Sometimes I think of killing myself How the end would be so nice How the darkness would swallow me up And how the numbness would suffice My need
For all the voices of the feelings That constantly keep me reeling To softly slow to a hush As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush
How wonderful it would be To have that powerful silence Not even grasshoppers would bother To wake me
My cells would stop dividing My brain would stop the lying Myself would stop denying What I truly want
But but but This is just a reckless fantasy A way to elude one’s own reality
Because as I sit here on the floor Tears drip drip dropping I realize there’s those who care for me more Cherish me more Love me more Than I love my own self
Sometimes I wish I was a cow Blessed with ignorance Unaware of sorrow Of anger Of violence Of remorse Sometimes I wish I was a dog Incapable of rage Forgiving to a fault Free from the burden of regret Sometimes I wish I wasn’t at all.
I try to keep my head buried In the sand of my work I try to keep my eyes focused On the next finish line I try to keep my hands away From their idle ways Because it's becoming crystal clear, That this Thanksgiving Is just not the same The dining room will be empty The hallways will be empty I have already given my all And my thanks have already run dry