Turn Off The Lights

Turn Off The Lights Jan 2015

Loving you is like falling in a dream
Closing my eyes and

F
A
L
L
I
N
G

S…l…o…w…l…y
and then
Allatonce
Opening my eyes to
Bright colours
Unexpected scenes
All around me nothing makes sense

You call me Alice.
Tell me I'm one of a kind, live in a fantasy world.
My reality is just different than yours
You make me drink the poison of my tears
And smile lopsidedly when I ask you why you never answer me.
Cryptic and vague, all smiles, you turn and fly around me.
You let me believe you are magic.

Which road do I take?
The roads is ending like the last chapter of a book I never got to finish
Where do you want to go?
I taste copper on my tongue
I don't know.
Your smile is too big and mine is too small
Then it doesn't matter.
I take a step forward and turn left.
I cannot see your head turning on itself
But I can feel your eyes of my back
Like little fingers pushing me forward
Into a new adventure

Loving you is like falling in a dream
Wondering if you will ever let me wake up
Snap out of your spell
Rub my eyes raw and realize
I am not Alice.

#love #tale #wonderland #falling #alice

Turn Off The Lights Jan 2015

Mamie

She wears red lipstick and a necklace of white pearls
Put on rollers in her hair and a smile on her face
When she laugh she is happy…
… was
I see the shadow of the grandmother I love in the grandmother I see…
…now
She does not wear red lipstick or white pearls around her neck
Tying a rope hanging from the folds of her skin instead she
Tightens it everyday a little more
Aveuglément
A ritual for depression
Cutting off her life she
Lets herself go
We watch
Help…less
We watch
She lost one sense and somehow
Gave them all up to the deadly monster
Drags us down with the rope she uses to strangle us
We watch
Help…less
We watch
I chip
My red polish
To keep my mouth shut when she says
I want to die
My eyes fill with rain from the cloud inside my heart
A storm of sadness wetting my cheeks and thundering down my face
Streaks of tears like flashes of thunder
I am mad
But I smile and say
It will pass
Even though I know
For sure
Every night she wakes up and digs up her grave
I hear her cry and mourn her sight
And my smile
Torn
Broken
Is still in place
Even in the dark, I clearly see her pain like a forest fire in the night.
I cannot quench it, no matter the amount of water in my eyes.

#love #helpless #depression #family #blind #grandmother

Turn Off The Lights Jan 2015

Moses

I am tired of moving mountains for people who only make them crash.

but this girl is hercules and doesn't give up. I'm gonna keep moving 'em.

#love #people #mountains

Turn Off The Lights Dec 2014

On the trigger you pulled on me

You only realize what you had until it's gone.
But I think... what is worse is the sound of their rejection like a knife in your jugular.
Remove the blade and watch yourself bleed out.
How are you supposed to remove a knife and feel nothing?
You ache and yet you let it happen because it is what they want.
I spent days denying the obvious.

I guess soft spots make for better bullet wounds.

It didn't take you long to pull the trigger.

#love #hurt #bullet

Turn Off The Lights Dec 2014

On the ghosts wandering around

All the memories are like ghosts hiding behind doors, threatening to leap out and destroy me once again.
They wander aimlessly along the corridors, wondering what was the point of creating such beautiful things if it wasn't to cherish them.
They wander and talk to me, tell me to look at the couch, the chair, the hall, the places you sat by me and told me things I cannot think about anymore.
I avoid your house at all cost, yet I spend so much time coming up with reasons to step in.
I keep my ghosts locked in a prison my heart designed especially for you.
Whenever I visit it, tears come out and say hello, hi, I'm sorry, those memories are beautiful, why are they caged in?
I have to swallow hard and explain I cannot let them roam freely in my twisted mind.
I have to hold my heart in because it threatens to jump from my chest and into a black hole.

Those nights are the hardest on me.

#love

Turn Off The Lights Dec 2014

On what I should have said to her

"There is something funny about recalling a warm memory", I say. She looks up and shrugs. She doesn't understand. Of course she doesn't understand. It is a foreign language to her, the language of defeat. The language of someone who has lost everything and who must share their despair with the winner of a fight they did not know they were losing. My eyes fall upon the middle pillow we had used to separate our bodies in the night.
There is something funny about recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.
I tighten my scarf around my neck.

Turn Off The Lights Dec 2014

On what I almost told you

"If you weren't in love with someone else I would be chasing you like the sun chases the moon, but there is no point in chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught. So for Christmas, I am letting you go."
I had held on to bonds that he had severed weeks ago.
Those bonds meant the world to me and nothing to him.
I needed to let things go, once and for all.
My nightmares were not worse than reality.
I wonder if death is like an eternal dream.

#love #go #letting