A warm summer day
Me, in a blue denim dress
Counting your eyelashes
Soft touches
Lips grazing
A whispered declaration
One single moment,
expanded into our personal eternity
You
and Me.

I kissed your lips and I tasted his smile
Caught between morality and a lack of basic human functionality
But when it's just you and me
alone in a sea of blankets and whispers that graze my lips
warm promises that wrap themselves around me
until there is no room for thought
Lost in your arms, I feel my self-restraint leaving my body
I can't even begin to retrieve it.

I still like you.
Rather, I still have feelings for you.
In a romantic way.
And I don't know why I'm saying this because it doesn't matter and it doesn't change anything.
And I know you don't feel that way about me anymore.
But it's the truth.
So i just thought you should know.

I talk about you way too much,
I often find myself with a big dumb grin on my face when I look at you.
I want to hold your hand and kiss your cheek.
When I see your smile the world stands still, and when you're in my arms I feel complete.
I find myself thinking about us living together, what our kids would be like.

Most of all, I want to spend every minute, every second with you.
I know I'll never find anyone else quite like you. You're so special to me.
I'm sorry. For everything.
I know this all doesn't matter,
I know that there's no chance to fix things.
But I still love you.

Nothing changes
You have accomplished nothing
You are nothing
Nothing.

Thoughts settling deep inside me
In the pit of my stomach
I can throw them up again tomorrow
But the words come back
Nothing.

Try to shift focus
Ignore the painful pull
Forget the words devouring your sanity
A sharp sting at your wrists
Quick relief
Until the illness drowns you

No escape.
Can't breathe.
Nothing.

I fall asleep with
scars on my skin and worries
under my pillow

I cut myself up
many ragged pieces hit the floor
torn and frayed beyond repair.
You hurry to stitch me back together
before I become unrecognizable
before the remaining scraps are too worn for recovery.
Reassembly is valiantly attempted
but the pieces don't fit
rips and tears that no longer form a whole.
You can't find me again.

I miss you.
The urge to reach
across the void possesses me
I desperately want to
close the space I have created between us
pull you flush against my chest and
shake you until it sinks in
and you come to realize that
I MISS YOU

But a hypocrite I am not
So i retreat
back to my own side
and hope that my thoughts
will penetrate your doubt.