the stars have pretty much aligned
when my manifestations did work,
a year ago, i scribbled your name
nine times across a blank page
sending you vibrations that i still exist;

now, mercury is in retrograde
i’ve stopped asking for signs over the weekend
a year later, more than nine, a hundred times
your name appears on my phone screen,
stalling, i'm just staying still
send me a text and let me know if in my life
you still want to exist.

i used to find escape
laughing at your inside jokes
occasionally glancing at the long roads
while we're driving 'round town;
and now, i'm not in the right headspace
you're still filling up my senses.

You don’t have to remind me of my scars
That I have already been seeing everyday
Even the faded ones which were too shy to resurface;

You don’t have to shoot the arrow unto my head
To rip it open just to tell me I have been wrong,
For 27 years, I have lived inside of it..
I have been familiar with every corner
I am used to seek comfort of;

I have been to its amusement park
Thrilled by its own roller coaster ride
Slightly mortified by the same horror booth
With entertainers disguised as ghosts
That weren’t as scary as what they portrayed to be;

I have gone to the forbidden garden
Filled with apple trees, harvested every ripen fruit
And tried to put them inside my mouth
Without chewing them
But the snakes ate me instead;

I have slept with one eye open at night
Gate keep my own thoughts when
One by one they start to wander
Through the woods without a guiding torch;

You don’t really have to tell me what to do next
We aren’t required to cross the finish line all at once
Nobody said this should be a race
The route I am taking might be sloppy, topsy-turvy
But I know I am moving at my own pace.