last year,
you fell in love with a boy
that only wanted your virginity
and you gave it to him on a silver platter
so you could remember what love feels like
but babygirl,
it's not love
if he only loves you for what's between your legs
it's not love
if the only thing he compliments you on
is the way your hips are formed
it's not love
if every time you said no
he ignored it

that boy is not your lungs
you can breathe without him,
i promise
he is not your atlas
never let someone
that doesn't care about the way
your continents took form
hold your world on their shoulders
*because when they crumble,
you will too

You remind me of my younger self
With a heart as big as the moon
Eager to reflect the sun
The son of the God you are singing to
Eyes closed
One arm reaching to the sky
As if Jesus is an arm’s length away
You remind me of my younger self
The love of music is evident
In the way you play the keys
And sing with smiling eyes
The way I used to
Heels pounding to the beat of the drum
Head tapping to the rhythm of bass
Fiery passion flowing through your veins
A passion I lost long ago
A passion that bled and burnt out
Until I couldn’t feel the music anymore
And I hope you end up the girl I always imagined myself to be
While the music has seeped back into my skin
The fire never ignited again
Don’t let it burn out
Fuel your own flame
Surround yourself with those who would do the same

i'm not at all a morning person, but,
could i be your morning person?
i could get up at seven on sundays and make your coffee.
and be up at 2am on wednesdays to hold you while you sleep.  
and,
at 4am,
when you feel like your worlds getting too small for all your thoughts,
i'll wake up,
and stay up,
so you can let your imagination over flow into mine just to stop it from spilling out onto the floor.
i'm not a morning person; not at all,
but, could i be your morning person?

for the days you feel whole:
you are still broken
for the days you feel broken:
you have the ability to be whole

tell me you remember
the day you let me wear your jacket
tell me you remember
the day we drove to where the sun touches the earth
tell me you remember
the day you held my hand for the first time
tell me you remember
because i could never forget

How do I say
In three words,
*I Miss You?

When they asked me if I loved you
I could feel a hole forming in my chest
My heart was digging to the bottom of my ribcage
So they it wouldn't spill all of its secrets
I imagine the word "yes" flowing from my body
Like water pouring from my lips
When they asked me if I loved you
My jaw crumbled like wet sand
My tongue and breath did not remember
How to work together in order to form words
I did not know how to lie to them
It's like I can feel my teeth begin to decay
When you acidic name slips through them
When they asked me if I loved you
I hope they would try to tuck the question back into their pocket
Maybe if I stayed quiet long enough they would
The uncomfortable silence was beginning to be noticeable
I never meant for this to sound so much like shot gun
When they asked me if I loved you
I could feel the pressure against the walls
The flood was far to overbearing
I will love you until I don't anymore
When they asked me if I loved you
I told them that I didn't
Simply because I find it useless to soak
A bath of room temperature love
When you mix hot with cold
The climate is never pleasing
I have learned
That when someone asks me if I love you
To always say no
Just to resist the risk of the words traveling to your ears
I cannot bear for you to know that I still love you
Even though you have left
You have filled something in me that is still full
Even though you are not here anymore
When they asked me if I loved you
I responded calmly
Acted as if it was a punchline I saw coming
Acted as if it wasn’t breaking my spirit in two
Acted as if I was fine with answering
"No."