and I dreamt of her even in my dimly lit room wrapped in the arms of my lover I dreamt of the way her lips fell apart and as i woke I reached out for her only to be met with the dull hum of my lamp and the idea of what could have been.
I know you think that in a room full of people i've ever loved, I wouldn't choose you. but you're the only one that has ever given me the love they claimed I deserved and made me feel whole. id choose you until my lung's collapsed and I cant do anything but mumble your name. id write your name over and over until my fingers became fused with the pencil. id climb any mountain to you until my hands and feet bled. id choose you. in every lifetime. in every moment.
i love you with all the air in my lungs with all the blood in my veins with all the bones in my body i hope you can find it within yourself to feel for me the way i feel for you
i hear a ghost, a whisper of your voice it drifts through the air and lands so gently in my ears
i feel the way your hands used to glide so gently into mine down my arms settling so calmly
i turn and i swear our eyes lock and you smile
boom.
a flash bang of memories assault my brain suddenly i remember all the things i fought so hard to forget everything comes back in a rush its disorienting and fills me with adrenaline
I never considered myself a monster and then I met you, some how I found out things about me deep secrets of mine I never knew all that you told me but since it was you I was convinced, all of it was true.
Im bending over backwards to make myself good for you the things I've given up to make you happy you dont notice the little things and if you do you dont care.
you dont touch me, you dont talk to me. im striving for the attention of someone who doesnt want to give it to me.
but you tell me youre trying, so why not believe it right
the love i have given was lost in translation the stars have unwritten my heart has stopped beating i have loved to no avail but yet i still try for you
wrap your arms around me one last time because our clock is running short forgive me my love but now you must let go for I will be the weight that drags you underwater but its up to you to decide if you drown or not.
he stopped looking at you the same way his hands often drifted to his side rather then your outstretched one his voice became rougher, the gentle tone slowly seeping away his arms became less safe, he didnt wrap them around you the same anymore
dont fret darling, he might not be falling out of love with you he might be falling out of love with life once again.
I am from cracked belts From cigarettes and empty alcohol bottles I am from the homophobic dad Disapprovingly watching over my shoulder Belt in hand I am from the weeds and oak trees Swaying in the autumn winds Im from baseball games on the weekends and insulting words thrown at me From the man im forced to call dad Im from those who demand respect and give you none in return From “why cant you just do what I say” and “your best is not good enough for me” Im from a farmer and a business womans son Im from the corn fields in Tennessee Raised on steak and ramen noodles From the father who never cared, the man I never want to be.
there’s song i avoid. songs i can’t play unless i’m alone songs that i only listen to on full volume with headphones songs that once were, songs that will never be.