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My hands are numb, my body rigid, my breath as cold as ice
Your glance burns through me like heat vision, oh God! It feels so nice
Your touch can bring me to the ground, puts the high flying to a stop
I'm sweating all over, my stomach disagreeing, I'm jittery like a prop
You smile, with a slight tilt of the head, a punch to my flailing might
I'm Superman, the Kryptonian and you are my Kryptonite.
Love gives immense strength, heartbreak takes it away.
Maybe' is a word for the hopeful, 'But', is the hesitation of the thoughtful and 'Regret' is for the one who didn't listen to the heart
Isn't it a wonder? the biggest of them all, this ache,
how the stupid heart blunders, makes a mistake;
like pristine glassware condemned to break,
Is love worth the risk we are always ready to take?
I could hear this noise, very close to me, it must be 'LOVE'. Searching for me, in these heaps of broken 'Dreams'. My 'World', shattered, in ruins, 'Buildings' damaged and abandoned, 'Roads' bereft of people, with rows of broken-down vehicles. Wild nature, thriving on everything, immovable. And there it was, 'LOVE', picking things up and throwing them aside, looking underneath. I scampered for a new cover, farther away from the area under search. I managed a peek and had a quick look at my hunter. Beautiful! That's what they told me. Don't fall for the looks! It only looks beautiful from the outside. Once you are caught up, you'll be hurled up in the sky, pulled down, beaten, broken, mauled and eventually left half dead. It's not supposed to hunt ugly people. Can't it see? Is it blind? Oh! Now it was wandering too close for comfort. Could it hear my heartbeats? I had no control over them, my racing heart, making me invulnerable and susceptible at the same time. In the very next moment, even before I could move away to another cover, with a swift, almost invisible move, it appeared directly over me and removed the tainted window glass I was hiding under. I had to make a choice, I didn't have time to deal with 'LOVE'. In a desperate move, I threw a 'cold heart' at it and made a dash across the street screaming, "Go away! Just leave me alone you stupid thing." As I gained some distance, I paused for a bit and looked back at it struggling to mend that cold heart. And for a moment it looked up at me, dejected and hopeless. I took a quick left and then a right and hurried on to this long and winding road, pointed blades of grass on the two sides, smoke bellowing at a distance and the mile marker reading :
                        'Hell
                        50 KMS'.
Hope is the easiest sucker punch life can deliver,
As I lay here, knocked down, my back on the ground and shiver;
I think it broke my tooth, or is there a cut on my lip?
Oh, what is this? This sticky thing, I feel it on my fingertip;
I think I lost some blood, and now, it's on my shirt,
How will I go home now? My mom will know her son is hurt.
Love, my miracle, she, my holy shrine
Hurt, so inevitable, my heart, it lets out a whine
My life, so useless without her, insignificant, inconsequential
Her presence, I need it, it's my fuel, my drug, divine, unreal.
Her attention on me, so priceless, she spends it like a miser
My dreams of her, her frame in my embrace, nothing is nicer.
It's a feeling unparalleled.
Waves ruthlessly wash the shore, when storm hits and all affection departs,
emotions overflow, the sky screams and rains angry lightning blasts;
Even if it takes years, tonnes of patience, a million efforts and two hearts,
the truth my darling, never to be told, is that love never lasts.
There are two voices in my head,
clear and distinct, neither of them is mine.
The coarse one, is the devil, I know
Other is feminine, smooth as wine.
It sounds familiar, the feminine one, it has to be you,
I hear it, every now and then, you guide me in dreams too
The devil sounds so confident, he knows his ways, he sings
You speak like them, the God-sent, yeah, the ones with the wings
The wicked nudges me, pushes me to the cliff, with no mercy at all.
I pray to God, hope you'll help my soul, catch me, break my fall.
Girl, you're my angel
Love that I gave away, brought about my fallen grace
I wish my heart was at least as bad as my ugly face.
I don't blame you. No one could love me.
I'm looking at you, thinking and in desperate need of a pen and paper
Our fates, Such intricately interwoven collection of moments,
Like the twists and twirls of your hair, high on the strong winds
It's windy, your hair dance around, each strand fluttering like acrobats
Then with a huge gush, they are all set free, chaos ensues
Your fingers come to the rescue, gently pulling them back to safety
You turn around to look at me, puzzled, through all this mayhem
Me, I'm just stupefied, frozen and spellbound at this spectacle
I manage to look away, pretending but failing hard at it as always
One of those days, when you catch me stealing a look at you
My crime, punishable, the jury with intentions unknown, keeps me waiting.
Sweet like caramel vanilla, the innocence in those hypnotic eyes
Overwhelmed, smitten, I can't look away, even after a thousand tries
Blushing like red roses, that color of those cheeks so lovely
Like a dry leaf, I'll go wherever the wind of love takes me.
Love gives and love takes away
The heart is flying again, bound to crash and break,
"I'm here" she sent me a message, I've lost control of the breaths I take,
A gentle breeze rubbed the crimson cheeks of the evening sky ending the warm day,
The weather, harbinger of her arrival, tells me she's in my city, to stay.
I love her, always have, always will. I wish she sees through my ugly shell and claims all my warmth for her.
These walls collapsing around me, pushing me down the hell hole
Will Hades give me shelter? I'm losing my mind, losing all control
Was I already in pieces? Or crushed in transit? Does anyone really care?
I'm broken goods, no, return not possible,  I'm broken beyond repair
My reflection, I hate myself, it's so ugly, it's revolting, it's me, go figure
The question lingers, who will fall in love, with this horrible man in my mirror?
It has begun. The downward spiral.
My heart beats like a drum, gestures impending war,
My fingers tremble as I turn to you, playing the invisible guitar,
My eyes won't let me settle gaze on you, they just jump and dance around,
I speak to you, my chords crackle, but there is no audible sound.
My world comes to a grinding halt, the roaring seas go mute
You say something, seems like a song, are angels playing the flute?
I'm in love and always will be.
This is the abyss. This pain, heartburn and this agony. Every day, I see my will to live getting chipped at the foundation, corroded by years of depression. Each day the desire to **** myself lunges at me and tries to pull me in. The bruised and battered kid in me screams "I don't want to die! " but only the lips move and no sound comes out of my mouth. I burst out crying. It temporarily numbs the pain but the feeling lingers. Death deferred to another day. I thought of another way of killing myself today. I quickly took note as I'm forgetting things easily these days. What will be left of me when the devil takes my soul away? My physical body, my sad life, a few stories, and some poems. Poems, most of them written for someone who doesn't even know me. I'm not dying for her, definitely not her. No, not for a person. I'm dying for love, more so for its absence. I craved for love, I searched for it, I thought I found it, I begged for it and I'm going to die for it. My action is going to ease the pains of the people around me. The ones who suffered because of me. The ones that heard me but got tired. My life is a mess, it always has been. They have people that love them, promises that need to be fulfilled, love to be found. And you, reading this. I have no malice towards you. There's nothing you can do. But read this and forget, because life isn't as rosy as we thought it to be and this isn't the experience I am speaking from. This is me, losing the battle, on my knees, waiting for that final blow of a sword. One that puts me back in the same elements I emerged from, ridding the society of my burden.
Your smile nukes me, obliterates logic, burns my bridges to sanity,
Your eyes, deep depths of the ocean, my covert escape from reality
This feeling it seems so wrong, but feels just about right
Some moments of ecstasy, some days spent feeling contrite
The heart so very forgetful of the past, the pains and the ache
These dreams made of brittlest of glass, bound to crash and break
It takes me further away from the truth, my wild running imagination
Dropping these anchors, my words may need to weather, storms of tribulation.
After a few days of high flying, I'm back to where I was, Ground Zero. Course correction to hell. Normal service resumed.
****** hue imploding skies
That reticent look in your eyes
Stupid gains and holy lies
A nervous pull and severed ties
Or was it just too late to realize?
That there was trouble in paradise
love and its side effects
I'm nervous and scared, oblivious to what's next, thinking, what to do?
Cause everything I do, ends up as something I may be doing for you
What kills me, I'm afraid, is nothing of my own device
It's what you'll think of my actions, of my virtues, my vice
No vows to exchange, just yet, an honest promise it may be
Let's keep it simple, to begin with, I trust you and you trust me.
Love is harder than it used to be...
Like the new day wipes out yesterday's fears and pain,
Unperturbed as the river swallows drops of rain,
For once, just forget everything that went in vain,
This is no game, seriously, let's be strangers again.
I'm the harsh reality, contorted, you are a beautiful dream,
I'm a lost thirsty traveler, you are a joyous river stream,
I'm the random wasted thought, you are an ingenious idea,
I'm a cactus, only capable of hurt, you are the blooming white magnolia.
I miss you. I'm sorry.

— The End —