I tiptoed into the house
lived in silence
like oxygen
giving life.

You heard
the door
banging shut
and realized
I was gone.

If tears came in colors
tonight they are red
coming down my eyes
like rivers and streams
rushing to the sea
seeking solace.

Those ****** tears
coming in torrents
are emotional wounds
burst  unconstrained
and spitting pains
like a volcano
spraying ashes and fire
into the infinity.

But
unlike lava taking over lands
this sadness  
will take the blue of oceans
and make them bleed
till water droplets rise
and fall back to earth
yet again
and for once
you will see some red rain.

I am sad today
let me cry.

Midnight bells go
ears strain, eyes wide
Sleep, where are you?
Facebook, You Tube
insomniac's delight
take me in arms
cradle me but no use,
Sleep clicks heels with tango.

Passing breeze by the window
parts my curtains
outside, a silhouette stands,
a tree, a mystic form
against the night sky,
with rustling sounds
singing me lullabies.

I stare out
as eyelids heavy grow,
but the soul roams
with the moonlit night
till the body slows
and sleep comes.

Facebook, You Tube
faithfully play on
and dreams hang
on a  buffer zone.

I don't know anyone else, but you
to tell that
when night deepens, I cry
tears come for no reason.
Perhaps I am in denial
of pains that I feel
or else, why does
my chest feel so heavy
even when I'm in my nylons?

On new moon nights
when pitch darkness descends
the tears come in torrents,
I can't hold them back
nor the nights,
so dear Poetry
hold me, just hold me
but don't ask me
why I cry.

Too many questions riddle the mind,
why a St Patrick's Day to define my wine
when I drink like a fish every day?

A marked day for mothers and women
when I give blood and flesh,
everything I own
as a homemaker or mother
every passing moment?

I feel like giving a birthday gift
to my beloved every day
but can't
people would think I am insane
and so would my man.

Because I don't want a house,
a car, diamond or gold,
people call me a fool
but I'm richer than billionaires
with peace in my humble being.

I craved only love from you
no worldly things
yet you gave me a gold castle
while oblivious to my joy or pain.

Life is confusing I know
as proven again and again,
yet
why is there a question mark
waiting to be inserted
when life stares in vain?

Wish
so badly at times
that bad memories
haunting ones
that keep replaying
after long nights of wine
and antidepressants.
would leave me alone
and go away.

Wish
I could  click them to 'Trash'
like spam mails, or
click the 'Delete' button
on my laptop
as I do with  unwanted journals,
sure that the mother board
would do its work
while I start fresh, every day.

Shuttling between foster homes
life shaped me
to who I am,
while love and hypocrisy
played hide and seek
I drowned my real self.

Now I stand
on the road's end
looking for directions,
while passers by
stare at me
asking each other,
'Lost sanity, isn't she?'

I look on
baleful eyes
silent and wondering:
if life gave me choices,
where would I stand?


'