, gone—gone—gone,
Into the sea’s most violent throws.

Brothers and sisters look on,
To the bare grey of the new dawn,
To however this sets them free.
Waves pull the pelican and swan,

Down into antiquity.
No tears cried, no lost sympathy.
Mary, the Lord is with thee.
Hail Mary, the Lord is with thee.
Tyler Apr 2019
I hung myself on the first of July.
Hung myself right atop Picacho peak,
Where hard dry desert meets infinite sky;
Off between angels’ cries and demons’ shrieks.

But louder were the caws of some near crow
Who rasped joyfully, “This is the last place,”
He smiled, “There is nowhere else to go.”
Laughing vainly ‘til tears stream’d down his face.

And flew off into a veiled oasis,
Some realm my presence was not permitted,
Where mortality was not life's basis,
And creatures rivaled gods; ne’er submitted.

Oh that region knew neither pain nor death,
But I thought none of it aft’r my last breath.
Tyler Oct 2018
I've found truth in lies
As I've grown older
Fire dies
When it meets reality's cold shoulder
I told myself I fell in love that night
When your face was covered by the black
But words shined light
And some of them I wouldn't take back
But others were sin
Especially those three
That hid behind a tragic grin
Shrouded in fatal hyperbole
Time has passed and passion is dead
And I wish I had meant those words I left unsaid
Tyler Aug 2019
You bared your bleeding heart,
I couldn’t stop from falling hard;
Falling away... and I wish I could forget
All these visions that still fill up my head.
 
You look like my favorite sin.
Headlights on you, they never dim
Shining bright, waiting on a curtain call;
Walk away, maybe I won’t overthink this all.
 
I owe you so many thoughts I keep all to myself.
Can’t believe this is too good for my health;
You didn’t see how I died at the foot of your grace;
Call me a martyr with a cause gone to waste.
 
If I could relent to my old stubborn ways,
I’d again love to die by your grace.
Tyler Jul 2019
Try, try, I try with all my might,
For years, years, for years I fight,
To love you how I think I ought,
Again, again, beneath starlight.

What passion has such moments brought:
Not spoken--but often thought,
From time, reaching that crisis,
Others, that progression is fought.

Such nights, so warm and desirous,
I find my lost, ancient virus,
Deep in those golden irises,
Lost in those golden irises.
Tyler Jun 2019
I saw some shadows following me last night,
Some of them must have been yours.
They all disappeared by the morning,
Running in between the cords.

I’m so desperately in love with
Everyone i grew up with,
And that’s okay with me.
The shadows always come back to me.

Heavens gates are open but i stay grounded,
I’d ask for prayers but i don’t think that
No one here thinks much of me anyway.
I can still see the shadows anyway.

They’re running in between the cords.
Some of them have gotta be yours.
Tyler Jun 25
Charles you’re looking pale
And your fingers are curved
And clenched, and cold, and light
They feel like a chill around my throat
You should really get some rest
Or maybe drink some wine
You oppress me with your conversation
And I never know what to say when you’re like this
Hit me, Charles.
I want you to hit me.
Maybe one of us would feel something if you did
Maybe we could live a little
Because this isn’t life, Charles
This is Hell
And you started the fire
And I hold the keys to every room
Tyler Jun 2019
Back when I was young my father told me:
That I’d grow up, and I would be lonely,
But not to go, chasing Cleopatra,
Or else I’d die just another bachelor.

He said;

“Oh those pretty girls, there are so many,
Just look around you and, you’ll find plenty;
When you’re hurt and broken by a lover,
Amen, don’t worry, just find another.”

I said;

“Daddy, what if none of them love me back?
What if I’m alone, when the sky turns black?
What If all I am, ain’t what I could be?
It’s hard to find wisdom, but not misery”

He said;

“Son don’t stress, there’ll always be someone
Looking just for you. You: their only one.
And don’t ever worry about heartbreak,
The road to love; it is made of mistakes.

So, count your fingers and count your blessings,
Invite Cleopatra to your wedding.
Never love ‘til you don’t have to chase it,
But when you do, don’t you ever waste it.”
Tyler Sep 2019
You are where you’ll always be
Laying silent in the crawl spaces of my mind
With hands filled with dirt and crushed pebbles
Eyes closed and that ****** bleeding smile
Basking in the glory of your own destruction
Tyler Jan 2019
I will love you, in the Spring;
But never in the Fall.
My heart may be yours, presently,
But by dawn it will mean nothing at all.

I will love you like a sin,
That ignites a fire in my soul,
But darling you're only mine in the night,
And morning won't return the innocence you stole.

I will love you until I am condemned to Hell,
But not a second more.
My soul is yours until eternity reigns,
And it leaves to knock on Hell's door.

My Eden love for you burns so vibrantly,
But falling for you will be the Fall of me.
Tyler Jul 2019
Pouring through an hourglass; she’s always “‘in love.’”
I look at her and see some of the stars I lost—years ago.
I never believe a feeling or a word she says,
But that’s nothing new.
I sit up before it all feels too familiar.
There’s a soliloquy of mine floating around,
I can’t quite catch it; I wouldn’t know what to do if I did.
The moment’s crisis is all but lost on me.
My ****** ego and pretentiousness.
I go home to forget any of it ever happened,
And I spell out “lust” where I mean “love.”
Tyler Nov 2019
They are marching in Warsaw,
Through their wind and their snow,
With their banners and their anthems,
And their God and their crucifixes.

They are marching in Warsaw,
Scared and proud,
Strong and powerless,
Loving and enraged.

They are marching in Warsaw,
With thundering footsteps,
That’s clapping fades into the sad,
Sad hums of something destined to be lost.

They are marching in Warsaw.
In vain. In vain.
Tyler Feb 2019
The stars' reflections flicker within daring eyes,
The poetics of nature linger within my fleeting guise.

Cigarette lips making me feel like I'm alright,
Begging out the best version of me tonight.

Proudly bringing this moment to it's crisis',
Free in the grasp of golden irises.

Torching the remnants of my minds manuscripts,
Warmer than the feeling I find between your hips.

Forgetting time and just thinking of you and me,
Because by morning I don't know who I'll be.

When I become a prisoner of my own indecision,
And confidence becomes subject to a hundred private derisions.

I'll pry and **** upon words that mean something,
Analyze until they're reduced to sweet nothings.

Meekly **** all traces of nerve and boldness,
Leaving only memory of a temporary indulgence.

That for you will soon hastily forget;
But I will hold as a lovely regret.
Still workshopping this one, any feedback is appreciated!
Tyler Apr 14
Around street corners,
On dimly lit sidewalks,
She’ll come back to you.

As a burnt cigarette drops at your feet,
And you let out your last warm gasp of nicotine,
She’ll come back to you.

As you feel the cold on your bare cheeks,
And zip your sweater all the way up,
She’ll come back to you

Outside the liquor store on 8th street,
With a brown bag in one hand,
She’ll come back to you.

As she takes your other hand in hers,
And burns through you with her smile,
She’ll come back to you.

With warm brown eyes that feel like home,
And skin you could melt into at any second,
She’ll come back to you.

With her kiss,
And her sweet red lips,
She’ll come back to you.

When your head hits the pillow,
And your mind looks for its favorite story,
She’ll come back to you.

In the night.
In your dreams.
She’ll come back to you.
Tyler Aug 2019
You walk in the room and I lose my head,
Walk in the room and you run through my mind.
Some spoken words, a smile, my face turns red,
My courage, my voice, I never find.

What beauty with which you are inflicted,
Such that, by you, my dreams may be wrecked,
Their enduring secrecy, insisted,
My thoughts and feelings, you’ll never suspect.

All this to you, my beloved’s beloved;
My own Maud Gonne’s John Macbride, to I, Yeats,
What contrary roles are we behooved,
I, the ground she walks, you, her heavens’ gates.

Such looks, such passion, more than I could be.
I hold no ill-will, no scorn, just envy.
Tyler Mar 30
Jenny it’s getting dark and
             I should really be getting home,
                                                But I’m in New York City,
And I’m drunk,
And I don’t know what I should be doing with my hands but
I wish I could hold you in them.
Just so I’d know what to do with my hands.
And they wouldn’t feel so weighted,
        And there’d be something in my palms
To keep them from balling into fists.
         I wonder if you were here
If you’d even see me at all;
Now that I’m such a New Yorker.
          And do all these things I’d like to say I hate
But love.
        Irreverently.
                       Passionately.
                               Painfully.
I’m not not myself.
        On the contrary actually.
  I’ve just finally discovered the tools necessary
To make me who I’ve always been.
  I was not who I was.
And you were not who I thought you were.
Or maybe you were.
                     Who am I to say.
I’m just a man you never knew who is deeply, foolishly, and                   completely irresponsibly in love with you.
And who wishes you were here
So he could hold you
And keep his hands from balling into fists.
Tyler Dec 2018
I've been living in the walls,
Present but not known,
Watching the rises and the falls,
Of lives more interesting than my own.

How lovely life seems,
How beautiful are these faces,
How well do they hide their cries and screams,
That they confide in me, concealed in my secret hiding places.

Can they feel me here?
Do they hear my breath behind this thin white plaster?
Or when I join them in shedding tears?
But I keep quiet, averting disaster.

One day, hidden in these walls, I will die,
And they will find my body and drag it away,
Bury me in some hole without saying goodbye,
But if my soul survives... in my memory they will stay.
Tyler Jun 2019
What feeling do you inflict upon my lips
That ought be saved for someone else
What feeling do i invoke between your hips
That may be the root of our own hells
Tyler Aug 2019
With arms around you I make love to myself.
Outside the leaves are changing with the ode of Autumn,
And the rain sings my favorite grey old song,
But I don’t think it sings for me.
You look up at me as if this all means anything,
While I hate everything i do to you,
And I will not tell you my name,
But I don’t think you’d care to know it.
You’ll be done with whatever this is soon enough.
Our ****** vignette of nothingness.
You put your nails in my back like you’re supposed to,
I kiss your neck as I imagine I probably should.
We act out love like the marionettes we are,
But we will garner no applause.
Tyler Jan 2019
Lovely thoughts hide behind green eyes,
War and poetry consume your mind,
And to your lips they bring forth words so wise,
And with beauty unrivaled by any poet I may find.

How loving a heart you possess,
Spewing the blood of passion by fire,
Creating emotions always felt in excess,
Trapped in the rubble of broken glass and barbed wire.

But when our lips touch I hope your mind and heart are at rest,
The mind's thoughts cease to allow the moment to be,
The hearts turmoil is replaced by fire within your breast,
And through green eyes I am all that you see.

But when you leave this earth, your soul set free,
I hope you leave your mind to science, and your heart to me.
Tyler Aug 2019
My dream: A juniper tree.
Giving shade, to you and me.
Where sin feels ever so sweet,
And our heart and thoughts roam free.

My dream: old cobblestone streets.
Where we feel no chill nor heat,
And you, my heart, forever keeps
The old Parisian feat.

My dream: A chapel steep.
Ran down to Destiny’s deep
Grey eyes, that I see and weep.
For this dream, I stay asleep.
Tyler Nov 2018
My eyes will grow red,
Strained to hell,
Looking for that familiar thread,
To lead me back under your spell,

Tell me I love you,
And that you're all I need,
And my inventions I find in empty bottles are true,
Then choose any artery in my body; and watch it bleed,

Save me, even if it's just for a night,
Sin will suffocate me as I stare into my reflection in your eyes,
That look through me as they burn and ignite
The love I proclaim; which is but lust in disguise,

My eyes will grow redder than the blood I bleed,
As I am informed I love you, and I concede.
Tyler May 2019
I am not in Kansas,
I can’t stand but I am dancing
Atop table counters at the mall,
Crying out in every bathroom stall.
Razor blades take lucid shapes,
Cut it all out, but save the rage,
Compress it into a can of air;
Forget where you are and why you’re there.
Freeze my lungs and burn my lips
In the grasp of your fingers’ tips.
Arizona is slipping away
My shoulder’s ink just fades and fades,
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.

It’s been a while since I’ve bought a dress,
Or gotten a pack of cigarettes
Then burnt them and inhaled the ashes.
Now I just see ghosts of ghosts,
And can’t recall the words I spoke
Years ago to Mallory Olson,
**** it I killed my memory.
You gave me all of your mom’s liquor,
When I started getting a little too sober;
Oh I would’ve spun so hard,
I would’ve fallen so hard,
Jumping the fence to my backyard,
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.

The ceiling only ever danced for you,
I was just happy to have a room,
Away from my home and family,
I liked the fire more than all the trees,
They all spoke to me in prophecy,
College degrees, wives, sons and daughters,
Each day destiny’s a little farther.
I left you where I met you,
With pyrite and a tattoo;
The flowers cover over all the scars,
Darling, the flowers cover everything,
The flowers will cover over everything.
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.
Tyler Nov 2018
You aren't my first
Passion is rotten
Leaving only thirst
And memories to be easily forgotten

When I look you in the eye
And tell you I love you
I pray you never ask me why
Leaving me to respond, "Comfort, complacency, and satisfaction too."

How boring is loving you
How wasted is our time spent together
Do you ever wonder if your feelings aren't true?
That maybe you don't want me to be your forever?

But alas, we can pretend
That our love deserves to be serenaded by church bells
And that we'll be star crossed lovers until life's end
And that I'm not reading you love poems I wrote for someone else
Tyler May 2019
The past’s mistakes do not go on gently,
They bask in desire and superstition.
So i mourn old memories turned deadly,
That still compound now with repetition.

My Sins are never truly repented.
They surface each day, with new renditions;
Only to be instantly lamented,
But regret submits to repetition.

Lust and greed and especially vanity,
All fated for contentment’s demolition,
All that I’ve loved is lost so damnably,
Through the wickedness of repetition.

All these words are merely an admission,
For action—still follows repetition.
Tyler Jun 2019
Sally why don’t you throw on that green dress?
The one hanging behind your closet doors,
The one that would always make me a mess,
The one that always makes me wish I’m yours.
 
Sally you should really go get some sleep.
I won’t recognize you next time we meet,
Every time I see you, I hear you weep;
I almost wish you didn’t taste so sweet.
 
Sally you don’t have to go run away,
I don’t know why you’ve gotta worry me,
Write me when you find somewhere dry to stay.
I’d like to find out what you want to be.
 
Sally just try to keep me in the know,
I would follow you anywhere you go.
She
Tyler Jun 2019
She
Eyes so icy; like the heart of her mother,
Burning the air; and matched by another’s,
But that’s fine,
The feelings divine,
I like how it hurts once in a while.

A smile and a few words could melt me down,
Just a puddle for her to walk through on the ground;
And that’s alright,
She’s such a sight,
I can ignore all the lies.

Throw away the makeup and perfume,
And she can still steal any room.
She’s perfect,
I’m an addict,
I get my fix some of the time.

Idyllic dreams of untold Rome’s and Paris’
Caught in the constellations of slashed wrists;
She’s shattered.
I’m enamored.
This girl with be the death of me.
Tyler Sep 2018
I feel most comfortable in my skin when it’s pressed against yours
In small rooms guarded by locked doors

Where all we hear is your steady breathing
And my anxious heart hurriedly beating

As we melt into one another
And all we know is this moment, trapped within each other

Not love, not lust
Just a physical wanderlust
Tyler Sep 2018
I hope she has your hazel eyes
That glisten with wonder under the moon and the night sky

I hope she has your smile
That makes all the tears seem worthwhile

I hope she has all your dreams and your aspirations
And that when I’m with her I feel a familiar sensation

I hope she tastes like cherry cola against my lips
And that it feels like I’m holding the world in my palms when my hands are on her hips

I hope she isn’t afraid of anything except loneliness and the dark
And is a perfect reflection of you, down to every curve and birthmark

Because I know you’ll never again say you love me too
So, I’m willing to settle for someone else, if they’re just like you
Tyler Oct 2018
I love green eyes with specs of amber
That burn into me while I down shots of coconut liquor

I love little meaningless sins
That imprint themselves all over my skin

I love staring at the stars and midnight conversations
And feeling satisfied without giving into temptation

I love the smell of your perfume on my flannel jacket
And sitting on the hood of your car smoking Marlboro cigarettes

I love the feeling of your head rested against my chest
While we're ****** up on cheap pills and whippits to relieve our stress

I love everything that I know I'll never get back
All the memories condensed into mere flashbacks

All the good times and all the bad
Everything in the past that now drives me mad

All the "I love you"'s left unsaid
All the hangovers that made me wish I was dead

All the early morning before school coffee runs
All the petty arguments that I never won

I miss it all, desperately
And most of all I know with certainty

I miss your green eyes with specs of amber
That burnt into me while I downed shots of coconut liquor
Tyler Jun 2019
In through the nose and out through the mouth.
Over and over; repeat it ad nauseam.
Keep it up and find the way out
Breathe out Count to five out loud.
 
“One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now breathe out
Breathe out “One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now let it all out
 
“I hate that you don’t care that I’m proud of you
I hate that he loves you the way I do
I hate your good looks and reading new books
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate my mind I hate my life
I hate ever not being by your side
I hate the way you think of me
I hate my walk and I hate my talk
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate the mountains and I hate the trees
I hate doing things that make good memories
I hate the amber specs inside your iris’
I hate my lovers, every-one
I hate the *** and all the rest
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out.”
Tyler Dec 2019
With the pale cracked mouth of a saint you spoke
In patterns; like all my favorite prayers,
Ave Maria, Our Father, so on.
Pray, pray, the old forbidden question.

Au revoir! Scene!

A half burnt cigarette lands at my feet.
Oh what’s it all mean? What is it to me?
The old Manhattan Opera is all filled
Up with those glowing pretty faces I love

Perfume and cologne, fur coats and bow ties.
The cool night rain douses the red embers,
I look up from it before i miss them;
The apparitions could disappear soon.

Any second! At a moments notice!
I could lose every single one of them,
And their glory, and their beauty, all gone.
Oh, but I pray, what would it be to me?

In the blink of an eye they could be light
Years away, and what would that be to me?
Tyler Mar 19
A Tequila Sunrise
at the Roadhouse.
A warm cup of coffee
with cinnamon sprinkled in.

I begin my dissertation on Ted Berrigans Sonnet 2.
A piece of my soul.
Although I am not 18 and my hands hardly shake anymore,
And I absolutely do not in fact know better.

The wind is angry tonight.
Conquering the dark with its horrible howls.
But it will not prevail against these walls,
That stand around this little Eden.

A bed, a candle, some stillness and calm;
I need nothing more than these things.
This is love—to be plain.
This is all love has ever been—to be plain.

Graceful.
Is what I strive for.
Graceful.
Is the feeling of holding Venus in my arms.
Tyler Nov 2018
My heart stands still,
It makes not a noise,
My spine feels a chill,
But it stands straight with poise.

"With pride," my lips proclaim,
As my feet tentatively step off the balcony,
With eyes stet straight, and liver aflame,
My mind screams as it realizes reality.

I fall into the black night,
My lungs choke, overwhelmed by air,
My arms flail, trying to take flight,
Or searching to grab onto a ledge that isn't there.

I hit the ground; my soul still awake,
For a two story fall is not enough for a life to take.
Tyler Oct 2018
You might just be too much
Or maybe i’m just not enough
And that’s why I’m anxious from your touch
It’s just that it feels way too rough

You’ve got your intentions written out in red
From your hand pressed firmly above my knee
Crushing down against me like it’s made of led
It’s terrifying, but God your lips taste so heavenly

Sweeter than the shots of honey whiskey
That are keeping my mind from running away
And making my heart feel far too risky
Because if I wasn’t ****** up I wouldn’t convince myself to stay

But I’ll let you take me by the hand
And lead me down this long dizzying hall
Into your bedroom for this soon to be forgotten one night stand
And in the morning I’ll have to remind myself that it meant nothing at all

— The End —