When I got to my first English class in college
the professor asked us
how would you describe yourself?
there were some pretty responses
I'm a leaf floating down stream
I'm a tree slowly growing
I'm a bird leaving the nest
It was my turn
A boulder,
huh?
please elaborate,
Well teach, it's like this
I'm not alive in the same sense as the others
I don't grow or change on my own accord
no I sit still
silent
immovable
stubborn
I take in what goes on around me
since the beginning of time
until the end of time
time means nothing to a boulder
My cracks are representations
of the choices and actions of those around me
and I'm still sitting still
long after they have passed
stationary,
but don't try to move me,
because once I get going
I only get harder to stop
So that's me
a cold boulder
only capable of what
the world around me permits

I want.......
Quiero un corazon, lleno d'amor
Un corazon.

A heart.....
Por que tu no esta ahi?
Soy tan solo, tu no esta ahi.

Full.....
Toco justo guitarra, por te olvidar
Por que tu no esta ahi?
Soy tan solo, tu no esta ahi.

Of.....love.
Donde es mi corazon?
Creo esta perdido.


S T,  6 Abril 2013

I'm young,
and I don't really know
much about anything
I love my parents,
but let's be honest
genetics didn't give me
too much of a choice
I've thought that I'd loved girls
and maybe I did
how the **** do you ever know?
but I've been thinking on the subject
for some time now
debating if it even existed
and I think it has to
It's the only thing between us
and the end of all things
But it exists in simpler forms
love is the feeling you get
when you are so mad at her
that you could lay hands on her
but you never would,
you just don't have it in you
love is when
you come back to him
time after time
regardless of the ******* mistakes he makes
time after time
Love is when
the thought of them
spending time with somebody else
being consoled by somebody else
being loved by somebody else
makes you feel absolutely
sick to your stomach
but I think
that all love really boils down to
is saying yes
even though,
you know you should say no,
that is my understanding of love

Let me tell you about the time I got jumped,
my pumped up heart thumped me apart
it was around three AM
and we were drunk again
drinking flavored ***** in my apartment
somewhere in between boys and men
drinking to our heart's content
we head out and hit the cement
we were going to the Camel
where we thought time would unravel
It was a small venue on broad street
they did ska and jazz and other stuff
and it was never full, not by far
but we were in the mood for drunk ska
and we danced
or more so we thrashed
and kicked and punched and all kinds of other ****,
then the show was over
and we headed back
walking down broad street at 3 AM
can make you superstitious
can make you avoid every crack to avoid a broken back
we turned onto first street
and it was dark out
the sort of dark that is only viewed in a six year old's room
the sort of dark that breeds monsters in closets
or under beds, **** it, it's all in our heads,
but people are monsters that do exist
they kick and twist
vicious spirits of malice and ****
I heard the footsteps
clapclapclapclapclap
and just had time to think
"somebody is running awfully fas-"
blinding lights like fireworks
exploded in front of me
and I was on the pavement
about a  foot away from me
or where I was
what was the cause?
my face hurt, and why all this blood?
my friend Michael
he's a skinny art kid
was on the ground
getting what I can only call
the absolute **** kicked out of him
I mean he just couldn't win
they circled like vultures
these rejects of culture
"What you got? What you got?"
he got
a pair of tight skinny jeans
and a pocket full of artistic dreams
they couldn't squeeze past the seams
and they gave up
when somebody at the bus stop
yelled
"******* SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!"
they were off
and I've never seen people run so fast
I mean seriously
these guys were hauling ***
these members of the criminal class
not bad
just desperate and lost
and sick of being **** on
so they ******* with us
they didn't even get any money
they just left behind a few bruises
and a cracked lens in Michael's glasses
We went up to my apartment
I knew I wouldn't be pressing charges
those men were indiscriminate targets
and actually finding them seemed far fetched
no instead I put some ***** on a paper towel
and put it on the **** on my arm
I then proceeded to run around the apartment
trying to articulate the burning pain of my arm
but instead it came out something like
"oh **** oh **** ohhh Jesus Christ this really ******* hurts!"
and then we drank more
and I passed out on my bed
fully clothed
my ****** arm exposed
and I fell asleep laughing
because ******* it
I was alive

Friend zoned
dethroned
no more primrose
visions of a future untold
so you complain
she always goes for the ones with no brain
well it's a no brainer
you have to save her
right?
no wrong
this isn't some ******* love song
and you don't get to win the girl every time
by being the sensitive sort of guy
there has to be something in your *****
which give you courage to make the calls
the choices you've avoided
which would have let you down her halls,
but you never did
the friendship
was just too **** perfect
to try and evolve
so now you devolve
into beer whiskey and ****
oh aren't you such a knight
atop your noble steed?
you won't succeed
until you put the feeling
that your wheeling and dealing
will somehow strengthen some glass ceiling
but you complain
and ***** and moan
and say
"It's not fair, I'm in the friend zone."
when really it was you
who didn't own up to
all the things you were supposed to do

She had a pair of bright eyes
somewhere between hazel and green
he was never much good at colors
there's a spark in those big eyes
which carries a hint of
I don't know what's going to happen next
and her pouted lips
raise at one corner
to suggest
she prefers not knowing what's next
"Oh Miss bright eyes,
won't you come for me?"
he sighs
in the early morning
and before his drunk head
rests on that pillow
She makes the closet romantic in him
want to write a whole bunch of things
his friends would call gay
and he doesn't care
she has him now
caught in the spell she cast
with the gyrations of her hips
in sync with the drum beats
which ring out from the basement speakers
his bright eyed girl of mystery
and adventure
and maybe love
He has always had a thing
for bright eyed girls

Beach week
so we were just there
in they eyes of parents
to drink, drug, and ****
and we were
but there's more to it than that
it was a goodbye
a send off
to the times when we were allowed to be kids
so every grain of North Carolinian sand
was like a moment in time we spent
innocent like a memory
and we bask in the sun
the sand mixing with sunscreen on our backs
and we start drinking every day
at 2 pm
as if we actually had something to celebrate
we ate special brownies
and threw all of the chairs in the pool
and spent a good twenty minutes
laughing our ***** off
and to the sound
of generic radio music
hips and ***** grind against crotches
in hopes of kindling
that high school romance
that we never had the courage to pursue
and the day we left
at the end of the week
felt like a funeral
as if,
even if we did see each other again
we wouldn't be looking at the same person
we're all just growing up
moment after moment
and I don't want to

as long as you are
one cool *** *******
you're untouchable
think about it,
guns liquor and cigarettes
surely do more bad than good
but you are a liar
if you'd say
that guns aren't bad ***
that liquor isn't cool
that smoking isn't edgy
so be cool
and as bad as you want
and they'll do whatever they can
to make sure that you
don't go anywhere