we were never the kind of people to hide. i never covered my smile. there was no need to, when you were just as happy as i was. we were never the kind of people to let go. i held your hand as long as i could when we tried to say goodbye, and you kept touching my cheek, kissing my neck because that’s as far as you could reach, touching my lips like you wanted them. and we’re still holding on but i’m so scared of losing you.
touching you felt like almost tripping down a flight of stairs in a nice dress, but catching myself just in time. it’s that rush and drop of my stomach. electricity through my veins. i’ve never felt like that before.
and that can’t last, right? i always tell myself that, but i’ve been loving you for six years now and i can’t see that changing. i’m still in love with your wrists and your fingertips. i’m still looking for ways to get close enough to you. the **** butterflies are still there.
i keep choosing you. every day i wake up and i choose you. i never thought i’d be able to love someone that much. i choose you every time you roll your eyes at me and every time i say i hate you with a smile in my eyes. i choose you every time you say i know.
i want to keep you warm. i want to hold your hand until you feel safe, and maybe i won’t let go even when you do. yours are the only eyes i’ve ever been able to focus on while i speak. maybe that’s why i love you. maybe i love you because you choose me too. because i’m difficult and the baggage i carry is too heavy but you still wrinkle your nose when you laugh and look at me like i belong with you.
this isn’t the end. our happily ever after still holds anger and pain and frustration but i’m so ready for it. we can build a thousand nows that will add up to a forever.