it is november
and i have just given up on hope
when all of a sudden your feet are on my doorstep
(your head still someplace else. what a pity).
you don't know it yet,
but you have already taken two steps back.
the more i tell myself i am not putting my heart in this, the more i realize it is craving new beginnings
(when this is nothing more than history repeating itself. what a pity.)
you say you never want to let go of my hand
then two seconds later you drop it.
you change more than the seasons.
still, your smell lingers in my sheets
like a cursed souvenir
for the times you won't return
what a pity.

never in my life,
not once,
have i ever truly felt a sense of belonging.
that was until i met you.
i met you and i had the strongest urge
to make a home out of your heart.
how sad
that you didn't want to live in it with me.

if there is such a thing as a parallel universe,
last-year-me and last-year-you
have found their way to each other by now.

at this moment, they are falling in love.

or at least one of us was.

i have been debating the question whether or not i would spoil the way the story ends. i wish someone would have told me that the person who made me the happiest, also had the power to make me the saddest i've ever been.

"the highs are high... and the lows are low."

but i love you so much,
i would still give anything to feel that happiness again
even if it meant it would be taken from me.

you were the bad dream
I never wanted to wake up from.

it always ends like this, doesn't it?

with my heart scattered all over the floor
in pieces
even
smaller
than
before.