haunted memories still betray me
I walk the darkened earth without you
I still see your light
even if it's from an unfathomable distance

centuries have silently passed

and in that time

my eyes have been opened
and the truth
has been breathed into me

as I fall upon bruised knee
I must speak freely
before I become undone

you must know this

our masks have fallen
no longer is there a place to hide

I beg you

bid my blood to run
I shall not be denied

for my sleeping refuge is bathed in suicide

and I no longer breathe

my wearied chest holds nothing more
then a pair of barren lungs
that desire more than the simple spark of life

oh sweet rapture of life

you are the bearer of my last breath

catch me as I fall
into your unending depths
and please don't fault me
because I can taste the disdain
in your silence

I leave you with this last thought

after all this time...you are still my lithium

and my veins ache for you...
frosted mornings
skies filled with grey
sugarplums dancing
silvered bells on display

stars dripping like icicles
from heaven above
the season of happiness
and brotherly love

winter rain falling
in whispers of white
snowy windows dressed
in soft candlelight

hand decorated trees
in ribbons of gold
Christmas stories
recited by the old

wrapping paper
in paisley red
a sip of eggnog
right before bed

wintergreen branches
with candy canes placed
homemade Christmas cards
expertly laced

gingerbread houses
and stockings too
mistletoe magic
and tidings anew

crackling wood
as the winter wind blows
a blazing fire
the warming of toes

families singing
familiar refrains
crying baby dolls
and shiny toy trains

silver garland
with tiny hearts
Grandmas tea
and Bakewell tarts

childrens laughter
some hot buttered rum
festive horns
and a beating drum

sweet cherub faces
in the finest of clothes
betwixt little gift boxes
with big satin bows

the spark of Christmas
is in the air
so I beg the Lord
to hear my prayer

give me sound mind
so I shall always remember
for faint and few
is the holidays ember
I anoint you
with the cruelest of kisses

yes the sweet elusive taste
that of which you desire

whispers of unremitting hunger
spoken from lips
colored in winter currant

eyes full of mischievous intent

and I shall paint my sins
upon your willing chest
so that you may know me in the shadows

not for the frail of heart
I am born of the witching hour
possessing insatiable longings
the darkest of appetites

I beg you
to look upon the one who has fallen from grace
and know that in the end
I will be the one you sell your soul to
as you surrender to my offerings

I will sink my teeth deep
drowning my mouth in the warmth
as my venom sears the very marrow
of your trembling thigh

the bitter madness of my death
dwells within your weakened veins now


I have begun carving my name upon your dark side
be warned I am nothing short of purgatory
a bottomless pit of tortured pleasure
I am your worst nightmare and your wildest dream

I ask only one thing in return

love me as my demons do
the thought never occurred to me
that one day you would be gone

once again
          leaving my cold world
irreparably broken

no longer able to lose myself
in the darkness of your ways
my soul has become the sacrifice
for your absence

I still hear your faint whispers
as your shadow dances
upon my bedroom wall

the soft moonlight dividing us

a celestial tearing

where love
and the blackness of death collide

upon ragged knees
I breathe deep and cry out


even in death your words feed my fire

I beg of you
give me a reason to believe

for I am surviving only
on your sweetened lies
and am no longer breathing the same air
as I once did

I gaze into the mirror daily


I can no longer tell the difference
between myself and the reflection

as I watch myself
shatter into the tiniest of shards


I have become so willing to sell my soul
to hide the darkness of my reality
which is far worse
than any nightmare I could ever conjure

I long to die
inside the same barren earth
that holds you

but I am still here
silently slipping away
into the world you left behind
laying dark and dreamless
as I bleed
Tim Loves Tankas May 2017
I died when you left
tears upon my dreary face
my heart stopped beating
I shall wander aimlessly
until the end of all time
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