Alexis K

Alexis K Aug 2021

I am working so hard.
I know I'm doing enough.
Everyone's impressed that I'm doing well.
There's no way I won't make it.

A 6.5 will get me in.
I have a 6.71.
Trying so hard, and doing so much.
Oh look, I didn't make the cut.

Denied.
Rejected.
Failed.
I guess I am not good enough.

After so much work I want to give up.
My heart, my soul, my life, and even mental health were sacrificed.
Just so I can be told it wasn't enough.
Can I just give up if I am not enough?
If I do my best, and I make the deadlines and meet requirements,
Why in the world are you telling me:
"Not Good Enough."?

Alexis K Aug 2021

Tired

I wish I could tell you,
Just how tired I am.
But the word tired is not strong enough.
Exhaustion would make it sound as if I had been running marathons.
Yet even sitting in my room all day,
I am exhausted by noon.

The moment I awake in the morning
With the sun rising, the warmth on my skin
and butterflies flying, birds chirping away the day.
As soon as I open my eyes to the trees in view,
I am tired again.

I can sleep all night and never make a sound.
I could sleep like a rock, and still.
I am so tired.

I am tired when I am alone
and I am drained when I am not.
I am tired of fighting myself all day long.
I am tired of being tired.

Even though I want to say hello,
I am too tired to engage.
I am too tired to stand up for myself,
or interject to correct.
I am sorry my being tired gets in the way.

It gets in the way every single day.

#depression #tired #exhaustion

Alexis K Aug 2021

Not Trying Enough

I know you're trying,
But your trying hurts just as much.

Alexis K Jul 2021

Tired

I'm tired, I say.
But didn't you say you were depressed?
Why yes, I am depressed.
But more than that I am tired.
Tired because I have been so depressed for so long.
Long enough that it took death for you to understand my level of depression.
I'm tired of being sad and disappointing.
I'm tired of feeling sluggish and not caring.
I can no longer cry because I'm so tired.
And I am tired of being tired

Alexis K Jul 2021

Untitled

I am ready to sleep now.
It been a long day.
I can not longer stay awake.
As I close my eyes tonight,
I feel at peace. It would be the best sleep ever.
But I did not know it would be eternal.

Alexis K Jun 2021

Away

"I would never miss your wedding!"
Too bad it wasn't your choice to make.
If only we had it earlier today.
Before you had been taken away.

Alexis K Jun 2021

Beautiful Morning

It's a beautiful morning.
"But it's been raining most of it."
It's a beautiful sunny day.
"But I have news that will ruin today."

A mother ripped from her infant, and three other young children.
A mother who will never get to see her children get married or graduate.
A mother who had fought and won battles her entire life.
Finally lost.

It's a beautiful morning to send her on her way.
Now, instead of rain, family tears will pave the way.

#loss #beautiful #rain #death