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Big
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Big
Smaller looking at the outside massive looking in.

Immense, vast, full of custard light waves and oceans of blueberry pods; dark with nothing yet fierce as the brightest diary prose.

Shining on the mirrors of gratitude, tsunami’s of smiles. Lifting, giddily jostling, surprised rivulets of recognition. Of a sight and sign that has been there since existence.

Waiting and dancing for acceptance, as patient as a windless sea. To feel it wrap around and envelope a sparkling beat of jazz glide, floating in sheets of rhythm, taps and fire.

Dynamic bolts of form and syllables of expression: undulating a room with eyes on precise viewpoints each asking an important question.

Always responsive to engage in conversation ideas to render and tether back. Tendrils and tendrils of inclusion and familiar dialect that always made sense.

Each voice singing to a choir and exulting in cascades of reflection. Privileged to inhabit this moment of perpetuating vastness, clear and dense as a black twilight pond. Knowing I live there.
Immensity of place.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Discover,
cradle,
nurture,
blossom,
co-exist,
release,
reflect,
W­onder,
dream…
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Bigger than life, he came into my world and filled a space that did not exist; curious about this young being but open to friendship.

Driving a cool car and loaded with guns that piqued my curiosity. How big are they? Can I shoot one? Teach me about this idea you have.

He came not sure how to move, this new house, this new family, this place quite uncertain but more whole than before; unexpected looking back but glad we were together.

Inviting but wary, what are you doing with that hose? Don’t be afraid young one, I just need to get into that bathroom for one minute…..

Off to fight wars that should not be sending young men to, touching at the airport to see who “gotcha” last; and he won which means he will come back. So glad.

Working hard, making his way in the world and being where he needed to be. Building homes and making life continue; maybe unsure but never wavering on his responsibility and his resolve.

Apart but close in a way not scripted or common, connecting however possible and maintained with care and love.

Standing by my side in union of love and destruction of vow, be sure it’s OK, be sure it will get better, be sure of your own heart; you will find peace.

Full of life and laugh, steadfast in conviction, accommodating in finding a place to meet; giving home a place no matter where or when there is connection.

He is my….big brother.
Todd Monjar Nov 2015
Puddles of rain form gelatin-like amoebas on a shiny black rail.
Waiting to be windswept and float off to another landing place.

Unmoved by vociferous bluejays, hypersensitive and affected by mounds of coffee and glucose; their rushing with urgent energy to be heard and to speak truths unfounded and non-sensical.

All still beyond a longing for certainty; quiet in the flow of illusion that roils incessantly yet uncontrolled and preordained.

Tears of joy to soothe a parched sphere; and we begin again…
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Moss green wallpaper splashes past my open deck,
swirling and shooting like a dulled electrical current.

The gray sky is dripping in anticipation and fermenting with the washable universe,
covering us in a soft embrace that nudges our edge to a wonderful glow.

Flowers reaching, leaves bursting, hearts opening to the beautiful possibility of
dance throughout the day,

one step, then another, then another, twirling upon buoyant fields of Earth until the sun sets and we retreat into a bed of peace.

Slumber, hold, touch and discover; settling down to a deep place of dreams and joy.

Yes….
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Jostling for reflection and dancing to a tin eared melody; the night settles into a charcoal blanket of haze, throbbing with disconnection and pantomimed ardor.
Ageless beauty unleashed into a sea of fusion; guiding and reassuring along a collective path of unrelenting discovery and peace.

Rest under a piercing glint of consciousness, round and refracting.

Maps bring enlightenment to paralyzed eyes and recurring desolateness.
Ravenous appetites tempered with surly indifference and an unappreciated collaboration.

A beckoning sea, eager to transport and soothe while carrying waves of familiarity; knowing where to touch our hearts and inhabit our souls.

Solid, perfect mountain skies, knitting the leaves of truth to form a delicate and exhilarating bolt - accepting grains of smiles into outstretched palms.

Forever altered yet historically perpetuated, knowledgeable and accepting; dreaming of leagues of turquoise and hands intertwined, speechless and content.
Todd Monjar Mar 2017
Fierce swept demons of rage and turmoil; expecting their want yet receiving disloyal resistance.

Never satisfied from the thirst of unrelenting desire for certainty, frustrated in fits of insanity. The beat continues…

Dissipation is anti-climactic, unsatisfying to a gluttonous hoarder of familiarity. Never quite becoming the salve.

So lay down and succumb to the soothing velvet of green moss and the intoxicating tumble of liquid solitude; enveloping and layering a thickening skin of joy.

Imagine a melting slide of pure being, unquestioned and reminiscent into a pool of weightless flutter; ecstatic without direction and blissful in anticipation.

All that exists now is breath and the pinpoint endlessness of possibility.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Where does it come from, the look for a windswept country road amidst the tatters of urban milieu?

Dusty, unsettled yet blending it’s vapor into a fertile base of introspect.
Never-ending destination on a track to horizons set underneath lightyears of grooves; searching, wandering as a serpent meanders in a lukewarm stream.

The expectation of countenance, where signs of stories unfold like the glint of a morning field of dew.

Betrayed by the unrelenting swirl of treacherous indifference and a rage that rides in ocean swells and currents. Taunted, harassed, stoked with a fury of imperceptible consequences; then laid to rest in a winter woodpile hut of anticipation.

Seething mountains await the fervid climb to vanquish entombed demons; rolling bellies of laughter and contempt rain down on adolescent desolation.

Awakened! The embers glow in recognition of a fierce dissonance between the sound of the jailers key and the flutter of a sooty tern; free yet cognizant of cobblestoned sustenance and gray-scaled etchings beneath muted light.

The wind that sweeps that trodden path of remembrance lifts up dreams to heights unimagined scale; distorting familiarity and tickling spines of goosebumps with buffered rays of jubilance.
Rooms and halls, once entangled and endless, diffuse into beaches of shimmer and rolling fluff.

Relax, breathe, pull along past inhabitants with reams of silken chiffon.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
We gather amidst the classic architecture of paper winning measurements. Larger and larger came the list of numbers with meaning and direction. Reciprocation unstacked in a flight of bridging steps.

Time spent dreaming guides a glimpse of patterns and contrast. Undulation of form from vibration, endlessly cajoling; dancing with promise but never to imagine where it stops.

It doesn’t matter, rather seeing a walk to the idea, settle or so; it is OK to keep moving and inquiring.

Dance, lift, fly unfettered, sing the song that is playing in our eyes. Sometimes rapids, others a meandering slumber with a shower of ease and drawing heat. Follow the design, it never lags but remains seeking, pulling, answering.


Wind patterns shaping the curves and pillows keeping pace, tumultuous frantic smiling bliss. Carried with care as a gratitude that gleams with pink and shine. Fresh, new like never seen before and unaware of a how a deeply ingrained presence exhibits truth.

Startled in a state of reflection and reminiscent of sweet pasts and glide. Yes, it is possible because if I am who am I catching fish and bottling heat and rolling --- then it can be desired without a search for inquiry.

Let it be. Endure the suggestion into act.

Be quiet and exult.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Wondering songs, lifted on a carpet of lace green moss and serpentine streams; charming neighbors and reassuring those in attendance.

There is no uncertainty in where it will end, but a joy of the flutter of familiar flowers; a nearness and constant presence without the sameness of the past.

Where is the path, where does the story bed down at night?

Underneath a cacophony of language and a channel of uninterrupted flow; where once a whistle lay now a puff and a twitch.

It matters not the direction of the wind; nor the scent of an old day; it matters not if young or old, nor the size of the dream.

If only to see the queasy colors filled with riffling dance, endless yet comforting on the spine of creation; mesmerizing — enthralling with abundance, uncaring unto a never-ending destination.
Todd Monjar Oct 2017
Gray straight rain, no wind, multi-dimension layers of meaning; each strand a voice of information that starts and ends at the same place.

There is initially a tangled array of random movement brought forth with an awareness  of  the cross-dimensional  configuration showing a deep reaching tunnel of bits and pouring of perpendicular abstraction that makes sense only to the unintended.

Each carrying a spark of finality upon touchdown, only to be rudely laughed at by the wizards of universal motion. Bouncing, dancing, splattering to a river of smooth, wet rollicking journey.

Rolling, meandering films of sheen, coating the ground in an endless search for a destination while understanding  that the cycle is perpetual; dancing up to the stars to await another episode of release.

It began with such directed energy of meaning and now succumbs to a humid, vaporized blanket of tranquility causing dropping lines, shunning leaves and streaming rivulets of anticipation; waiting to commune and chortle and mock the dryness that it mottles into one simple palette.

Never ceasing energy mops the residue in a retreating, shimmying, calculated tidal return; undulating shapes and recognition of the same existence being instantly different and we may not realize the illusion before us.

Each moment storing a placeholder in memory of the washing of the earth and our consciousness that flows from story to story; time telling a silent and certain rendition of rivers past that unifies its path with vibrational filaments in a sing-song lilt of joy.
Todd Monjar Mar 2016
Sitting in place, watching for each breath to follow. Sitting in place while the pulse of the universe passed through, washing over me like a quilted array of colorful threads.

Waiting, resisting any urge to categorize it while breathing…..

From here to vapor clouds of yellow-green shapes, familiar and yet strikingly new and delightfully unique; letting go of any hold on my place, sitting in place.

Complete stillness in unison with an amplified propulsion of movement, surging through my body while the crafted, colorful texture buffets any notion that it could ever stop.

The fabric woven from strands of green, red, rainbow hues, standing and waving but endless; recognizing its elusive presence. Here, then gone, new forms and ideas.

There, but whipped away in a reality of thought; throbbing back to a joyous cacophony of brilliant cobalt spots melding into pools of glaze and meandering laughter. Rich with a deep knowledge of comfort and creation.

Rolling conveyors of electrified strands in textile grids, carrying me through existence; not away but throughout. Not alone but connected in a field of saturated love and reaffirming energy. Beckoning to participate in a communal array of shared newness and fascinated creativity.

Beating, pulsating, reverberating through my being; lifting and transporting from here to here. Flashing, stunning, gripping yet gently releasing me to a river-stream of floating and mellow current.

Elusive to comprehend yet immediately sure. Breathing with a singular rhythm but bombarded with a magnanimous abundance of photons, blasting through into an ambling state. Smiling, soothing, mirthful but astoundingly reassuring and irrevocably present.

Sitting in place, wanting to stay and receive while being pulled to a new place of possibility and self-perpetuation.

Sitting in place in the middle of nothing. Delirious.
Todd Monjar Dec 2018
Like a sliding sheath of film, soft, irradescent, miraculously covering my self.

Dreamt up portions of sustenance and well being, the rain welcomed  me as a gentle greeting and cosmic fluidity; splendid with intelligence and mirthful interaction.

The inception lingered with the varying waves of music, tapping and rolling away to begin again.

And why not follow that same predilection for curiosity and discovery of the unknown; wandering aimlessly with precision and amazement.

Stop in a side lot with complete pre-non-existence and feel wildly at home. No where to reach, no where to stretch, everywhere to see and touch and feel.

Taken along as if childlike and never questioning where it was To Be. No other place exists and yet I can imagine them all in sparkling memoirs; dancing, looking, playing, living.

So I’ll move again and be enriched with their story, those that we seek to hear what it is. To ingest a guide to sense their rumble and animation.

Silence is dawning with the borders of the next groove calling for  participation. Rendition, apparition,  bee-bopping to where it was and this place now.

If it pulls then I guess it is good to go.
Todd Monjar Dec 2015
Waves come to greet me like curious dogs inspecting a new person, testing for good or bad.

Tentative yet friendly, playful and carefree, omnipotent and elevated with tender edges; touching, sniffing, wary but hopeful.

Hopeful that there is a place for the inevitable.

Hopeful that they will be cared for; perpetuated even knowing that it is the breath of the universe.

Vast and whole, powerful and massive; while gently and meekly ever dissipating.

But not ending, feeding itself and sustaining the ebb.

Flowing like a mane of lava, brushed and rippled by a cold October wind; carrying the scents of galaxies past, and of future stars.

Nudging, licking, smiling; a loving way for fearful and weary travelers.
Todd Monjar Sep 2015
A sunlit path opens to a sparkling patio of popping fairies, illuminating their joy to a slumbering neighborhood.

Heaves of breath rise up and in, running at a cadence beyond control; wrapping my soul in a velvety embrace of soothing mystery.

Inviting our neutrality to dance and mingle away the feelings of billions of other; observe, come, join and smile.

Let our beings meld and take wonder of the ultimate lungs; breathing and exhaling and evermore following a journey of creation.

Not capricious on a cliffs edge, rather a surge of incessant freedom in the sea before us.

This is all still yet turbulent, our fantasy of fulfillment; and now we join to bring a portrait home for keeping.

Swim, hop and delight; we are one.
Todd Monjar Jan 2016
Red-haired ginger top dancers, swaying and bopping to a cold ****** of life; foot to foot to keep the dormant chlorophyll reminded and their toes warm.

Appealing to and beckoning the wind-swept frosts of frozen steam, passing, tickling, taunting; both seeking solace in a still flow of life.

Suddenly, dark waves of menacing blankets cover and restrict; jolting the audience into rigid attention.

Tousled hair still delights subjects finding joy and comfort from deliberate interconnection; unison of energies perpetuate the sameness from distant beginnings.

Planted seeds have grown into peeping bleats for nourishment, for remembrance and for return.
All the troupe releases into a frenzy of whirling smiles wafting on the ripples of a gray dance floor, twisting, leaping and whispering chords of satisfaction.

Now the beat of the sparkles illuminates a wandering sense of souls, yearning for a path to continue the journey; seeking destination in a cosmic swirl of limitless float.

Where once were separate entities of thought and perception, there are now images of a unified universal soup; blending our moment into an endless cascade of beauty and possibility.
Todd Monjar Jul 2016
Moss green wallpaper splashes past my open deck,
swirling and shooting like a dulled electrical current.
 
The gray sky is dripping in anticipation and fermenting with the washable universe,
covering us in a soft embrace that nudges our edge to a wonderful glow.
 
Flowers reaching, leaves bursting, hearts opening to the beautiful possibility of
dance throughout the day,
one step, then another, then another, twirling upon buoyant beds of Earth until the sun sets and we retreat into a bed of peace.
 
Slumber, hold, touch and discover; settling down to a deep place of dreams and joy.

Yes….
Todd Monjar Aug 2015
There were rough seas filled with flower petal edges of turbulence and razor prawns,
waiting to open up a tumbling soul.

Only to let go of the need to understand, an optimum trajectory of will leaped into the broth and brought relief and ultimate indifference to the cutting possibility; rather a soothing shudder of calm and blissful undulation.

Yes, thanks, yes is the response! Immersed but floating in the sway of comfort and grace. Yes!

Stand-alone peace, chilling on a favorite dune with fantasies of the abundance of succulent morsels; shared with friends and loved ones. All of us forgetting any of the beat of time, reveling in enough; no where to go and eons of travel to get there.

Warm waves unraveled sheaths of golden fleece to meet the blue/pink wash of clouds and sky; revealing a tapestry of imagination that is endless upon endless dreams.

No where to go and eons of travel to get there…
Todd Monjar Jan 2016
A purple and gold wildcat appears spewing toxic spittle in an anger formed growl,
yet carrying sweet souls to enlightenment and dreams of knowledge and wisdom.
Loading and laughing, unaware their transporter has schemes of entrapment and scourge;
tho’ displacement maneuvers the terror and supposition replaces uncertainty.

Where is the lioness to manage the pride, on their own in an unending expanse of brick and asphalt savanna?
Home, secure in the evolution of time, knowing in parental intuition that cubs will find food;  that universal bestowment slakes a wandering thirst.
Surrogate providers fill their souls with care and culture, edifice and education; creating new and unimagined expanses with layers of fleece and grooming.

There is a prowl although harmless in subjugation to a delightful dance; tamed by civilized possibilities and invincible bloodline caution.
The young lioness realizes a newfound equality in the face of self-important rights of passage; patiently waiting, hunting with her cooperative sisters and feeding manes of observance.

Feline grace becomes the royal presence necessary to trust a new way, to forge an uncharted territory filled with tradition.
New cubs become armed with embellished string theory and a profound sense of purpose, guided by decisions of chance and courage.
Brave, the lioness! Brave the keeper of the cubs, together nurturing innate inference without forethought.
Arrive and be still.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Sitting atop a mountain peak, deep in a forest of green topped trees and flashy lightning bolts.

Remembrances of promises taken, fleeting moments of ardor and lust; washed away with a drowning downpour amidst tables of hapless lovers and wandering hearts.

There is a recognition of current and cleansing paths; undulating in poses of chairs and dancers, wondering when their number will be played.

Sated, yet ravenous for deepening discovery; a walk in the jungle, safe jungle while savannahs are planned.

Titillating journeys that were once fraught with indecision; now a gleaming highway of immense freedom and delight.

What was the name of that road?
Todd Monjar Dec 2017
Sister.

She has an electric heart that beams as if a signal fire in the vast valley of lost journey’s and misplaced deeds, always flickering and dancing to a tune that comes from a certain place; melodic and rhythmic from a choral score of exalted angels.

This heart connects she and I and you and he and her and there, beating comfort and joy and possibilities, never drawn to the mirror but upon the brilliant expanse before her in wonder.

Her heart brings a smile of home and peace and unending flow like a stream that trickles though the meadow, seeking and accepting the smoothed and jagged stones with nary a thought.

One heart that feeds many is immense and brimming, chock full of compassion and genuine curiosity; finding ways to top off and to wrap and embrace.

Life-filled heart believes from a voice that is present in every exchange, sharing and moving and making and doing; offering what exists and suggesting what is true.

Magnificent soul touches with precognition that is heard as a lyric of yesteryear and passed on like a bard on the levy; heartfelt.

This heart is cherished with a sense of reverence and love, to be held with grateful hands and craving thirst; slaked as if poured through a cascading vessel of bliss.

Her heart. My heart. The heart of us all.

Sister.
Todd Monjar Oct 2017
Thoughts, always there, in and out like the breath of a new formed river. Fleeting but bonded with films of magnetic genome. 
They carry us and taunt, we are them and they us. 

It's part of just what's happening at the moment and we catch a glimpse. We toss our version forward and are truly grateful when we hear back. 

Listening; as a darkened room cinema, and seeing the complete blackness. There somewhere (of course floating!) is a portal so vast yet so infinitesimal, inviting to meld through and realize a certain place. 

Without boundary that brings Library's of Congress in gelled layers of inert presupposition. And we persist in our certainty. 
They can be friends, they can be altering nuisance and they are of themselves. Familiar but not fresh, these thoughts enjoy their ride along; and why not us?

Because we know it is there. We know it exists. It carries a sense of evenly synchronous wrapping that is absolutely sure and full of nothing. 

All in the midst of of ambiguously roiled deception, we are resolute in our assured plunge into the bubbling joy. 
Nothing can stop us nor should it be considered. Don't you remember it is impossible? Only now will you realize that the thought went away.
Todd Monjar Nov 2017
I've been up for an hour and a half.

Beautiful slumber nudge from the sun on a layered neighborhood.

Pale blue-whiteish edge to to an endless rolling horizon, wheels spinning to chase the time only to get lost in the spinning wisps of respirating morning.

Stretching, yawning warming tingle in a maze of bedsheets and delicious dreams. Illusions dancing a mirthful leap in wonderment of blended notions and tactile bewilderment.

Birds on a wire, with considered flight to reach for electric jaunts to a never ending sea of flow and visual amazement.

Now is the moment of awakening to a movie about your life, filled with audacious characters and fanciful dreams; in the dance and inviting to share the hop of joy and delight.
Todd Monjar Feb 2016
The morning comes at me in sideways, frenzied swirls; urging the heart to beat faster and the pace to quicken.

It’s energy dissipates into crystallized coatings of sugar and ice cream, covering a path that is the same yet treacherously deceiving; beckoning to run and frolic like a setter after a leaf.

The stride is low and measured with a bounce of flowing possibilities, somehow dismissing the bald, slick mountain orb that holds no one; that holds our existence like glue.

Patterns emerge under a delightful artist notion, layers upon layers, textures melding with form, colors yearning to find their own personality; creating itself from a falling idea.

Tendrils of fluid, wispy inquisitiveness seek to insert their purpose onto the canvas; like rivers of rolling acrylic from the oversaturated master brush. White and grayish drips making their way to an authentic resting place with delving curiosity and untethered adventure.

Cracks, shrieks of cold anguish across the water; or is it chortles of delight at the incessant rage of an unsatisfied bluster?

The force is at my back, not to push and mold me but to buffet the noise from the useless chatter; to comfort and warm like a soothing bundle of goose down without a floor.
Todd Monjar Oct 2015
Dark draped and pliant as ink; resting on the pinpricks of stars and their steel pins.
Wrapping  and bundling us in a pose of obstinance and theory; still alive but inert with the weight of nothingness.

Seeking and pulling into a container of black soup, the strength of fear was no match for sharing.
Once, a race began to meet on the other side of spatial creation; opposite but circling like sexed schoolmates on a crisp autumn day.

Time as full as galaxies and their grandchildren, never slowing to consummate a dream.
Air still beatable, vapor fogging the porthole of eternity to leave only a thought. Many thoughts in lineup, creating a community of ideas and filling the vessel with voice.

Moving, transcended outside into the film, looking back to the throng; mightily laughing at the joy of one.
Gulping stars like candy and dust from the crest of curling waves; removing the glue and melting into an orb of amniotic stew.

Knowing one, being one, as one.

I can sleep on my pillow of love and eternal travel.
Todd Monjar Jan 2021
Drinking coffee with two books in my hand listening to Miles Davis’ So What.

A few thoughts.

The journey is an ongoing float down the river and expanding as time passes. The phenomenon of surrender is fascinating when realizing how it manifests.

I find the treacherous peril becomes an observance. The need to climb a mountain and stand on top to see dissolves with the realization there is a better view here. The depths of the dark river are giddily waded through upon discovery of a knee deep sandy bottom.

There is an unexpected evenness that can be disorienting until it touches the edge of everything all at once.

My life is full of many simple things that left to their own accord, are blossoming into effortless attraction.

I’m starting to feel the realization of intention, better yet the lack of concern for the destination.

Time dissipates and freedom blankets me. Maybe you see the same kaleidoscope.

Hop to, toddEugene
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Caterpillars winding through speeding leaves of green, undersized white shimmer; plugging into the hub of centipedes.

Full of color, rhythm and anxious wandering. One side facing the other, laughing but passive; wondering what the destination would look like. Chatter, chatter friends, family arm in arm; packed with assurance yet youthful apprehension.

Sidewalks guide the train of feet, flitting and crawling. Some stuck like glue and others fluttering from their privileged perch. Can each be questioned? Do they reveal their story or bury their head in formulaic prose?

Now, a reclusive respite from the scurry, no urgency to ride the no use ride. White marble and 70’s disco funk playing, delivering a long untouched vibe. A cool, familiar wave of longing to the past.

Must move again but stillness is a calming adhesive, stay quiet in space, stay put in time while remembering the peaceful settling wave.

Walk again
Todd Monjar Dec 2017
Beginning the movement, catches my eye amidst dead leaves in perplexing folly yet imagined many times before; in between reality and fantastical imagery conjured from a contemplative journey. Awake!

Riding beside the troupe blowing and skimming with a twirl of gaiety and precision, colorful pinwheels taunting beneath a synchronized sequence bequeathed with unknown passage and certain conclusion.

The wind becomes a partner that carries them like a beige velvet flying carpet, dancing to a silent orchestra intention; meandering to a landing pattern meant to rejuvenate yet another design.

They have no destination which is odd. Somehow they are both aware of the vaporous soup filled with magnificent color and lines and nary a thought about where to go; it musn’t be plied for satisfaction.

The mirth of it all! Acting as if there was control over their trip and showing off in a bodacious manner, the pile snaked and flicked its lightening colored tongue along the gray bespeckled pavement. Reciprocation came while the observant outfitted a seat on a similar trolly, arriving by the far sea of imagination.

We are twisted together and unfurled in a maniacal gavotte of sensuous interpretation, transporting us along a path of wafting field grass and bubble-wrapped white pillows of cloud; static except edgeless.

How can this be? We believed we set on foot for arrival only to chuckle later that we have never manifested an anchor of adhesion; understanding that we are perpetual and stirred with a never-ending abundance of transcendence.

Not farther away, not closer to anticipation. Centered in a profusion of ideas and symbiotic embrace; we are wrapped in cavernous layers of gradient billowing fabric that becomes what we see behind our closed eyes. It is never the same…

Once considered turbulence we now know is a replete carriage of weightless feathering, delivering dreams with unexpected alacrity and reassurance.

Now that theatrical scene before me has relevance and authenticity unto itself and my own participation. My attention has been captured and granted free access whenever desired.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
A familiar look towards possibilities of comfort and passion; easing a day of uncertainty into the rapture of beatitude.

Yes…felicity with supplement and energy; a journey replenished with surfeit rays of light, moving and guarding, washing the path into pools of twinkling bursts of sparkle.

Seeking and searching amidst pecks of rain; viewing a boring discovery through pods of ants marching to a wanderlust beat.

Traveling through lace rainbows and cinnamon-tongued garniture to places of secretive fantasy and carnal celebration.

Unspoken recognition in an ethereal desire; consummated beneath a sky clipped with symmetrical lavender swabs quieted to a stop; languid, still with wonder and awe.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Why?

DO you know that feeling when you ask someone for directions, even though you know where you’re going and get angry with yourself for not knowing?

DO you know that feeling when you apply for that job knowing you are marking down the day when you give that up and look for the next job?

DO you know that feeling when you capitulate to live a life that is scripted for you, that is on the roadmap that everyone clings to yet everyone despises?

DO you know that feeling when you question  “Well how did I get here?” And there is a ream of paper loaded with the answer, just waiting for response time. Why?

The idea that there is someone inside of you enabling that conversation with yourself. Two of us , always at odds because he knows your every move, predicts it and then mocks you when you **** up.

Speak like she wants, dress up like he wants, dance like they want, **** like indecisive wants, work like they want, love like we all want and think like it wants. Why?

Two of us, living day to day, never coming to an agreement because somehow your bluster shines and you don’t need help. You swagger on the boulevard, trust the way to get what you want, seize the road to riches and you are the king.

And you are the one that is chafed, you are the one that flies into a rage while driving on a road and have no empathy for how other driver feels. You are the one that boils over from nothing, from such a surprising place that has no origin and seeks all home. Why?

There is huge rage and you’re not sure why it is so big. It comes from nowhere and it pours out like a molten flow of vitriolic lava, seeking to scorch and burn, eager to destroy whatever stands in your way and you are scared. You are terrified because you don’t comprehend what it means but why it is so intimate and why it is so appropriate and yet it is heinous.

You’re a good person, you are full of love, you care for other people, you really want to make everything OK. Where does the poison come from and what is it’s purpose. Why?

Every now and then you have an exchange with that other guy. You conform to  interact thinking you compliancy and he is settled and will be acceptant. That conversation with yourself while you brush your teeth and wonder why YOU are not happy. And there is an answer that you find in your eyes that is deeper than the most distant empty space between the oldest stars in the universe.

He answers, “You know the answer *******, you have it all inside of you and yet you hide behind the fear.” The fear of not understanding why you can’t accept it, why you can’t accept the idea, why you can’t accept …me. Why?

It comes from the vault guy. He lives in a locked room with a huge steel door that can’t be opened from the inside. It’s dark and plain and blends together and offers no expanse. He has been there since you were old enough to form words and thoughts and fears. He can only come out when it is safe and non-judgmental and expected.

He is in this vault and HE is the one that is ******* ******. Why does he have to stay in there?  Why does he live alone with great thoughts but is sequestered in a patented place. Why can’t he be out and the one that lives in each moment and somehow understands that that is all there is? Why?

See, he is the cool one, with all the allure and charm and warmth. He is the one that writes great poetry. He is the one that turns everyday illusion into a Rorschach full of meaning and depth and beauty.

He finds it from his guts, from his heart and from the stream that is ceaseless and pure and unaltered. From a place of unfiltered joy and gratitude. And yet HE lives in a vault. Why?

All he wants is to walk in the same place, to see the same magic, to hear the lilt of the world, to touch the sensual electric of fine curves and silken hair, to smell the scent of a warm ocean breeze under a cavernous full moon. To be treated with love and compassion and understanding.

To be accepted for who he really is. Do you understand?

Why not?
Todd Monjar Nov 2015
Sweet movement as a day dawns,
sending bands from a shore of still undulations.
There is always a hum and cadence, subject to
interpretations of a dance within my soul.
Metronome flicker casts a timekeeping shadow up and down
the syncopated arm of a universal clock.
Moving towards me and moving away; contracting
and expanding along a breath of dreams lost in a glide of winged freedom.

Exhale…
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Slithering, angles, winding and slow, traversing on a macadam conveyor belt, grounded and merciless. Time is considered, possibly coerced only to sneer relentlessly back through clouds of vapor and weary destinations.

Rivulets wandering on paths only known to their past; chaotic and dear with ravishing certainty. Arrival pending, souls eager for movement; interrupted by explosions of juxtaposing steel and hulking imposition.

Frightening suddenness balanced with settling calm; anticipating a glow of tunneling grace and beauty. Merriment abounds surrounded by bursts of dandelion puffs; a glistening mountain stream light and alive, scented with decades of sandalwood and jasmine.

Bright and coolness hunkers into dreams of sustenance and allure, pleading back cloaks of ambition and tarrying the morn into a lull of sedated warmth.

Bursts of neon washing waves of brushed slate metal; contrasting a backlit gloom that is congealed to a muted, unadorned precipice; that risks away oversaturated hubris into a disaffected cadence.

Pureness and wonder, dancing into jagged edges of gnawing rawness from a jaded journey; slaying dragons and languor from a somnolent arboretum.

A rosepink flush derived from a psychedelic prism; and a renewed animal heat, transforming a singular urgency to a pool of mellifluous nectar.
We
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
We
Dancing, gliding to a beat of calling birds,
moving still with a rhythmic cadence from a long lost sonata.
Furrowed fields, waving up a graduated bluff
brings curiosity, climbing, seeking, buffeted by gentle breezes through the confetti leaves.
A lone tree stands, guarding the rolling down, only to be passed and wishing good luck.
Bright sunny, yellow flowers, nodding their acceptance,
smiles wide with toddler enclosed costumes, welcoming to a new horizon.
Steps filled with flight, lightness and being of a place of never ending expansion,
never alone and accompanied by a peaceful past soul; graceful and vibrant.
One.

You,
And us,
Living a dream,
Together with the light,
Past all of the fears,
Never looking back to what was,
Being in the moment with our peace,
Lifting our faces to the joy,
Dancing to the rhythm within,
Watching our souls fly,
Playing the music,
Together us,
We.
Todd Monjar Feb 2020
Layers of fog tickle our skin warmed by the rising clear sun,
and our bodies are filled with vibrations of energy when our hiking feet touch the luscious earth.

Birds welcome our arrival and trees dance in a light dawning breeze that entice us to shimmy and twirl within a crowd heretofore unseen; surprised at our awareness and pleased with our gratitude.

Down into the embrace of sweet morning thoughts, opening our pores to the possibility of transposition and timelessness comes a wave of acceptance and a sign of approval.

We sit and watch the tumbling glitter of white froth and gray deepness in a movement that endures the reach of finality; breathing down the ***** and exhaling puffs of rain on the distant peaks.

We awake from our travel to the beginning while watching us pass by to the edge of nothing; jumping and laughing when we know that it is all one destination.

This moment, shared and complete is unknown and profound.

All from a place we do not have to leave from or look to or hear about. Our own…

— The End —