I could no longer breathe
The air inside our room
I could no longer stand
His deep sleep
With my deep eyes

The pillow was sipping my salty tears
And my organs were begging to leave
But I don’t know what to do
Because my body was too cold
I don’t have a hand to hold
And my story could never be told

He said he didn’t want a girl
Who couldn’t take care of herself
He said I was “messed up”,
A “psychotic *******”
But I knew I really loved him
Because I didn’t hate him
After spitting those words to me
While I was down in the dump
And had no one to run to

He never saw
That I loved every part of him
Every emotion, every inch of his skin
Every part that I have yet to know
But now I know
That he only loves me when I’m happy

I don’t know how he could sleep
While watching me swim in my tears
But I can tell you that he still loves me
Because I heard him said he’s sorry
But then he yelled again

He said he didn’t want to hear me cry
For a second I thought it was sweet
And he yelled and yelled
And told me to leave
But he was the one who left
So I have no where to go
For the place I call home
Asked me to leave him alone

beginnings are ideally beautiful
but we didn't have one
so i carried it with me
letting it crawl on my veins
my heart and in my brain
while he holds my burning hand
kisses my burning cheeks
and carrying my white bones

he stayed, when i left him
over and over
he tried when i gave up
over and over
still i thought,
that maybe
he does not love me at all

until i recognized
my silly brain
my silly thoughts
and silly fears

he does love me
but my brain
created the catastrophes
and embellished
the tremblings
in my heart

but he was there
holding me tightly
calming the storms
in my deadly brain
whispering
that he will stay

why should i leave
this boy who tried
over a battle my brain created
and a problem
i never solved

until i told my silly brain
to start a new beginning
with the boy
who tried again
because true love belongs
to those who never failed
to try again
and again
and again

may i ask? since when did you not like here
and since when did you cry on a new year
didn't we swear to always bury our feet
until the skirmishes of the day descends?

you saw all our pipe dreams and hopes
even under the darkest sky and the cold weather
but why have you lost them under the blinding rays?

our world was only of the sweetest scent
was only of the most beautiful sunlight
and was only of the kindest critters and souls.

they left and they were meant to
may it be in this lifetime or not
it's not anyone's fault
and no one deserves the blame.

should you not drown yourself
in the salt water, where it doesn't belong
instead face up the sky
until the storm calms
and the sun comes
and we shall repeat
until our time comes

i wonder how old you look now
or if you are finally happy
i also wonder where you are
and would you hear me when i say sorry?

sorry when i said yes when you said no
sorry when i didn't answer your call
sorry when you told me come home
and i didn't

now all i want is for you to say no
for you to call
for you to tell me to come home
and i would

silly how we take the small hours for granted
silly how we think we have a lot of time
and silly how we think they would stay

our books taught too much of it
until we inhaled its black outline
and let them sink in our young minds
until we get old

we believed it was made
out of high mountains
crisp white snow, where there
it was never too hot or too cold
where there, nothing is too dark
or too bright

magic in our young eyes has no paradox
only paradise, where we dwell
and hoped to dwell

until we got old
where the back of our old eyes
smelled the reek of our magic
where the light could get too dark
and the weather could get too cold

but still i found sunlight and warmth
in your eyes
then our old minds realized
that this is real magic

should i be angry at God
for all the fractures in my bones
or do i look for anyone to blame
when i thought our world
smelled only of lavander

we appear only to feel home
to feel heaven in someone else's soul
and forget we're of the earth
forget that there will be more damage
even more catastrophic than the other

and we adore another soul
as if our skins were never burned
but we try to love them deeper
and end up in the salt mines

sometimes i wish i wasn't here
under the white sheets
soiled in salt water
seeing the emptiness
of this world
beside someone you truly love
hearing him sleep soundly
while you sleep
with a broken heart

there would be days
that i would forget
how we met
and why we met

there would be days
that i wouldn't understand
what i should understand

there would be days
that i would be too blind
to see what i should see

and there would be days
that i wouldn't be
what i should be

but, i hope you would
when i couldn't