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Feb 2017 · 490
i, you
Xavier Feb 2017
I like depth, but I always drown.

You're not what I was looking for, but what I found.

I don't like your words, but I like your sound.

You lifted me high, and dropped me on the ground.
Feb 2017 · 538
Midnight Confession
Xavier Feb 2017
"I want to lay next to you in the dark and feel more than your physical existence. Let me breath you in and open you up in a way that'll light the room."
Dec 2016 · 1.1k
Xavier Dec 2016
My silence radiates like the sun
Burning hot into my seat
But I look so cool, calm
Like the Dead Sea

My body is stained from you like red wine on my white shirt
I'd never thought you'd bring this kind of hurt
It the dark hours when the moon follows me to the shore line
I drop and unwind like a sweater undone by that one thread that holds it all together

May 2016 · 380
Coup de Grâce
Xavier May 2016
I grip tight.

The air in my lungs is forced out by the intruders that slip off your tongue.

A thin layer of glass, fragile and ready to shatter on your command, I am.

Suffocating from suspense, wishing to pour my genuine thoughts out for you to drink so you could feel their warmth and truth in your empty stomach.

My eyes water and my face burns.

I want to pull my insides out so you know how empty I am without you.

I'm dead and I don't even know it yet.

That venomous phrase flows from my thoughts and into my veins; burning and tainting my heart.

This is all my fault, it always is.

My last meal is your breath as I inhale you in and kiss your lips for one last taste of love.
Apr 2016 · 417
Xavier Apr 2016
The waves are getting rough
I'm feeling stuck,
A rock and a hard place
The winds are pushing back
Which direction do I face?
I'm not as tough as I thought and I have fought and fought
but drown I do in my actions
Spinning in my hurricane
I catch my efforts
Smile through the pain and no one there to blame
But a reflection in a broken mirror
My luck has changed, it never existed
I lost it all, I gained it all
The knowledge
The road is clear, not yet paved
Balance on one foot to save energy
I'm coming down your street
Guide me along, blank maps
Split my whole world in half.
Apr 2016 · 602
Xavier Apr 2016
Raging on my thunderbolt
Flying through dreamy clouds
And with drunken eyes
I scream aloud
"All you've given me is lies"
Fly close to the sun
Live this life of luxury
It's never ever forever fun
Unread love letters
You're my mind's main header
In glamorous flames
I fall to earth
Wrecking trees & I witness
My birth
Gently murdering silently
Telling in high vocals
Swiftly pass through
To your heart's face.
Keep an open mind.
Apr 2016 · 367
Xavier Apr 2016
Slow oceans
emotionless emotions
never alone
but alone all the time
a body of glass and a mind of steel
feels it wont last
looking to make a ****
door less rooms
windowless homes
open sky like open minds
endless lines like the desert in my head
sacred heart shaped temple
surrounded, guarded by golden ideas
dry my mouth with your words
everything goes unheard
silent like poetry
heavy like the soultry sound
outlandish, out of bound.
Apr 2016 · 341
Xavier Apr 2016
I sit here silent and solid,
In my armor of glass .
You with your strongest gun,
Aiming and ready to blast.
Empty faces and cold places.
Buses and trains through sun shine and rain.
My feelings like a hurricane deep with in,
Deformation of constant reality.
I see my way in eyes of damage,
Your stare is silent cruelty.
You claw your way into me.
I've been here, but never this far.
Sitting on the curb watching feet and cars,
I'm a stranger in my own home,
A beginner to my own game.
Apr 2016 · 250
Teach Me
Xavier Apr 2016
The days are growing short, shorter in time.
Caught in the tragedy that is my mind.
As cliche as it sounds, sometimes
I'm so over whelmed I wish I could drown.
Drown out the sound, all my feelings, and just be numb.
The more I feel, the more I set myself for disappointment, hurt.
You can say I'm dumb but with this heart I wish to take no part in life.
I'm too vulnerable, weak, and unbalanced.
I'll fall over warm words and crack like an egg shell.
I want to be adored, I want to be taught.
Apr 2016 · 321
Garde Moi
Xavier Apr 2016
Here I stand, there I lay
Never safe, always by value of face
I'm only living for the day
Leave me without a trace

Weak like old bones
Sunk into the gap in my chest
I'm always always alone
My heart gets no rest

We walked in cities and along shores
I stuck to you instantly
Brush me off, you can't do us anymore
Now we wonder separate, distantly

Deep in a sinkhole of my thoughts
I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't sleep  
All I can do is suffer and rot
I whisper from the bottom of my soul "Choose me to keep".
Mar 2016 · 297
Xavier Mar 2016
Sometimes I slip into old songs that take me back to genuine memories.
I watch them play out like my favorite parts of a movie, and hit rewind so much they fade away.
In those few seconds, in those moments, I was one hundred percent okay. I was living when I was okay.
I was okay when I woke up to a bowl of cereal and cartoons.
I was more than okay playing outside while paying no attention to the sun as it crept below the horizon.

My new shoes use to make me jump higher and run faster.
I felt invincible wearing my homemade cape inside my castle made of cardboard boxes.
I was anyone I wanted to be.

My shoes get me to where I need to be.
I feel so vulnerable and weak trying to balance everything.
Constantly packing my belongings into cardboard boxes.
I am not the person I want to be, or thought I'd be.
Mar 2015 · 804
Life Is Free
Xavier Mar 2015
I never saved for anything in my life,
Sold my soul to protect me from the cold.
Pocket change, trying to rearrange my path.
I lay down deep and hold my breath in the tub, I can't even afford death.
I walk along side buses and trains to get where I should of been in my brain an hour ago.
This is no roller coaster, but a steady decent below.

If I had a nickel for every time life kicked me in the ribs while I was down, I tell you man I'd be rich, rich, rich. Rich enough to keep my soul, light my path and let you know life is free.
It's not easy, It's not free.
Mar 2015 · 444
More is Less
Xavier Mar 2015
I don't think about you anymore, but I don't think about you any less.
We all have that person.
Mar 2015 · 424
In Grand Park
Xavier Mar 2015
I'm going backwards in the race with you.
Faster than I'd ever thought true.
I can keep pace, My life had no taste.
Then I met you, So don't pretend.
This magnetism has pulled, The lights are all dim.
In front of Grand Park down to Sunken City.
Watching from the Observatory and in the subway in some way, I am stuck in your teeth, Internally puzzled.
Step 1 and 2 and 3, are what I followed.
Now how do you end thee? Spend the night under the bottom of the lake of legs.
Follow you through every trail, I wish I could fix broken nails.
Everywhere, no matter where. I don't really care. I just want you there.
Mar 2015 · 905
The Fool in Bed
Xavier Mar 2015
You have those spiral eyes, Hypnotize me please.
I am your captive in the dark park.
Living off every photo, I wish I could take my words back.
Stuck within the train station while you catch the gold to somewhere old, your past, with him.

I wait all nightly day just to get thrown away like an old pair of shoes.
But I'm the hopeless kind of fool that'll try to find the pulse in you.
You leave me to drown in my sail boat of a bed stuck at sea with no paddle.

The clouds are pink like your lips now that you're ready to go off again.
In soft shades of purple leafs I seen you in full, Through my telescope I can't seem to keep you in view.
You're my Moby, I need to be lonely.

Keep my umbrella up, even in the sun, to shoot through the storm that has yet to arrive.

A hand touches my shoulder and a pair of lips grip my lips as I press in my hips, wrapping our finger tips.

Its you, I go wild like a zoo, You know I'm your fool.
I need you more than you'll ever know.
Jan 2015 · 2.5k
Evil Eye
Xavier Jan 2015
Caution you speak, I'm so sure of myself.

Low line cinema in my house.
Raiding my brain and running late for a train that doesn't even exist.
You can touch so much yet feel so little.  
It's things like this, unspoken words.
The ground beneath my feet shrinks every time we meet.
Sooner or later Imma lose it all and finally fall.
Right left up into your arm chair,
Sitting cozy with my tea.
Sort through memories and open safes with my code only in my head can you think the way I think.

In misty visions the wizard casts his spells.

In daily shadows you stay until the night time hides your evil eye.
Jan 2015 · 419
James Dean
Xavier Jan 2015
He was deathly afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him, or that it would be left open and abandoned.

I still am.
Jan 2015 · 410
And Some
Xavier Jan 2015
Some days I wish I didn't wake up.
Other nights I wish I didn't sleep.

That's when all my inner thoughts come out and creep.
I think that I over think about the way I over think. What do you think?
Jan 2015 · 325
Am I?
Xavier Jan 2015
"I promise I'll stay"  She would say.
As she slowly walked away.
Am I just suppose to just be okay?
Jan 2015 · 487
Adore Me
Xavier Jan 2015
The days are growing short, shorter in time.
Caught in the tragedy that is my mind.
As cliche as it sounds, sometimes
I'm so over whelmed I wish I could drown.
Drown out the sound, all my feelings and just be numb.
The more I feel, the more I set myself for disappointment, hurt.
You can say I'm dumb but with this heart I wish to take no part in life.
I'm too vulnerable, weak, and unbalanced.
I'll fall over warm words, and crack like egg shells.

I want to be adored, I want to be taught.
Jan 2015 · 828
So Far, So Good
Xavier Jan 2015
There's so many words pushing against my lips from inside my mouth.
The kind of words and phrases that are true in meaning but can leave the speaker bleeding in regret.
It's so soon but feels so certain like summer after spring.
Constantly up at night thinking of anything and everything in the context of you.
I'm rushing in a dimension where time almost stands still hoping to catch you before someone does.
I see your two eyes and in them there is you and there is I, hoping it remains that way.

But in the mess of all this, I stay calm. Hold your hand, wish, and let it play it's course.

So far, so good.
I sometimes wish I didn't feel anything at all in order for me to keep internal peace.
Jan 2015 · 400
8 Lines to You
Xavier Jan 2015
It's been a while since I've been here, feeling this way.
"Head over heels" some would say.
You're at the tip of my tongue.
The top of my mind.
I'm crashing hard like a wave on your shore.
Reaching for more and more.
I'm ready to explore, trial and error.
Falling fast, falling blind, I am falling without a care.
It's been a while since I've been here, feeling this way. "Head over heels" some would say.
Dec 2014 · 727
Ticket For One
Xavier Dec 2014
I'd rather think of you with my eyes closed.
The images play back in my late night cinema of a mind.
Your colors fade but the feeling remains the same.
A sold out show every night, but just one patron.

Sometimes all you really have of a person is those vivid memories that are triggered by anything as simple a smell, a sound, a word. Then boom, you're back in that moment remembering things like they're happening right now.
Dec 2014 · 1.2k
Friend Zone
Xavier Dec 2014
I wanted you before I even knew who you were
You made me weak and took me to new highs
I ran for you before I could walk
You were the truth before I could comprehend lies
I listened to you even though I couldn't hear you
You became an addiction, so I chased my dragon
I kept your secrets as you kept mine
We will be more than friends, less than lovers, till the end of time.
Dec 2014 · 595
Xavier Dec 2014
The moon is awake and you never will be
I lost the most important piece of me
In the lowest point of feeling
I know I have to keep pushing
There is no song or lyric
Nothing can cure it

In a world so populated
I sit here with myself
And I won’t lie, I’m more afraid to cry
Who’s gonna wipe my tears

I wait for the call that’s never calling
The letter that can’t be sent
You were my lover, more than a friend
Yesterday I could of sworn I would hold you until the end

Why did you go, why did you leave
Without me…
I’m here, you’re not even there, not anymore
But pouring out of my soul

I've been cheated
I've been robbed
Dec 2014 · 696
Xavier Dec 2014
I find it amazing.

I find it amazing how you can fall for someone.
How you allow, to some extent, someone to be part of you.

The more time you spend together never adds up to enough.
You catch yourself thinking about them, even when you’re not
Start to find yourself using their phrases like they’re your own.
You notice the way their eyes squint and their forehead wrinkles when they laugh really hard with you.

Their hands seem to be made perfectly for yours, the contours compliment one another to a perfect fit.
They are your definition of warmth and perfection.
No matter how hard you fight it, you can’t beat it.
Their magnetic like pull to your weak iron heart.

They some how get inside and passed every wall and trap you put up and set.
Like a thief they creep in unnoticed and go straight for the masterpiece hanging in your chest.

To be in love.
You give that person the power to destroy you. Annihilate you.
You’re not sure what they will do but you think it would be a privilege to be loved or destroyed by them.

It’s amazing.
Dec 2014 · 429
Naked Days
Xavier Dec 2014
The days are naked
The days are done
I am the vampire, asleep at dawn
You are the ...pawn

I’ll beat the angels who flirt
I wanted to end you
I’ll drown the saints
I wanted to befriend you

I drew you back inside my eyes
I sink in my thoughts
Too many flaws, you swim to his shore
I swim to the bottom of my lake of lies
Seems to be the only place I can hide

I’ll beat the angels who flirt
I wanted to end you
I’ll drown the saints
I wanted to befriend you
Dec 2014 · 32.2k
Star of Stars
Xavier Dec 2014
In crowds of shade,
In the place near the start.
There is only one face.

And she said with her last ounces of blood dripping from her face, with the last gasps of air she will ever know…

“There is a moon, there is a sun, and there are the stars. You were the moon among stars, I was the sun chasing you around the world.”

The words poured out like my tears as I held her closer turning her chin so I can stare into her fading eyes...

“I may have been with all those stars, but they’re all the same. They burn out fast, so it won’t last. You were the star of stars, and I was chasing you around the world.”

I watched the glow from her face leave as it walked off with my sanity. I pulled her in closer, tightly, with all my might.
I was hoping I would be able to hold her so tight that she would become apart of me.
Dec 2014 · 376
Xavier Dec 2014
I’m in your zone.

Even in the company of others,
I stand alone.
Gasping and grasping for a sliver of you.

You were in my veins, in my thoughts, and you were my actions.
I lay down at night, with immortal fright.
Too afraid to turn off the light.

I stare in the mirror, so cliche.
You hit me to the ground using only your lips.
Just to pick me up and let me stumble back down.
Dec 2014 · 341
Xavier Dec 2014
I’ve been here a thousand times before
I know every step and every mile
They said not to open that door
Now I’m here and my heart is on trial

You shot me low from behind
My absence of youth took yours too
Now my finger is on yours on the trigger of my own demise

I use to believe in fairy tales
And I use to be sacred of the dark
I spend my late hours at the park
Caught in the spider’s web

You can teach me how and I’ll still ask why
I do everything twice
Dec 2014 · 493
My Light
Xavier Dec 2014
You crossed my mind,
Did it ever occur to you?

I swim deep into tears and memory.
In the caves of my heart there's a light
Her name is…

She is the lighthouse along my shore
The one that brings me home
And in my most oblivious of fits
Even after I hit far below rock bottom
She pulls me up and gives me her breathe

You run deep, into my forest
far far far into my web of lies.
Like the spider, I hide from light.
Then I strike.
Dec 2014 · 1.9k
Dawn of mind
Xavier Dec 2014
Sleepy creatures come out at night.
The same time you and your emotions fight.
It's never easy, never was, has been, or will be.
Turn off the light, lay with me.
I'll be the air you breath, the life you need.
Behind closed eyes my mind, my mind, my mind.

— The End —