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Memphis Jun 2019
behind my friends bathroom mirror
is a helping hand

A blue pill a white pill in two orange bottles

whisper

“we will help
we will bring you closer to

the clouds

let us shut your eyelids
forever

you don’t have to wakeup anymore”


how do I say no to bliss?
let me decompose


I’m ready to be with the stars
Memphis Jan 2019
loving him was a new beginning
the happiness i longed for
the love i had always wanted
the highs i had never reached

losing touch with reality is bliss
but the sky slowly cracks with every
second you leave this earth

loving him taught me
how not to feel
and for a flicker of time in all of eternity

i thought i knew it all

but now my sky has fallen
waves of murky blue rage violently around me
and i reminise to when

i pretended the cracks weren't there
now i float on an endless sea

there are no cracks anymore
there is only nothing and me
  Jan 2019 Memphis
Janelle Tanguin
i.

I intentionally failed to wish you
a happy birthday this year,
though I know significant dates,
hours, moments, people,
by heart.
I still search for you in boys
I mistake for bandages,
the ones with eyes almost
the same shade of your hazels,
lips resounding your laughter,
resembling a wisp of your smile,
But they aren't you.

ii.

Sometimes I pretend you're dead,
because it's less painful
to stop reaching out into voids.

iii.

My mom still blames you
for everything that preceded that year.
Though you probably had no idea what happened
when we stopped talking altogether.
Can you believe it's almost been three years?

iv.

My dad wonders who was my 'one that got away'
Though, I'm pretty sure he knows
it's you.

v.

Remember how I mentioned Sylvia Plath?
How most everything she wrote
brimmed with melancholy?
How I loved every single word?
Especially that piece
where she talked about expectations
and disappointments.
You'll never know that
up to this day I still think
people are selfish enough to
always, eventually turn into the latter.
Even you.

vi.

It's sad I never got the chance
to tell you about Ted.
How she loved him so much,
she just had to dive headfirst
into the flames-- burning herself,
what was left of her--
after she found out
he never really loved her
the same way
she loved him
in the first place.

vii.

truth is,
some of us
never learn to accept
the love we think we deserve.


viii.

I don't know if you still read my poems
or if you still think about me,
about us, sometimes.
Every time you fall asleep past eleven,
a part of me hopes you do.
because I always remember you--
in birthday candles, red ribbons,
off-tune voice records, golden arches,
concrete sidewalks, pedestrian lanes,
the last flickers of city lights
softly fading out of the blue.
I remember you
in everything, in everywhere,
in everyone.
It's useless, no matter how much I try to forget.
No matter how much I just want to forget.
I want to forget.

But, how could I?

When forgetting means forsaking
the very memory of you.
Memphis Jan 2019
it
there is a magical man
who lives down the street
he has many names
and it would be rather unjust to refer to him by only one

somedays he sits in my brain and rearranges
it feels good to have my file cabinets emptied every
once in awhile

after he sits outside my window and watches and waits
for an invitation back in

the most peculiar thing is his appearance
he is lovely,
eyes of the darkest dead star
perfect white teeth behind blue lips

i couldn't help but wonder
what would become of a conversation with him
so i invited him to tea

since that day
we have come to know each other very well
his eyes are darker than they were before

probably because my light that shone upon them is dwindling
i am running out of time
i apologize, but it is time to see him again
and now my mind and i must go
Memphis Jan 2019
dusty white bars rule my life
i am a simple peasant
who was destined
to be a great and beautiful queen
to touch a rose bud and watch it bloom into
a red found only in the purest of hearts

a few months ago i saw some of my blood
oozing out of the imperfect forearm of a fallen royal

harsh lines of magical evil
talk to me as the days melt away
the screams are so loud now that

i live in the void
here there is nothing

i once had a crown
waiting for me
a glimpse of otherworldy sunshine

but tonight the sky is black
i am starting to think my blood is too
soon i will peel back my skin and see
Memphis Nov 2018
white sticky substance
that takes you so high up

you can see everything from above
except how far you'll fall
Memphis Nov 2018
the absence of you
hits like ecstasy

in the lake of my tar-black pupils
you can see the regret

my teeth chatter loudly
but you can still hear the sound of goodbye

right before the crash
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