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 Nov 2014 Hailey
Ashley Nicole
It's hard to say
When the first onset
Of insecurities
Had taken place

Was it at 17?
When I stared deep
Into the mirror
Despising the reflection?

Was it at 15?
When I dug my fingernails
Into the side of my thigh
When he made me feel like used garbage?

Was it at 13?
When I showed
My mom that award
And it was carelessly tossed on the table?

Was it at 11?
When the snickers
Of my classmates
Reached my heart?

Was it at 9?
When I watched
Mother try to desperately
Cover her imperfections with powder?

Self love?
Self love?
Self love can't dwindle away
When it never existed.

And now at the age
Of barely 20,
I've been searching
The ground
For a speck
Of confidence
And trying my best
To piece together
A backbone
That I never had.
 Nov 2014 Hailey
unwritten
she was a poet,
and he was her pen.
in him,
she always found words to write,
songs to sing,
thoughts to think.

he'd smile,
and kiss her softly,
and say,
"write me a poem."

and she would.
she'd put poe,
and whitman,
and shakespeare to shame,
and she'd write a poem that made his eyes water.

she'd compare him
to a rose with no thorns,
a book with no end,
a world with no poverty --
the things we all wish for,
but can never attain.

//

he asked her one day,
"what am i?"
and so she picked up her pen,
and began the usual:
you are the shining sun after a hurricane,
with rays that open the eyes of the blind.

but he stopped her after those two lines,
and said that this time,
he didn't want any metaphors,
or similes,
or analogies.
he wanted the truth.

and so on that night,
as he slept,
the poet picked up her pen,
and she wrote.

she wrote,
then thought better of it,
then started over again,
and this cycle continued well into the early hours of the morning,
until suddenly,
she wrote, frantic,
if i can't love you for what you really are,
have i ever really loved you at all?


this, too,
she thought better of,
condemning it to the trash.

the next morning the poet was gone,
her final work a mere two words:

i'm sorry.

(a.m.)
this is more of a story than a poem but i like how it came out so leave thoughts & comments please
Are you proud of who I am now ma?
I think I've cut deep enough...
Into the flesh of our relationship, I think I've given up.
I'm tired of trying so hard to be crushed beneath the weight.
Everything I try and do, you seem to ******* hate.
Are you proud of me now ma?
I seem to be down low.
Lower than six feet underground, lower than you'd care to go.
All to make you happy, all to see you smile.
Just to be ditched on the street, to learn you had left for quite awhile.
I sat there wishing I had done just what could have made you stay.
But then I got to thinking, **** wasting my life away.
Then you decided to come back, messing up my day.
Why the hell are you back?! No one needs you or your ****
After all, you left me and I was the one who took your hit.
For many years of my life I tried to make you proud.
But here I am now, not worried what you think of me.
Because after years of suffering for you, I have been set free.
Don't you know it is wrong to put a little kid through that life?
Don't you know you should have stopped your child from picking up that knife?
How proud are you to know, your baby girl got locked away in a ****** unit?
I used to see you as perfect, but the last time you left me ruined it.
So now, just stay away from me, it's the least that you can do.
And see that I hate you, and you should hate yourself too!!!
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