Dear Mason,

I met you on July 16, 2016
A day after my birthday

I had begged my mom
To take me to the animal shelter

And when she did

I was so happy
So, so happy

I was surrounded by one of the things that made me the happiest

Cats

I walked in there
And I looked around

Some cats were sleeping
Most of them were grooming

And others stared at me
Like they wanted to **** me up (or rip up my new trendy top)

I looked around some more
And all these cats seemed pretty neat

Just not the one for me
You understand?

My mom told me to hurry up
So we could leave (the smell wasn't that great)

And then I saw you

Oh Mason

You looked at me in such a way
That didn't get me scared like the other cats

So I crouched down
Looked into your cage

And you looked at me
With those eyes

Oh your eyes were beautiful

I stuck my finger in your cage
And you batted at it playfully

(Even when the lady working there told me not to. How could I not(those eyes)?)

I was fixated on you
You were fixated on me

And finally the lady
Asked if I wanted to hold you

I have never agreed to anything so fast

She got your attention
With her long acrylic nails rattling against your cage

And you jumped into her arms

She told me some things about you
And finally handed you over to me

I placed you against my chest
And you immediately began purring

(My heart)

I stroked your shiny black coat
While the lady explained to me

How a young girl like me
Could miss out on some fun opportunities

Because of this cat
I didn't really care.

I held you like you were going to leap away from me at any given moment  
But you didn't leap away so that meant I was doing something right, right?

My mom was snapping away
And I was falling in love with you

And you were licking my arm and
Making biscuits against my chest

After the long, long conversation
Between my mom and the lady

I had to give you back.
I almost started crying.

I made a noise in the back of my throat
And you looked up at me with those eyes

I kept stroking your fur
I really didn't want to leave without you in my arms

But I had to.

My goodbye to you was a kiss on top of the head
And you placed your head in the crook of my neck.

(Oh ****, here comes the tears from all this reminiscing)

I gave you back
You put back in your cage

And before I left
I looked back at you

And of course you looked up at me
With those eyes

I left the animal shelter with a heavy heart.

The next day I went on the shelter's website
Looking for your picture to show my grandma, to showcase how photogenic you are

And you weren't there

I searched
And searched
And searched

I thought it was a glitch
But I knew it wasn't

I knew it before I even realized.

You got adopted.

I cried.

Quite a lot actually.

I had made plans to got to he shelter the next week
So you could meet my sister

Eventually, I got over it
And I was happy for you

You got adopted! You have a home!

The hard part is the fact that it isn't my home.

Sometimes I look at a box and think
'Wow, if Mason was here, he would've loved that box'

Or I could be alone in bed and think
'If Mason was here, he'd be laying next to me, purring like crazy'

I miss you, Mason.

It always starts out as a question
"Can I do this alone?"

That's how it begins.

You'll start out as strong as you can
Putting all your effort into whatever you're doing

And then your strength begins to dwindle
You tell yourself "I've made it this far I can keep going".

(Motivation always helps.
Even If you feel like it isn't.
You always last that extra minute
That you needed.)

When you feel like giving up the first time,
That's when your palms become clammy

Your heart starts to pound
And your brain runs wild

"What if I can't keep going?
What if I need to stop?"

That person you saw giving in the other day
Is now becoming you.

Oh God, now you're that person

And that pushes you even harder
(Who knew you still had something left?)

And when you crash
You don't realize what'***** you.

"But I was doing fine! I don't know what happened to me!"

And then the tears flow.
And you begin to
                          f
                               a
                                    l
                                        l

What are you falling into?
It could be anything actually

Depression
Anxiety
Your self-esteem could crash

And then come those thoughts

(How far could you drop down?
Far enough)

Those thoughts that eat away at your being
And your mind
And your body
And your soul
And everything you thought couldn't be touched

Now your tears are flowing freely
And you're eating yourself alive

There is something wrong with this picture

You are alone.
Completely, utterly, alone.

Where is that person, dog, cat etc..
That is supposed to be there

Comforting and caring for you
When you drop so low

Are they dead?
Did you push them away?
Did they push you away?

Whatever the circumstance maybe
You are alone.

The right thing to do now
Is go look for that person, dog, cat etc..

And convince them (if they aren't convinced enough as they see the bags under your eyes and the way you've lost the pep in your stride)
Once you've got that down

Pour it out
All of it

Let it go
(Like the song)

And pray they are the person you think they are
And comfort you the way you think they should

You'll feel better afterwards
You'll pick up all your pieces.

But them in jar
Carry that jar with you

And hope
You never, ever have to endure that
Ever again

You'll regain that pep in your stride
And with that person, dog, cat etc..

You think to yourself
'I'm not alone in this fight'

(Unless you push this certain person, dog, cat etc.. away and that is when you fall into the vicious cycle of learning, forgetting and learning again the hard way.)

And when the time comes
You'll realize
That you aren't perfect
You can never be perfect

But, God you'll try so hard

You'll put on makeup
You'll do up your hair
You'll find a way to make your smiles look real.

Once you're done
Wasting all your money and things
You didn't need in the first place

All of this emotion
Will rush at you

And smack you right in the face

You'll do things you're not proud of
You'll drink till you can't anymore
You'll dance till your feet bruise
You'll cry till you've wasted all your tears

Even after all that
You still strive to be perfect

You'll never learn
You'll never quit
You'll never stop

Until you do.

And let all this emotion
Wrap around you
Embrace you

And then you'll learn
You are perfect.
Just the way you are.
I know I sound
Corny as ****

*But you'll learn that you are perfect.

If you paint paragraphs

Onto a wall

Will it become a new room?

Or will it remain

The same?

Your soul, is all that I crave for
All that imperfect perfection is what interest me More than some wishing star.

All that I want in this actual world,
Is the actual person you are.

Come,Come!
She'd scream
Come,Come with me!
I'll make your dreams come true
Put your heart in my hand
Follow me into a strange land
Come,come with me, won't you?

Follow me into Neverland
Follow me into Neverland
We'll meet with Peter Pan
Follow me to Neverland.