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caity 4d
When we discuss love
We don’t tend to talk
about the way it creeps up on you.

how it went from trying to remember your brother’s names to “will they be coming too?”

It starts the same, but just a little different. There’s just that little more fun. That smile that creases around your eyes that little bit more.

And while moments are exhilarating and freeing, we still hold back slightly.

Till that moment.

Hit like lightning. Realizing all you’ve ever wanted is sitting in front of you with their knees tucked up gazing at a movie you knew they’d like.

But the way the lightning crackles inside you, reverberating through every cell to let you know the depth of this realization and the fizzle of lichtenberg figures as that love is etched into your skin.

It’s seeing the bits of life that are trivial, but looking forward to every second because it’s with them.

And it’s knowing they could walk away at any second.
But knowing it’ll be okay.
Because you’ll have gotten to experience, that one of a kind struck by lightning moment.
and proudly carry those scars for the rest of your days.
Dec 2021 · 53
communication
caity Dec 2021
“oh it’s touch and go, you know”

now I understand why I hated tag.
Dec 2021 · 127
Caverns
caity Dec 2021
the acknowledgement of needing more
has a cavern
with depth like grief
and vastness like fear
and stepping outside the door of lacklustre
is terrifying
but the peace of more reaches further than the deep and vast cavern could ever stretch to
Leaving them behind
Dec 2021 · 22
the little nothings
caity Dec 2021
As I wrote symphonies on your lips
And the sunlight played it in stride
time took a breath
and we we’re left to acknowledge
the way my hands felt on your chest
And yours on my back
drawing little nothing, utterly content
to rest in the breath time took
and murmur all the words the greatest lovers never got to whisper
while your green eyes shone
looking at me
green eyes, sleepy mornings, and undiluted bliss
Dec 2021 · 39
04/19/19
caity Dec 2021
days used to fly by
and maybe it terrified me
maybe because he terrified me
so it was better to look for the next thing.
but
days now crawl slowly
and it makes me groan
maybe because the next thing wasn’t there
and I was left to wonder why.
Dec 2021 · 18
Easiness
caity Dec 2021
The ease in your morning breaths was everything to me
Because for once
I was no longer focused on the evening schedule or the afternoon chores
I was focused on the sounds
I was focused on my cold toes anchored against your calf
I was focused on the taste of last night lingering in the air

The ease in your arms was everything to me
Because for once
I was no longer focused on anything but now
Dec 2021 · 23
Untitled
caity Dec 2021
There are moments in life
we all have dreamed about
The cinematic snapshots
magically capturing that feeling
In a way that the world rarely allows

It’s the present moments

and I am oh so lucky to have found one with you
Nov 2021 · 180
watch me
caity Nov 2021
Lines
    dropping
from head to toe

you watch

As my fingers
   Trace
from my neck to my left hip

dropping through a valley which releases a moan

Breath
   catching
As you watch
             happily

as i touch your favourite work of art
Nov 2021 · 44
Untitled
caity Nov 2021
sitting awake
I thought of him

of what we were

of what it was

of how it should have been.

but now
I thank god
sitting awake

instead of waking up screaming
Oct 2021 · 38
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
the rustle in the sheets
as you start to wind down
may be my favourite sound
as your head
sinks on the pillow
and I can tell
you’ve found a home
Oct 2021 · 19
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
a child’s trust

as they trust jump into your arms

could never be sweeter than anything

except maybe how you smiled at me

leaning against the doorframe

like you could see

forever
Oct 2021 · 18
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
its funny

to break for someone that is not yours
for dreams you did not have before

but i cannot spot picturing

Those little hands
as they stretched out for me

with all the trust in the world

and the way your smile
made me see
as we giggled

how there could be more
Oct 2021 · 53
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
I hate
that you say my name with such careless abandon

just so that my soul would ache

but god I love
the way you touched me

in the dark of night
just to leave me in the morning
Oct 2021 · 481
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
when I would dream
of the days to come
I never once pictured myself
really detailed
in the imagery

until now
where the details in the creases on my eyes
are plain to see
from where you kept me smiling
for all to see
Oct 2021 · 35
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
they say the eyes are the windows to the soul
I would argue
that the tables which we sit at
and the way we sit
is a far better indicator
as to how much soul someone has left to care for

because darling,
how you sit across from me
makes me wonder

whether anybody is home
Oct 2021 · 33
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
Today was a funny day
I couldn’t stop hearing that prime numbers poem in my head
Where 59 loves 60.
And it made me laugh.
Because after the third run through I was curious what you would’ve made of it.
It dulled the ache in my arms and legs as I fluttered around changing my surroundings for the sake of someone’s whim.
The rhythmic sigh of my coworkers as the plastic tore and the heels of tired people grind the ground.

I couldn’t decide whether you were 60 or 59 or maybe even 61.
April-2021
Oct 2021 · 30
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
When the sun has yet to rise
And when your eyes remain closed

and

When your breathing softens and your shoulders finally drop every fraction of tension

It is then that the shadows seem to encompass you, giving you an ethereal glow

but you remain effortlessly breathtaking

dropping my thoughts, desires, and love at the nape of your neck

before my eyes close for the night

and I am lost in the comfort of you
caity Oct 2021
as rascal serenades me
of a back to life kinda love
I can't help but giggle

because I know

I only want his hips against my own
with dishcloths in our hands
and sockless feet **** tat tat ing on the floor
with tired eyes and laughter in our throats

because I know

I was lucky enough
to get a glimpse of the kinda love

rascal wanted of life
I swear the imprints left by my toes on your dash weren't intentional
Oct 2021 · 122
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
as the room is shaking with the sounds of laughter
full of all the people
all the things
all the excitement of new experiences
all I can do is giggle
fully aware that no one knows what each of us actually is doing
as we venture into the world

but we each know
we are not alone
Oct 2021 · 35
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
you know it's real
when the songs I used to sing
are sung
with thoughts of dreams
laughs
and dances
with you
Oct 2021 · 114
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
Of all the colours
Between the deep ocean
And vast sky
Your eyes shall remain my favourite pairing
Oct 2021 · 38
the days without sun
caity Oct 2021
There are days
Where the stellar sings quieter
Whether muffled by mediocrity or sadness
no one’s sure

but they continue to sing
regardless of the love in apartment 2b
or the abuse in 3c

the stellar doth not discriminate
it’s tune drones on

even when the world seems to go all wrong

so as the day continues
so do they

till the stellar no long sings
and they sky is no longer grey
caity Oct 2021
It was the way my breath quickened

And I could hear your grin behind me

It was the way you move

Both with all the energy and sharp movements of someone still understanding their abilities

Or maybe just a kid too excited to inhibit their movements

Likely that one.

It was the quiet whispers and booming voice

Dancing to put Shakira to shame, teaching Turner a thing or two about being her man

Both the gentle touch and strong grasp

It was the way you tilt your head when no words can describe that feeling

Both the subtle changes in excitement when it’s new or something new to me

It’s the way your arms feel safe

Without any hesitancy or retaliation

But then you’ll challenge me, without hesitancy and every intention for answers

And giggles turn to moans and groans turn to chuckles and fire turns to heat and heat turns to comfort

But then a connection point must be seen

Toes are viable solutions

It’s trivia at 1am when my brain sputters but yours is whirling and I can’t help but smile at your excitement to the world and all the people in it

It’s you knowing all seven layers of hell and deciding that that one layer humanity rests its head on is worth it

It’s who you are.  

Both who you are, and the person you strive to be.
Oct 2021 · 40
Untitled
caity Oct 2021
the floorboards creak as I tiptoe around the hallway, thirsty for air.  

and I find a shelf.

not a big one, not intrusive nor flashy. but a shelf nonetheless.

and upon it, sits unique mason jars. staggered and scribbled with dates. all baggaged and packaged and wrapped up, whisked away from the world to sit on this shelf.

as my toes reached higher, my heart sank lower.

some full to the top, ready to burst. other nothing but drops.

but all dated and all saved.

I rest elbows on said shelf, pondering.

so I hunt.
for something to carry a load so heavy.

when nothing seems to do my hands reach, one at a time, traipsing into the yard with something new.

one by one I lined them together, neat, you know, in a disorganized kind of way.  

my nose crinkled and the thoughts whirled.

til my hands
reached
for the sleeves at my elbows.

pushing them higher to the sky I start to dig.
painting lines in the ground, murmuring affectionate coos to the earth that loves all.

my pockets empty of bulbs and seeds.

Hesitantly pouring

each mason watering a flower. each growing a new being into life with purpose and love.

Sitting back triumphantly as the tears forever water a garden till dry
Oct 2021 · 138
Time
caity Oct 2021
Most days I dislike the chime of the clock
It reminds me time flies away

But today I like the chime of the clock
It reminds me that I’ve had one more moment with you.
Sep 2021 · 151
Fire + Desire
caity Sep 2021
The flame licks at my toes
Prancing
Daring me to come closer
If only for a taste

Just like you
When your eyebrow raises
Where no words are spoken
But a conversation continues

And as fingertips graze
Grins become growls
And giggles turn to groans

Where gasps become grabs
And grabs become tugs

Where I love you’s are I want you’s
And I need you’s are demands

No longer are eyebrows raised
No words remain spoken

Just fire and flames
Daring us to come closer
As we taste some more
Sep 2021 · 36
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
When pillows take up the chasms that held you
My breath rocks
When tshirts take up the mantle of your scent
My fingers cling
When my form aches to curl against you
My bed quivers

When you take up to leave
My heart leaves too
Sep 2021 · 17
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
To cling to a pillow
A curious thing
In love
Anguish
Anger
Or pain
A curious thing
To cling to a pillow
Sep 2021 · 42
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
Puddles shall remain one of my favourite things
For the way you knew that they made me smile
And for the way you purposely splashed me to make me beam
Puddles shall remain one of my favourite things
But my favourite thing, my dear, is reserved for you
Sep 2021 · 36
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
In these moments
Where I crush against pillows
No longer to muffle sobs
But
To replay his touch
On my back
Where I can feel his arm
Resting underneath my head

I know
Sep 2021 · 156
The distance, to you
caity Sep 2021
There comes a moment
Where my fingertips
Can reach
No further
And
My toes
Can reach
Across the bed
No farther in your place

So I
must stay
Laying here
Where I
Can’t reach

The distance
to you
Sep 2021 · 25
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
In the quiet mornings
And the passionate evenings

I love you

In the tear soaked laughter
And the tongue stuck gnerfs

I love you

In the lazy afternoons
And echoing snores

I still love you

Because I am me
And you are you

So I will stay
Waiting for you
Sep 2021 · 39
2019
caity Sep 2021
these so called strings
these chains on me
cannot contain
the person I'd be

the chains he wrought
are not yours to carry
these chains on me

Will have me buried
Sep 2021 · 132
09
caity Sep 2021
09
Here I sit
To write
and while the clouds move
The clock chimes
And I sit here
Still trying to write of you
Sep 2021 · 30
House safe Home
caity Sep 2021
home
Sprinting of feet
Dances in place
Food placed to meet
The needs of those
Both near and far
home

House
Decorated
Exact
Collected
House

but safe
Safe is home of people
With a hearth
With heart
With laughter
And with love
but safe
is what I love the most
Sep 2021 · 314
Untitled
caity Sep 2021
Rain patters
It spatters
And sputters

it hits the ground with a welcoming groan

The earth
It parts
And makes a home for the rain

Because for even a moment the long lost lovers embrace before being separated once more
Aug 2021 · 32
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
The painter does not worry
About the sculptor being buried

The painter simply sees
That to carve a throne may be his trade
But The crown is not carved with his name

This throne and it’s duties were simply not yours to carry.

I can paint all the clouds in the sky, and I may be able to hold them too

But atlas is there for a reason

As I am here too.

So as I paint all the starry nights in the sky

And you move mountains

The sculptor must see

The rock cries too.
Aug 2021 · 33
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
Sometimes
I lay
And wonder
If liars
Are the only ones that speak truth

Sometimes
I lay
And wonder
If singers
Are the only ones who are mute

Sometimes I lay
And wonder
If I ever loved you
Aug 2021 · 24
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
The wolf sits in the corner
Waiting
As
Crumbs
Drop to ensue his survival
Waiting
For the day

The wolf sits in the corner
Waiting
For crumbs that do not fall

The wolf grows larger straying from the corner
The wolf grows smaller hiding in the corner

The wolf waits
To be fed crumbs of jealousy
Or to be starved of peace

The wolf no longer waits
Aug 2021 · 30
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
You caught me smiling and you thought it was for the world around us
in that moment,
I failed to tell you, that I was smiling for you.
Because of all the world in this earth, you are the world to me.

You asked me what made me happy
And I couldn’t sum up the words in that moment
To tell you it was how the red sun flashed across your eyes, lighting up your skin, setting your face aflame in golden light.
I couldn’t give you the colours or words
In how I loved the way the sun perfectly shaped to your face
Your nose
And your eyes

No language, no movement, no colour will ever be able to express the beauty you posses  

As You caught me smiling for you.
Aug 2021 · 38
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
As I sit
Stationary
      Crowded
        and Tired
I find myself
Running
      Freely
       and Leaping
After you
caity Aug 2021
there's something special about a kiss.

the kinda kiss where you need a second.
the kinda kiss that makes you rest in bliss.
not the two seconds of ecstasy
the two lifetimes kinda bliss.

the kind of bliss that starts when you see them smile, and then see them smile for you.

I want that kind of kiss with you.
the kinda want you now kiss
the right on the floor kiss
the kinda I'm tired but I love you kiss.

the kinda kiss that is only for you.
the kinda kiss I wanna give you
and stay
stuck
two lifetimes

or more

with you.
Aug 2021 · 34
The Absence of Molecules
caity Aug 2021
On these days
When the absence of you
Tears pockets in the fibres of my being

Time moves slow.

Because while the moments are fun
They could be better
With your laugh
With your touch
With your words

Like every molecule bound to my form craves the covalent bond that is being deprived

So I curl up
As if tightening my form could keep the missing from leaking out

And I envelope myself in the pieces of you
To stifle the leaks until
Your laugh
Your words
And your touch

Are here
With me

And the absence of you tears holes no longer
Aug 2021 · 167
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
And in the early morning
I lie awake
Watching
As the sunlight dances across his back and his breath becomes the undertones to my heartbeat.

It is then
In this early morning
Where the world has paused, still in frozen slumber
That I know

I love him.
Aug 2021 · 130
Untitled
caity Aug 2021
The fan whirls while the room rests in silence
That sound used to bug me.
The silence

It felt deafening
Too overwhelming and uncontrollable to be enjoyed
It was relentless
And I hated it

I think
Because it scared me
Because silence is lonely

To be alone is one thing
There can be noise all around you
But to be lonely is another

But
Today I sat in the silence while my fan whirled around the room
And as I watched you slumber

I enjoyed the silence
It was the ambiance to the sunlight kissing your cheek
The silence will always be uncontrollable, relentless, and overwhelming.
But, those are the things I love about you too.

So I sat
As the fan whirled while the rest of the room sits in silence
And the sound bugs me no longer.
Aug 2021 · 34
Seek, Ye Shall Wait
caity Aug 2021
I have found
that
those we want the most
are not those who we need

I have found
that
the ones we need the most
do not fall into your lap
till you understand
to like is easy
to love is challenging  

I have found
that
what I needed
was better than anything I could have wanted
because I could not
have wanted imperfect perfection
until I saw the way you grinned

I have found.
and I have been found.
Aug 2021 · 33
A Symphony Just for Me
caity Aug 2021
in the pitter patter of the morning
I can hear my happiness
does that make sense?

the harmony starts as I hear it in the echoes of his breath
ostinato, full and lazy like a cresting wave
and in the whispers of the day
I lay awake, hearing the legatos
knowing at some point I must rejoin the world

but for now
I listen
as crescendos of happiness crest over me
and his hands staccato for me
and as his kisses draw to cadence
he whispers 'good morning'
a symphony just for me
Jul 2021 · 137
Rest
caity Jul 2021
I rest
But do I rest?

Because is my resting dictated by my physical form holding a stationary position.
or
is it culminated into the sigh of relief as my head hits your chest and your arms squeeze around me?

In that place.
I rest
Jul 2021 · 506
Reaching
caity Jul 2021
As my eyes break and sunlight pours in
My fingers stretch
Reaching
Crawling towards a warmth and presence that is absent
So they still
And the vessel that is me snaps into routine and continues the day

And when my eyes slide shut and moonlight peters out
My fingers again stretch
Reaching
Craving the feel of his skin under mine
So they rest
And I finally sleep; till sunlight pours in and my fingers go
Reaching
Jul 2021 · 40
Echoes
caity Jul 2021
In the darkness
I sat
Waiting.

I sat waiting for me
till I stopped waiting
And upon reaching up
Through the cracks in the walls
Heaving
I push through
And In the light
I stood there

Finding
Me
Waiting.
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