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Renée Feb 19
Those thoughts in the light
Differ in the night
I think sometimes I might be right
The future starts looking bright
Until I indulge a little further
Fruitless I discover
Sensations are in constant change
Enduring I haven’t yet uncovered
Numbness fills my skull
Losing all control
God please save my soul
I need you to hold me close
Please make me whole
I don’t know where to go
All the roads seem to be closed
My eyes are open but I can’t see you
Immersed in black I’m screaming out to you
I need your love to take me over
I feel like I’ve never had any closure
Sadness a disease
The seed was planted in me
Growing so violently
Get this thing out of me
Before it engulfs me
I just want to be
Renée Nov 2018
A lone boat
In the middle of the sea
There’s nothing around to see
Only the crashing waves
That keep it afloat
But when the waves crash against the bow
It slowly breaks a little
And the water seeps in
Little by little
From the weight of the water it carries
It’s ready to sink
Into the vast sea
To no longer endure the harsh winds
But to be rested at the bottom
On the soft sand
Fully filled with water
And I am that boat
Being filled with your love
Wanting nothing more
Than to be forever engulfed by it
Renée Oct 2018
Happiness.
I’m basking in it.
I can’t help but laugh.
Happiness fills me to the brim and laughter spills out.
It surrounds me entirely.
I can’t frown around you.
It’s impossible.  
Your love has captured me.
And that’s all I wanted.
To be captured by you.
And never let go.
Captivated.
By your eyes.
Your smile.
Your touch.
Your kiss.
Your hugs.
Your everything.
.... You’re everything.
To me.
Renée Oct 2018
my once solemn heart fades away
into the glow of your rays
you shine on me everyday
even when your away
you remain
so close
life is no longer gray
instead it’s a reflection of warm bliss
emotions so foreign to me
this is happiness
my once silent heart
she’s been speaking to me
and my ears finally heeded
blindness to sight
my wants at last take flight
dreams to reality
life’s the way it’s meant to be
joy and laughter
you do this to me
Renée Sep 2018
My brain doesn’t do what I tell it to
It’s always making me doubt
It makes me anxious
It makes me scared
But it’s something I can’t live without

I know who I am
And what I want
But it always seems to remember
Exactly what I want to forget
Anything can be a trigger
Even something small
It’s like a flashback in my mind

I try so hard to close those doors
But sometimes those memories
They slip out in a conversation
Things I don’t even want to tell

My brain tricks my mouth
It tells it, it has to get out
Just to have more room in the storage
Of the things I wish to forget
So my brain has more space
To close the door
To the things I want to forget

Why do you do this brain
You play these evil tricks
I don’t like them at all

And after my mouth is tricked
It hates my brain
For the things I said

Brain, you really bother me
I wish I could control you better
You break my heart
All the time
And It doesn’t even phase you
There are a lot of things
About my brain
I’m very thankful for
But sometimes
I really wish
My brain would lock that door
Renée Sep 2018
I have felt love through a touch.
Through a moment with you.
Those moments we have together.
I never take for granted.
I replay them in my mind.
Over and over.
It is something I’ve never felt before.
Something true.
Something I’ve never known.
When your forehead kisses mine.
I feel your love radiate through my body.
And when our eyes meet.
Our souls are together.
At last.
You.
Oh baby, you.
My love.
My life.
My heart beats your name.
Our love is a story.
A story I’ve only dreamt of having come true.
And now that it’s my reality.
All I can do is smile.
And vask in every moment.
I love you Johnny
Renée Sep 2018
Today I saw myself
From other people’s eyes
I realized all of the lies
I tell myself everyday
That I must obey
And when I mess up
I must apologize
All the time
Over and over
Out of fear
You did that to me
Made me scared
To make a mistake
Even very small
To you it was all the same
A mistake
I couldn’t make those
I had to be perfect
It was never worth it
To live in fear
With someone who doesn’t care
About me or anything
Just themself
Why does this always happen
I go back to this daily
I’m afraid to be wrong
Because of the yelling
I’m so messed up
I’m so afraid
To make a mistake
I must admit
It makes me sick
To think of myself
And how I lived
I have to learn
How to really live again
And that’s embarrassing
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