every night i douse
my essence and body
in lavender oil
to try and help calm
my adhd
just enough so
i can fall asleep,
and the melatonin
helps keep me asleep

how refreshing it is
to not feel like i need to
put on a snapchat filter
on my face whenever i
send a photo to you.
im finally happy enough
and confident enough
with how i look that
im not afraid of showing
my natural skin or sending
bad photos.
youve seen me look so many ways-
from the moment i wake up,
to going on a date with you,
to every good and bad look in between.
i love that im not afraid of
my own face anymore

i cannot tell you
how good it feels
to finally be
someones
first
choice

i will never know how or why
he loves me, but he does.
he is the kindest, sweetest guy
i have ever met.
he is genuine, talented, smart,
caring, honest, hard working,
funny, supportive, and
the best kisser.
he loves me despite my anxiety,
despite my recently diagnosed adhd,
despite my past, despite everything.
i don't quite understand, i probably
never will, but that's okay.

nearly two years.
you had hold of me
for nearly
two
years.
you kept my mind and my heart captive
while i tried to run away.
thank god i'm finally
over you.
you never quite let me drift too far.
moving two and a half hours away,
for college,
was the best decision i ever made.
it let me drift even further and finally
be okay enough to let go completely.
it let me fall in love with another.
it let me live my best life.
thank you for staying here so i could go
so i could let you go.

what a semester it's been.
it feels like i have been swept up in
a tornado and taken to another world
just like dorothy and toto.
it's crazy how a single decision
can tumble and grow into something
far bigger than i ever imagined.
how going to an audition in july
led me to falling in love with a boy
from the marching band.
staying up until 7am talking, a kiss or two,
and the rest is history.
the most startling part of the whole story
is that he likes me too.
i know i'm in the right place,
it feels to perfect to be real, but alas
it's real.
it's perfect, and it's real

the cement was poured over the dug up earth,
but despite all efforts to prevent its growth,
one very determined little flower cracked the cement
and bloomed in the concrete jungle it was born into.