when my palms still faced
the sky we were songbirds, gold
dusted crescents, diamonds splitting
against marble floor

laughter dances with her lover
liar - they ricochet off the walls;
time has blurred them both into one
and the same

(A.H.Z)

we are constantly at war with one another like this: a needle against my heart, a knife against her neck. she smiles something dark – almost deranged, even – and still my hand holds steady against her pulse. I do not know how I manage it when the needle in hers pierces ever so slightly as a warning, the weight of it against me sharp and static.

“further,” she laughs, shrill screeches echoing into my ear. a flash barely registers in my sight, and the movement of silver is too fast for me to stop – something within me begins to bleed. first dripping, and then gushing; but even an explosion would make no difference at this point.

we both know blind instinct moves my hand in response, splitting skin from her in retaliation. it is not red but black that pours, her manic expression growing as the liquids pool around us; murky and desolate.

I cannot tell who screams louder after that – but it is with a desperation that mirrors mine. to live? to die? the pitch shatters glass around us and shards force their way into our skins, yet it does not hurt; it has not for a very long time.

a pause, and then the words slip out of our mouths at the same time before I even register it:

“no, I am okay. I am still me.”

-

“I think it’s funny how they say the scariest monsters are the ones under your bed, when clearly the true monsters are the ones that live in your head.”

(A.H.Z)

these scars
of when you
consumed me
inward, outward
and I could only

watch as the skin hollowed,
sinking to pull fingers apart
tendon from bone, ashes;
flesh dripping through the
cavity where a heart once
grew

yet we know; I know
when the ground shakes
and my vision fades it will
still be you who brings me
back to
life

(A.H.Z)

we will burst forth from the veins
pouring red over gold and I will
whisper the secrets of this life into
the cracks where our broken bones lie

the sun vanishes into your eyes
and warmth pours from every pore
sparks ignite, shining; shatters -
I am only as real as this world
will let me be

it is here in our hearts
echoing off the walls
once apart, twice entwined
charmed, charmed, charmed.

(A.H,Z)

be soft, be mellow, be gentle. let the waves wash over you, let the sea foam dissolve your bones. your voice must be a constant whisper, your eyes open and glitter bright. the world will bend you, break you, destroy you; be cautious but never guarded. build walls that are easily penetrable, let your thoughts never pierce, only persuade. the touch you leave behind must be prints and not scars, the smile you radiate must be all sun and never the moon. hear with the intent of hearing, hear but never be heard. move with grace, let your presence be fleeting and enshrouded in shadows.

-

i am the tempest roaring, the quiet after the storm. i house a galaxy between my lungs, constellations dotting the insides of my mind. my thoughts are a labyrinth you cannot even begin to fathom; when i speak thunder rolls, lightning strikes. i will go where the wind calls me, i will illuminate the darkness. my voice is the chimes of bells. be strong, be firm, be swift. the world has tried to break me, but i have never been destroyed. the touch i leave behind burns like fire and soothes like silk, the smile i hold curves like the crescent moon. i hear with the intent of understanding, i speak to be heard. the waves crash beneath my feet and -

i will not apologise for being me.

(A.H.Z)

I was a shot in the dark and you were a candle burning bright. We were the moon and the sun, water and fire; mirroring parallels that would never get a happily ever after. For years I hoped that perhaps we would be the exception, and in the times I held your warmth and heard your laughter, I truly believed that we were.

But I have come to learn that we are not.

They say that twenty and two represent disorder, light, and here you are with a smile on your lips and the ashes of what could have been collapsing through your fingertips. Sometimes people fall in love only to have it fall apart.

What I’m trying to say is that even though there may be endless ways of celebrating years past and gone, this is something that stands apart from the rest. Once you would sing to me, but that is merely memory now.

In place of the silence, please take this as my song to you.

(A.H.Z)

I shake this glass as if the motions will bring you back one day. Liqueur slips through my grasp and tequila tumbles down my throat; I can tell you absinthe tastes like liquorice but it is ***** that shoots my highs to heaven. We chase liquids in place of light, but I wonder if it is these trembling hands and the fever bright fog that consumes my mind that makes it all the more harder to let go.

(A.H.Z)