before you hurt her
please remember the moment
that you knew you were in love.
you couldn't even breathe because the feeling overwhelmed your lungs.
the first kiss, the first touch, you couldn't get enough
even the fighting was alright because at least you were in love.

before you touch that other girl,
remember the one you have
the way she sleeps so peacefully
and the way that she makes you feel less sad.
remember her smile when you make her laugh, and the way her eyes look when she cries. the way she talks about the things she likes, the way that she kisses you goodbye.

before you get in bed with that stranger, remember the way she writes. the way she blows out cigarette smoke. the way she always tried to be nice.
remember the way she looks at you, and even the way she complains. remember the way the seasons changed but the feeling seemed to never fade.

and when you hurt her anyways, say she's not to blame. remember that when you break something it doesn't work the same. remember that loud silence, the way that she couldn't look at you. the way you couldn't breathe, the things you wish you could undo. hold her one last time, say goodbye with a hug. It's when you hurt her that you'll finally remember that you are still in love.

You took a trip with Lucy,
to leave a world of pain.
She showed you a kaleidoscope of colors, but just left you feeling insane.

And then you danced with Molly, under the flashing lights, but all that did was make you sleep with a different girl that night.

This girl was named Addy, you thought you'd finally found the one. She made you feel so motivated, like you could get anything done. Then she left your heart racing, and made sure you couldn't eat. After 3 days you finally left her, because she'd never let you sleep.

You met a girl so opposite, she went by Mary Jane, with her you felt so at ease, she took away the pain. But your mother didn't like her, and neither did your dad. After awhile you realized that she didn't make you feel any less sad.

So you run back to the other girls,
although they never left.
They aren't too hard to find
when they're always sleeping with your friends.
Just one call and the girls will be back into your bed.
They're hard to get rid of once you let them in your head.

I blame it on the easy things,
my parents,
past relationships,
black holes.
But it's always been me
that's been in
control.
Deciding to stop
when they told me to go.
Screaming out "yes"
as I was choking down "no."
Pressing the pedal
when I should've gone slow.
My actions and my words
never quite match up.
Saying I'm healthy
as smoke fills my lungs.
Calling myself an atheist
but telling it to God.
Sitting here wondering,
When will I stop?
I can blame it on the easy things,
stimulants,
a chemical imbalance,
the doctors white coat.
But it's always been me
that's been in
control.

I remember your eyes, but I don’t remember the color.
The snow on the ground makes me forget about summer.
I remember the sinking feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach.
I remember the sound of glass breaking, I don’t remember what caused it.
When I was a little girl I colored so many pictures,
I can’t remember what of, I probably should’ve kept them.
But the things that you keep don’t matter as much,
we forget what’s in front of us trying to remember what we lost.