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4.0k · Jan 2014
If I go back to December
i would sit in that chair again
tell you all the things playing inside my mind
the doubts, worries and most of all
the premonition that it was going to be the last time
we'd ever talk face to face...


if i go back to december...

i would take each day in a slow-mo
hold your hand a little longer,
tell you more about my feelings, and most of all
realize it was already my last chance
to let you know, face to face

if i go back to december...

i would ask you to be brave
to not worry about letting me down easy
tell you the best way is to be real, and most of all
convince you it was better to take the last straw
than drag it and hide from each other's face


if i go back to december...

i won't give room to hope
or bet the distance won't change anything
won't even try to save what was already slipping away
coz deep down i knew, we won't be there
to close this chapter face to face

if i go back to december...

i would be braver and stronger
to tell you my goodbye and not worry
won't hesitate to let go of your arms and most of all,
won't linger on that embrace though it was the last one...
coz now i know, the whole thing wasn't worth any of my time


**Beyond that one december...
2.1k · Jan 2014
Risk
They say, if you know how to do the wrong things the right way,
Dare...

They say if you want to enter a dark cave you've never been to before,
And that you believe within yourself you could come out alive,
Dare...

They say if you can take pleasure living with illusion
Then Dare to forget reality for a while
That if you know how to wake up before you fully get hypnotized..
Dare...
Enjoy while the moment lasts...

They say if you love the thrills and adventure,
Play with your life and skydive ten thousand feet without pulling your parachute
Or play around, you can cheat death..
Dare...

For life is about taking risks, living by the edge
And last minute change-gear boosts the adrenaline,
You Only Live Once,  they all say...

But should I dare just because it worked for them?
Should I choose the obscure over what's clearly seen ahead of me?
Should I be scared of their taunts, their laughs over my weakness?
Just because I refuse to join them at the danger zone?

Risks to some is an advantage, an opportunity
They dare with life, i surely admire the guts!
But for me, it's a big dispute, I think I'll pass...
For whether I'd want to try or taste the dope,
Behind there's a bigger matter that is involved...

**And that's something no dare is worth the risk...  
1.5k · Jan 2014
Nostalgia 101
There'll be times when you feel like the road you're walking on
takes you back to an ocean of your Unsaid words...
and while there, a giant wave of nostalgia drowns you
In the form of 'could've-beens',  'would've-beens'  and  'should've beens'...
They're the sharks. Real killers!


Splash of regrets, ripples of anguish,
and the strong current of resentment
toss you around in a nauseating surge.

You float aimlessly, swirling, disoriented
while admiring the beauty of delusion.
But it suffocates you and before you realize it,
you've gone too far to swim away from the whirlpool...
and as you swim with all your might,
the body of water turns into a quicksand..
slowly devours the 'you' who has learned to live in the present,
Disillusioned.

Have you not already made your choice?
Have you not stopped the fight long before?
Have you not let it go?
When you had your chance...
When you could've turned things around
''Speak now...or forever hold your peace...''

You picked the latter.
Live with it, idiot!
1.4k · Jan 2014
the road back to you is...
The road back to you is full of thorns
every step is a pierce through my skin
soles bleed from the sharp edges of my agony
wounds that time hasn't healed yet
and its pus cry out 'for how long?'

The road back to you is full of thorns
and I am still made of eggshells
crushed each time i roll back in
which is why this road is a road
that i should travel back no more

The road back to you is full of thorns
but it calls me even with memories i no longer welcome
my footsteps can lead to many other roads
but your arrow is a test of how much I've recovered
and so I go...

The road back to you is full of thorns*
but i know one day the thorns will hurt me no more
and your familiar signs could lure me no more..
with my new compass, thanks but, No thanks!

No longer barefoot, no longer on foot
[Recalculating... Turn right]
a road that my GPS system won't even recognize
because the road back to you is full of thorns

Abandoned, Uninhabited, Untraceable

In fact, it's a road no More...
1.2k · Jan 2014
My Broken Clock
I miss the 'waiting' you used to make me do.
It used to be my favorite thing to do.
Yes, especially when you were late, or so late I can even forget I did nothing but just wait for you.

I miss the times we were sending SMS's
when I waited, sending tens of messages before you can reply a one-liner.
I also miss those feelings I had when you don't answer your phone,
when I try to call you numerous times...and all i hear is the annoying ring
to let me know you are reachable but just not bothering..
the ones I ended up waiting until the entire day ended,
And had to wait again to hear your sweetest apology that have always worked.

It's crazy, but I loved that waiting until you come home.
When you used to tell me to wait for a few minutes, but ended up waiting for an hour more.
Weren't this the very thing I used to do too, when you were still asking me out?
I guess you turned the table, and how I didn't mind about that because I was already there,
Revolving around you.

Time wasn't precious spending them to wait for you for lunch, wait for you for dinner, even wait for you to know I was waiting.
But seeing you finally come, I remember the feeling of gladness waiting brings!
It's like the feeling you have when you experience a miracle when you don't even deserve it.

Yes, I miss being the one waiting for you,
and the times I felt that I was just the only one waiting for you.
Thought all those waiting I did, weren't a waste, but rather,
A training ground for my upcoming occupation..
So optimistic of me..
I've always thought they'd prepare me to face the biggest wait in the history of loving you.
The wait that you'd finally choose me.

But you Didn't.
The funny thing is, there's Still a strong drive inside of me now that pushes me to wait even more...
Wait to prove my doubt right or wrong.
How long would that be then? I don't know.
This whole 'loving you' thing is so powerful it could steal my time.
It doesn't seem to see that time flies.
It doesn't seem to feel the overtime and no alarm sound would seem to wake it up.
so it moves on...
1.1k · Jan 2018
Once Again, Repeat.
You have had your heart broken more than once,
Just as you have had fallen in love more than once...
And even when it's very likely that the cycle will repeat itself
Sometime in the future,
Remember that what can break a heart can fix it
And what goes through a painful ending can go back
To a beautiful beginning.

And whether you've given up on love
Learned to re-define love in a less dramatic way
Or looked at relationships in a more realistic way,
Debunked Maslow's hierarchy of needs by putting love at the tip of the triangle;
And when you watch those soppy movies you pretend to just laugh at how the cheesiness can never work in the real world!

The truth is that, there is always....always
A soft side of you willing to unleash itself,
To take the leap of faith.
To love boldly.

When and if only true love gives you that moment.
815 · Jul 2015
Said I love you....
But I'm not giving you my heart
I take the blame for the feelings I caught
We'll never be...
No it's just not a feasible reality


I was falling but you weren't
I didn't ask you to catch me
I fly and flap my wings
For into the wind the feelings will vanish

Said I love you
But never asked you to love me back
Didn't beg, regardless it's real, it's also difficult
Didn't long for the two-way street

Reciprocation is out of question
Offer's off the table, no risk, no bet
Never laid anything on it to begin with
Hold myself responsible, it's my heart

The feelings are mine, and mine to handle
You don't do anything,
Coz I won't do anything
Stay right where you are, I've a path to follow

Just letting you know,
Letting you see, leaving you be
And Letting you go...
To the arms where you rightfully belong
778 · Jan 2014
Where is the Red light?
my love for you so far is like a journey..
a long drive down the country road without signs..
no place to name, no destination yet, to go for a rest.
i've been driving a thousand miles, for a hundred days..
and still can drive some more...
the road is endless, the weather's changing i know..
my wheels are old and torn, yet no sharp edge can blow them off.

i've been to the crossroads where your mind cannot choose me..
it's the scariest place on earth i've ever known..
to find you finding me, but looking somewhere else..
you gotta stop the U-turn and follow the No left turn..
because my headlights are calling you, i'm just straight ahead..
i ain't gonna pull over, i ain't gonna stop...
my love sees no red light....
it will keep running, i will keep driving...
i mean no chase...but in my heart , it's you i cannot erase..
725 · Jan 2014
Deployment
As you sail away today,
my heart is in dismay

thoughts of you rush like waves in the sea.
my eyes close, i feel the warm breeze around me
i wish your arms wrap me before you go..
you know our time apart is my only foe!

As you sail away today,
i'd start counting every single day

as the blades spin around you move forward
I know you're worth the wait, i'll have my reward
Sun shines, sun sets, each one brings me closer
To the time when missing you is finally over


As you sail away today
i'd sing a song and pray

i'd blow kisses in the winds to reach you..
i'd sit like a log and wait for you...
for you left me a promise my dear so clear
may you'll answer my heart's only whisper

*As you sail away today...
604 · Jan 2014
Until You Say...
It's been a while since she's been quite
Since the time you cut her off the fight
When you didn't let her say her nice goodbyes
And maybe you thought time would just let her fly
And the love she had would soon burn-out
Thought ignoring her would shut her heart's shout-out
But until you tell her you're not worth it
She'll always have your name all written in post-its


Though you're away and gone by the wind
Not a word or say or sign, left the girl behind
She'll still keep the hope and faith inside
That one day you'll come back splashing like the tide
Whether it's high or low, she'll sit by the shore
Sunrise to sunset until she finds out for sure
But until you say you'd want her no more
Her love would just lay there like sands forever more

It's been a while since you've been quite
And though she's silenced, not showing her fright
She longs to know the truth inside your heart
What she means, what she meant when you were apart
Her dreams and thoughts of you she cannot resist
Building her world around you, she'll never stop to insist
But until you say, to you she no longer exist
You'll have her hoping and dreams always persist

Tell her what's real and final score
Tell her enough, get up from the floor
Tell her you're happy and don't need her care
Tell her you don't love her, at least be fair
Tell her she was just and would remain a case
A girl whom you'd rather want without a face
Coz until you smash all her pain once and for all
*You are never setting her heart free from your soul....
517 · Jun 2015
Vertigo
Not only once or twice
We’ve been this crossroads of
not knowing what we are
Or maybe we do but why the forwards and backwards?
Baby are you not feeling the motion?

Don’t know if I can still take..
The hot and cold ,in or out, the yes and no
There’s a seed of misery that’s about to sprout
panic attack , ready hang on!
Timelapse, I feel like throwing up

Or is it just me?

You turn me around and around
This carousel of feelings you put me through
My world is spinning, there is no stopping
Time lapse I feel like throwing up

Or is it just me?

Wipe my sick before tears starts coming out
This game is making me dizzy
I need a pill or maybe just your word
Should we throw a dice, and lay all the cards now?

Is it just me? Do you feel it too?
Swirling, whirling, what about my heartbeat?
This wasn’t the case when we first met,
Your stares set me onto a non-stop twirl
And baby this ride ain’t fun anymore.

Don’t know if I can still take..
The hot and cold ,in or out, the yes and no
There’s a seed of misery that’s about to sprout
panic attack, ready hang on!
Timelapse, I feel like throwing up

Or is it just me?

You turn me around and around
This carousel of feelings you put me through
My world is spinning, there is no stopping
Time lapse I feel like throwing up

throwing up ..throwing up..

your love's a hurricane.....
we could've had it all back then
we could've enjoyed every single moment we were together
Knowing it would never happen again
we could've just chilled instead of getting all worked up
over things that would never happen anyway
we could've made those nights full of love
those arguments that shouldn't have been given room for
the debates that were indeed so unnecessary

if only we never talked about the future

we could've saved ourselves from all the nasty feelings
the tug of war, the clashes between our beliefs
the twist and turns of our conflicting views

if  only we never talked about the future

then maybe that nothing could have been something..
that we are both happy to reminisce about
knowing we didn't lead each other on
knowing there was never going to be 'us' in the future

knowing that time was our only time
then we could've loved us the best way we could possible

instead of arguing about the hows, wheres, and whys
instead of getting so consumed over the
what ifs and what it should be
or how it should be

if only we never talked about the future
then today, we would have been still friends...
456 · May 2014
The Silent Prayer
This drop in the ocean
I want to put into words,
Hope the wind will listen
As it carries them to the sky…

My silent prayer, only the heart can utter
For the events can’t be undone
Even a miracle can’t turn them around
You have moved on, and have given your heart
To someone not me, she could be your ‘one’

I want to wish you well…
And pray that you be happy…
But this silent prayer contradicts the message.
You cannot be happier, not when it’s not with me.
It’s selfish, I know.. Hence the silence


But this silent prayer, is my only friend
In deaf ears may fall and work in your favor.
I’d still want to whisper and hope you’ll realize..
That in her arms, you will still remember me
And in her laugh, it’s my face you see…

I say you look good together…
Tell everyone, you are better off with her.
Your dreams will come true; with her there are no barricades
But hypocrisy is my craft, you don’t have to know
That in my silent prayer, I am your loving traitor
Betraying the joy you want, wanting that joy to be with me

In silent prayer I can be selfish, envious and jealous
That in someone else’s love, you found solace.
My Hearer may just understand, I hope He will
Or punishment I’ll bear for as long as my heart longs
For you…the one person
My silent prayer’s only subject.
the crazy things you do for love....
the funny things you say when you're in-love...

the stupid things you create for love...
the enemies you conquer with love?
the friends you lose for love...

the stuffs you buy for love...
the stuffs you sell for love...
the treasures you bargain for love...

the things you give up for love...
the things you gain from love...

the new you because of love...
...and what you become when you lose that love...

and what you will be when you find love..
  **Again...
369 · Jun 2015
New World
been happening too frequently
lately, 
when i close my eyes and then i see
a new beginning of you and me
it's not the usual home we had
you remember we were the ones you call home

Sunrays, porch, smell of coffee
breeze blowin' , birds chirpin', picture perfect
a beautiful lake, our names you call without fail
No one's missing, a portrait we only had a few
in the here and now, only your memories remain...

i used to fear the dreams about you
because the end of it is a painful sorrow
lately when i close my eyes and then i see
these new memories i now hold dear

there is a world out there
where our times are endless, smiles too many
laughter's no longer a medicine
but a way of life we can embrace
future reality blends in with dreams
and it's all i can have for now

holding back the tears till the day comes
i will love the nights and lullabye
for i no longer face tomorrow with sorrow

'coz the next day, and yes the next day
might just be the day for these dreams to come true....
341 · Jan 2014
48 hours after
my dear, why would you not talk to me
about us, about where 
we'd­ take this now
is it really over, or
 do u just need time
do you ­still need me
or do you just want
 to forget it.

my dear, why am­ i the only one thinking
about us, about how we fix this now
are ­we really done, or do you just want to breathe?
do you still love­ me
or do you not want to care?

i know that it's been so difficu­lt
we've been through a lot of storms
but darling, i didn't mean ­to give up
when it comes to us, i'd always want to work it out
i ­thought you'd do the same, always will give us a chance

baby, i've not been so perfect
but my love is all i can show off
this h­eart of mine belongs to you
and even when you still want to go..
­i wish you'd give us a chance...

let's make this work..again..
c­oz i love you just the same...
325 · Nov 2014
Fear
Of change, of freedom, of being different
Of trying again, of losing and of what’s not permanent

Of breaking the rules, of crushing the taboo
Of creating a ripple, of invading the status quo

Of resisting lures of fantasy, of facing the ugly reality
Of switching, of stepping out to the unknown
Of endings, of starting over … on your own

Of struggles, of risks, of gamble
Of the obscure, the unsure and of failure
Of loving, of being loved and of losing

Of dreaming big, of fame, of compliments
Of connection, and yet of solitude

Of having to let go, of having to do it again
Of being brave, of being fearless

Of the past,
Of the present,
Of the future
There will come a day
When the ruins of your heart
Will be revisited and admired

A time when your beauty
Is seen in what remains
And especially a time,
When all your strengths are gathered
So that you are not only healed...

Rebuilt

— The End —