She's got a talent, she's got a calling,
She wears Black like it's never boring,
She giggles with Jesus in the dark at night,
And although she seems as sharp as a butterknife
She's got the aura and the dark velvet glow
That hints at a history of being bad to know.
She's been a nun since her bully of a husband drowned
Fell asleep in the bath they say and just never came round.
She likes a bet, on the Gee-Gees mostly,
But just for fun, for confessional purposes only,
She likes to give the Fathers something ****
So their forgiveness muscle doesn't get lazy.
She mixes with Goths at festival time,
Paints tears on her cheeks and blood red lines.
Drinks Guinness & Cider with blackcurrant cordial,
Cursing in Latin like an everyday Immortal,
She wears leathers decked in buttons & badges -
One says 'GOD Is Love - But JESUS Is Magic'
That's Sister Imelda a paraclete of one -
She didn't like being a widow so became a nun,
She's a legend of loving but woe betide you
If you're up to no good and she gets half a clue
She'll skelp you right off, she'll hit you so hard
You'll be counting your bruises per slap per square yard.
And, don't ever tease her about finding God in the bath
She's turned medieval penance into her personal Arts & Craft.
As a religious enforcer with a fine line in torture
Before you say 'Yes Sister' she knows she's gotcha,
And her poor 'Our Father' up there in Heaven
He's out of bed getting on with it before she says Amen!
Yes, having her in the family has always been fun -
Like sitting down to tea with a ticking time-bun.
The laughter is Biblical, the jokes are like lightning,
She's the best go-to-person when the screws of life need tightening.
Imelda? She always behaves like she's the Pope's Darth Vader,
Tough as old boots now you think - but just you wait 'til later..!
A performance piece favourite usually delivered in Trad Irish Sessions or Pub Poetry gigs. If it is anything it is a 'nod' to the style & delivery of John Cooper Clarke but beyond that my erstwhile father had a cousin named Imelda who was indeed a Nun for a short time- She was not suited to the life evidently.