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Jan 2019 · 221
I wrote you this poem
wrote this poem to tell you all the things I fail to say.
I wrote you this poem to tell you I love you and for you to read everyday.
I wrote you this poem to tell you I want you in the dark and I want you in the light.
I wrote you this poem to tell you I want you when we laugh and I want you when we fight.
I wrote you this poem to say thank you for all that you've done.
I wrote you this poem to tell you that my world revolves around you like the Earth does the sun.
I wrote you this poem to let you know that there is none like you.
I wrote you this poem to say I need you to stand by me through all that I do.
I wrote you this poem to say I need you in my life.
I wrote you this poem to ask you to be my wife.

In sickness and in health, until death do us part.
I want you to know I will love you with every beat of my heart.
This is for my beautiful girlfriend
Sep 2017 · 146
Every cut tells a story.... Those turn into scars... Which will eventually become our legends....
May 2017 · 268
Breaking Free
I said i'd never let someone take control over me the way you did. Your words wrapped around my throat the way a snake wraps around its prey; Im your prey. Im nothing more than a mouse in a field.
Your flames licked at the paper, the contract of our love, burning what we used to have. Burning my love for you, brighter at first, but then fading into a deep glowing pile of ash.
I didn't know i didn't love you until we ended, until that pile of ash blew away, taking our memories with it. I didn't know i didn't love you until you became the pesticide to the flowers you planted and let grow, weaving in my rib cage and growing around my heart. I didn't know i didn't love you until i stopped feeling like prey being attacked, being at risk just by sharing the same space as you. When i tired to leave for me you yelled at me, but i didn't hear anything over the sound of my self made independence.
We didn't love each other. We were just kids who thought they understood the cruel world of love. I hate to say it but you weren't my happy ending, and you weren't my princess charming. But there was something about the way i felt less trapped, not stuck in your coils; something about the way i felt less choked up when i tried to speak made up for the heartbreak i felt.
I loved you, but then again I didn't all at once. I was in love with the idea of being in love and if i missed you it was only because i missed the idea of someone loving me. But i know now that i am loved. I love myself and i don't need you to help me see that. I love my flaws the way you said you did. I am capable of loving myself and being independent without you and your problems weighing me down.
I don't miss your manipulative tongue that i shared many kisses with. I don't miss your soft hands that wrapped around my wrist and kept me caged. I don't miss you. Not at all.
I missed my independence. I missed my freedom. I missed laughing with my friends without worrying who you were with or what you were drinking and what you were doing. I missed listening to music without the songs reminding me of what you've done to me. I missed enjoying my precious life for what it is; precious, calm, and beautiful.
I didn't have to be in love to love my life, and i recall a time you once told me in order to love someone else i had to first love myself. And now I have more love to give. But not to you because you brought me more hurt than happy. But to my friends, family and to the next girl who plants flowers in my stomach to help me bloom. To the next girl who not only provides sunshine but teaches me how to make it for myself. To the next girl who lets me make mistakes without punishing me for them.
Apr 2017 · 225
Those are ugly they all say.
But they dont know what she goes through everyday.
She uses a razor to make her art.
If only they knew that this beauty comes from the heart.
At home she was abused , at school made fun of.
She always believed she was never loved.
Physical, ******, and everything you could name.
At home its a constant war, it's all just a shame.
Neglect and abandonment you could name it all.
"Fake it till you make it", but then she'd just fall.
She cuts and she cuts until one day too deep.
The blood rushes out and she falls fast asleep.
Her mother walks in and calls 911.
It's only then that she realizes what she's doing isn't fun.
They go to the hospital and the doctors check her out.
What happens then? He calls for help in a shout.
Visitors come and visitors go.
So many of them just call it a show.
Its too late now she's fighting for her life.
Everyone wishes she hadn't used that knife.
But do they not know they caused all of this?
Do they realize now that bullying isn't such a bliss?
Her parents should know abuse isn't cool.
They should have treated their little girl like a shiny jewel.
It's too late now their little girl is dead.
Everyone that did this, it'll go through their head.
They'll think about this everyday and every night.
I hope they know now what they did wasn't right.
I guess you could say watch what you do.
Be kind to others and not just to you.
Beauty doesn't come from the outside, instead from within.
Be careful what you do sometimes people it's still a sin.
Be yourself and be who you are.
It'll get better one day and you'll go far.
Jan 2017 · 212
Sometimes I ask myself why? Why do I love you?
And then I think to myself and smile because i Know the list would run on for miles.
Jan 2017 · 431
I miss you
My heart aches for you

My eyes cry for you

My senses long for you

I, feel numb without you

My smiles wither without you

My soul thirsts for you

My body shivers without you

Please, tell me what to do

I miss you

Your void in my life, ever since you left

Has caused an unstoppable emotional leakage

My heart and mind are never in-sync

And I am shivering as I write this message

My heart is crying because it is alone

It is weeping, without making a sound

My soul if burdened with sad emotions

Which feel heavier, than a thousand pounds

I miss you

All the pictures of you and me

Are a sweet reminder of the good times

It was when we could be together

Life, was like a sweet poetry in perfect rhyme

But now that you’ve gone away

Everything has been thrown askew

Plunged, in a painful sense of chaos

My life, can only be set straight by you

I miss you

Without you

Sweet tastes sour

And nothing in this world

Seems worthy enough to devour

Coffee and hot chocolate

Just doesn’t taste the same

Going out to have ice cream

Feels boring and pretty lame

Without your awesome hugs

Life has turned monochrome

I’m like a lost puppy

Desperately searching for a home

I miss you
Jan 2017 · 252
Home Remains Unknown
Every time i hear your voice my heart feels at home like its found its place in a world where home is not known, but its the slight brushes of your finger that lets me know someone out there cares- cares for what i have to say and what i have to feel. I thought I was alone fighting my inner demons on my own but one look into your soul and i found a person who's able to calm my constant fears while simultaneously making me excited for whats to come. You engulf my senses swallowing me whole. I can't even breath without wishing you were mine and mine to hold. In between the glances from opposite sides of the room I've slowly realized that I love you and I'm scared to tell you  out of fear that you wont and I'll end up without a home in a place where home is not known.
Jan 2017 · 265
The one I pushed away
My heart literally hurts
My chest is in pain
Life without you
Will never be the same

I can't blame you
Because I did you wrong too
But now that it's officially over
I don't know what to do

We started out as friends
As I denied my feelings
You came to me
You wanted more, with more meaning

I did but I was scared
When you tried to be there, I left
I thought you were better than me
The best man I ever met

As time went on
I regretted my actions
Got caught up in my insecurities
They stopped me from acting

I couldn't believe you chose me
When I knew you deserve better
So I carried on,
As if I never met you

I finally got the nerve
To look you in the eye
Such a beautiful man you are
It shook me inside

I tried to mend what I tore
But the damage was done
I came back too late
You found someone

I'll never forget your smile
I'll never forget your kiss
But your presence in my life
Will forever be missed
Here's to our lost happily ever after.....
Jan 2017 · 235
Depression is running through my head.
These thoughts make me think of death,
A darkness which blanks my mind.
A walk through the graveyard, what can I find?
Black shadows walk in between the graves,
How many lives have not been saved?
Six feet under, if not more,
How I'd like to go down and explore
The feeling of lying in a box.
I can't get out, is it locked?
Is it day or is it night?
Are birds singing or have bats taken to flight?
I know one day this is where I'll go,
Am I afraid? I don't think so!
Will I be able to explore the feeling of death?
After I've taken my last breath?
Or will I be a shadow in between the graves?
Will I know how many lives have not been saved?
After this life is there another one?
With a different moon and a different sun.
I won't go to hell as I'm already there,
A place full of sadness, a place full of despair.
So there's nothing to live for, no future, no past,
So I might as well end it, end this life at last.
Nov 2015 · 338
My Wall
I have built my wall

I have built it high.
I have built it to shield me when I cry.
I have built it to stand through every storm.
I have built to keep me warm.
I have built it to stand tall.
I have built it to never fall.
I have built it to hide me.
I have built it for only me to see.

I have built my wall.
Nov 2015 · 359
I know I'm not worth it.
I know I will never be good enough.
I know I'm alone.

You don't need to tell me I can't do it.
You don't need to tell me you don't love me.
You don't need to tell me to cut myself.

I'm a cutter.
I'm a waste of space.
I'm a mistake.

But I know this and it will never change....

No matter what I do. No matter where I go. And no matter how forgotten I may become...
No one will ever love you more than me.  I am forever in love with you. I am yours. Every part of me is yours.
How you use it, well thats up to you. Just know, it was left in your hands.
Oct 2015 · 566
I cut because I can see my pain slowly fade away.
I cut because I know things will never be okay.
I cut because my heart will forever be broken.
I cut trying to hide all the feelings that remain unspoken.
I cut because my life is killing me inside.
I cut because it’s something long sleeves and fake smiles can hide.
I cut because I feel alone.
I cut because no other path has been shown.
I cut because it just feels so right.
I cut because the scarlet blood shines so bright.
I cut to feel in control of the pain deep inside,
I cut because it is the only thing in which I can truly confide.
I cut because I feel like there is nothing left to do.
I cut because my heart is slowly breaking in two.
I cut because I know I’m not worth it.
I cut because I’m sick of peoples ****.
I cut because life *****.
I cut because I no longer give a ****.
I cut because I am dying,
I cut because I’m done with the lying.
I cut because it helps me know the bad guy,
I cut because I hope to eventually die.
I cut because people hurt me,
I cut because it’s easy not to let them see.
I cut because no one cares,
I cut because I am afraid of all my tears.
I cut because I hate life,
I cut because I am addicted to the pain of the knife.
Maybe you will finally understand.
Oct 2015 · 1.2k
My Baby Girl
I found my happiness in her smile,
I haven’t felt this way in a while.
She is my world and my one and only.
I know I would never leave her lonely.
She is filled with beauty and perfection,
She has an angel’s reflection.
When I look at her I instantly feel secure,
I know I love her more than anything for sure.
I love her more and more everyday,
She never seizes to take my breath away.
She’s mine, and I am hers,
Our love will forever endure.
I believe that together we belong,
I just can’t stand to be away from her for too long.
I know I’d take a bullet through the brain for her,
Because this is the girl I love for sure.
Oct 2015 · 297
I thought love was a marriage of the mind,
It's fake, impossible to find.
But the day I met you, I began to see,
That love is real and exists in me!!
Oct 2015 · 713
I am
I am broken and falling apart.
I wonder when my time will come.
I hear the demons in my head telling me to end my life.
I see the blood stained scars on my body.
I want my pain to end.

I am broken and falling apart.
I pretend to be happy, even though I know I am dying inside.
I feel my blood spilling out onto the floor.
I touch the blade as it glides across my skin, splitting it in two.
I worry about people seeing my pain.
I cry because I know I have lost the love of my life.

I am broken and falling apart.
I understand that I will never be worth it.
I say I don’t care even though it is killing me on the inside.
I dream about the most painful way to end my life.
I try to end my life when I am alone.
I hope I will not be remembered.
I am broken and falling apart.
Oct 2015 · 292
It was dark and she was alone,
She was scared of what was about to come out of the unknown.
The screams only got louder in her head,
As she lay face down in her bed.
She heard a voice telling her to cut,
She listened as she held her eyes shut.
It was the love she felt for her that kept her alive,
Even though she was dying inside.
Her life was nothing but a sick twisted game,
For she was lost with no place to aim.
Her was heart breaking, splitting in two,
For she had no idea what she could do.
She knew the love of her life would never move on,
Knowing her other half would forever be gone.
She thought of her love and thought of her name,
She thought of her mistakes and only had herself to blame.
She was crying as she grabbed her blade,
With every cut her pain began to fade.
She cut deeper and the blood began to gush,
She saw her lover across the room her eyes were shut as she whispered hush.
Her death was no accident she knew she wouldn’t return,
So in hell is where she will burn.
Oct 2015 · 307
Her Last words
She’s the girl, who never wanted a friend,
The girl who wished for her life to come to an end.
She’s the girl who slept with a razor in her bed,
Hoping that one-day it’ll cut to deep and she’d finally be dead.
She hated life and she hated herself,
She was determined to be just another faded memory on the shelf.
She loved pain and loved the color red,
But she loved it even more every time she bled.
She would laugh and pretend to be fine,
But deep down inside she hoped that someone would hear her whine.
She was breaking and slowly dying inside,
She was amazed at how much long sleeves and fake smiles could hide.
She felt like she was lost and was never going to be found,
But no body even chose to look around.
She was alone and she was ready to be done,
she was standing in that special spot holding a gun.
She read that tombstone and tried to be brave,
Her mothers name carved deep inside that grave.
She began cry and the last thing she managed to say,
‘’Don’t worry momma, I’m on my way!’’
The sound of the gun was the last thing she heard,
But every body else heard her last word.
Oct 2015 · 289
She’s broken, hurt, and dead inside,
Nobody knows what she’s tried to hide.
She hurts, she aches she cries real tears,
She hasn’t learned to overcome her fears.
She feels like no one loves her and no one cares,
Her heart is nothing but cuts and tears.
Her arms are cut and stained blood red,
She hopes if she went deeper she would finally end up dead.
She looks for a sign, a simple glimpse of hope,
She hasn’t found one so she grabbed a rope.
She’s on the edge she’s ready to die,
She looks to the ground and tightly closes her eyes.
She started to cry as she thought of all her friends,
She wiped her eyes as it all came to an end.
She stepped down at life’s last call,
Now there is no turning back, she just lost it all.

— The End —