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May 2018 · 289
Why do they hate me?
Aiden May 2018
why do they hate me?
i’m not going to hurt them
like they have done to us.

why do they hate me?
is it because i am
a sin in their eyes?

why do they hate me?
they talk in hushed voices not
wanting everyone to hear them say that they're

trans.
i am trans.
why do they hate the idea
of me existing.

i don’t understand.
I've been trying to come to terms with this idea that people who barely know me already hate me for just being who i am. It's hard to think about.
Mar 2018 · 341
The Canyon of my Past
Aiden Mar 2018
when i look at my past,
i grip the ground tightly
not wanting to fall back
into that deep,
                          dark,
                                    canyon
that is teeming with nightmares
more horrible than my words can describe.

sometimes i get a taste of it.
i get a taste of how it once felt
to be in that canyon
and having no hope of rescue.
that scares me.

i don't want to go back.
i don't want to go back.
i don't want to go back
to that canyon teeming with nightmares.

i write poetry to let go of my emotions and move on,
but sometimes putting my emotions
into words
is more painful than keeping them in.
Jan 2018 · 896
it hurts when you say that
Aiden Jan 2018
these words you say,
they absorb into my skin.
they absorb into me,
into my heart,
they absorb,
and i can’t get them out.

i wish i could shed my skin like a snake.
i wish i could start fresh, without your words
holding me back.

you are holding me back.
you are the one refusing
to talk about the elephant in the room
staring you down.

you think this is a phase?
it’s been a year since i’ve told you,
and you still won’t get me help
for the thing
i most desperately need help with.
Jan 2018 · 219
blank sheets of paper
Aiden Jan 2018
we are blank sheets of paper,
trying to fit in with the rest,
but later,
we develop an identity.
we are unlike the rest,
and we will cry with glee,
WE ARE THE BEST!
I AM ME!
i needed something happy, so i made it myself
Dec 2017 · 257
A Dysphoric Prince
Aiden Dec 2017
once upon a time
a boy lived in a castle
and someone was trying to climb
up to rescue him

but he fears that’s not enough
because he was stuck
stuck in the muck
of a very dysphoric rut

he didn’t want to be stuck
but he thinks
it’s just his own bad luck
he was born
without holding a freakin’ blue truck

he built the castle to protect
from the others that will disrespect
that’s not correct
but it’s what he expects

he hopes people will understand
that he’s a real boy
and this wasn’t planned
this "change" is for him
and not for anyone else in the land

maybe when the someone gets up here
he might be able to tell them about all his thoughts
and make it all clear
maybe, hopefully,
in the new year
Dec 2017 · 214
to a human
Aiden Dec 2017
What does a winky face mean?

;)

is it flirty?
is it just how you text?

I

don’t

know

was it
a mistake?
an accident?
these questions are driving me crazy

i think of it as flirty,
(but maybe that’s just wishful thinking)
what does it mean to you?

please tell me
Oct 2017 · 884
Dear Friend,
Aiden Oct 2017
Dear RL,
I regret to inform you
that I have moved on.
I have found others,
that will respect me
more than you ever will.
You won’t like me
if I tell you the truth.
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear MH,
When I moved,
why didn’t you keep in touch?
Was I even your friend,
or just your puppet?
So bossy and controlling,
what did I ever do?
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear CG,
Why?
Why did you only ever
start drama?
Trying to turn me
against my friends.
Have me for yourself.
Selfish.
You stuck to me like glue.
It’s not me,
it’s definitely you.

Dear RS,
All you ever wanted
was for us to be friends.
I cut you out of my life,
and I’m trying to bring you back in,
but I keep on making stupid mistakes.
I’m sorry, for everything,
and I think you would agree,
it’s not you,
it’s definitely me.
notes to my past friends
Oct 2017 · 1.7k
An Eraser Stub
Aiden Oct 2017
An eraser
goes through its life
caring about all the tiny details
but not about itself.
it degrades itself trying
to fix others mistakes
until suddenly
it’s gone.

it knows it’s dying,
it know it,
and it doesn’t care.
it cares too much about other people
to care about itself.

Some people say an eraser
would be a model human.
i don’t.

If everyone was like an eraser,
if everyone cared about others
just a little too much,
how would life work?

People would degrade
just like the eraser,
not caring
about themselves.

an eraser plays an important role in art.
so it does.
you can care about other people,
but don't
not care about yourself.
do not be an eraser,
you need loved too.
Sep 2017 · 211
feelings
Aiden Sep 2017
my therapist says
not to let your feelings become you
but how can i
when the world is chaos
and my thoughts are only one’s of reason
Sep 2017 · 250
broken poet
Aiden Sep 2017
you ignore all my feelings
you pretend everything’s ok
you try to understand
but it’s been more than a day

it’s been months
and you still think
i’m just
making this up

you say god made me this way
why did he?
if i just have to suffer through this
through your complete ignorance
through your false hopes

because
you think
that your little girl
has died

you think
that i’m just going to
change my mind

really,
your pain is just
making you blind

blind to the harsh reality
i face
every day
in my mind

sometimes it hurts
to be alive

i’m broken

just like this poem
with it’s off rhymes
and a meter that’s just wrong

i’m broken
Sep 2017 · 261
silently
Aiden Sep 2017
i’m sitting in study hall
going about my day
suffering silently
because that’s what normally happens.

anyway
i’m sitting in study hall
just thinking
and
minds should come with
warning labels
don’t you think?

because i’m thinking about my life
thinking about my future
thinking about right now
and how hard it’s going to be
to continue like this

to continue
in my life
suffering silently

i’m a parrot in
a world
filled with sparrows.

a human
in a world
filled with zombies
waiting for me to come out
so they can attack

i’m silently trying
to stay alive,
i’m silently hoping
for a better future.
but hope is scarce,
and life is hard
so i’m losing hope
Sep 2017 · 537
too many people
Aiden Sep 2017
too many people asking who i want to be
where i want to go to college
and
“do i have a boyfriend yet?”

no grandma i don't have a boyfriend
no i don't want one either
you see
i like girls
and hey,
i'm actually a guy

i didn't actually say that
grandma wouldn't understand
instead i have to suffer through her endless
“there's some cute guys i can set you up with”

why is “normal”
for girls to like guys
and guys to like girls
(i had to read over this
to make sure i was getting
it straight)

why is it “normal”
to plan out a child's life
by what's in between their legs

why are people
transphobic
homophobic
why are people like that

like
get over your fears
i'm not gonna hurt you
leave me alone
and i’ll gladly do the same

aliens must think we’re really weird
there are too many people in the world
for this amount of hate
had a bad day and grandma just topped it, thanks grandma
Sep 2017 · 299
diversify yourself
Aiden Sep 2017
my heads up in space
but
please give me grace
im
working at a slower pace
and
im not in a very good place.

you say you believe me but that’s a lie
you know,
sometimes i’d just rather die
you don’t
believe how i identify
you know
it doesn’t hurt to diversify.
Aug 2017 · 171
A PSA
Aiden Aug 2017
When I was a girl
I played with dolls, put on dresses like other girls would
I never fit in, though i didn’t know why
guess I was too girly for the other guys


Now since I’ve grown up
it hit me all of a sudden
i’m not a girl even if i was one
I’m a guy and I don’t want to put on dresses or makeup
I want to be myself and act like I want
thanks
Apr 2017 · 247
Blocked
Aiden Apr 2017
I’ve hit a block
i need through but
there’s a firm door stopped
I can’t get in
there’s a lock

this door
is causing to my death
it’s the cause to my suffering
it’s the cause to my stress

on the other side
oh you’ll be lucky
cause one might find
the good
the proud
those nice green fields you were hoping for
all on the other side of the door

but i’m stuck on one and you’re stuck on another
you can’t begin to understand me
so please don’t bother
i’m not stuck in the middle i’m stuck on one side
can’t move my feet even if i try

this door
is causing to my death
it’s the cause to my suffering
it’s the cause to my stress
it’s hopeful
cause maybe me trying hard to get through
is just
not.
Jan 2017 · 331
Fiddler
Aiden Jan 2017
Cool water seeping through my socks.
Footprints thundering on the rocks compared to
the soft swish of water as it slides over
the smooth crystal sand.
The sun,
even though it is 92.96 million miles from earth,
I can still feel it’s blanket of warmth,
that makes me feel so safe.
I hear the birds,
their piercing calls
do not damage the silence.
But those footprints,
always the footprints,
a soft marching on the ground.
Marching to an unforeseen beat,
a slow beat,
a fast beat,
a quick beat,
a quiet beat.
I witness a mallard duck
stirring up the water while entering the cold fluid
that covers what used to be a place of evil
and greed.
Fish now swim on that place
and geese call it home.
I also spot a wood brown rabbit,
nibbling on some dandelions
that feed off the fluids nutrients.
That H20 amazes me,
it’s a murky aqua,
almost like the sky on a bright sunny day,
it gives life,
and laughter of the children.
Which reminds me of the slow beat,
the never going,
never ceasing,
making my mind crazy beat,
that never goes away.
But in this quiet place
I can look overlook the beat
and instead hear
the birds chirping,
the water swishing,
and the wood brown rabbit nibbling
on the soft green dandelion leaves.
Jan 2017 · 274
Shadow Stars
Aiden Jan 2017
as i look out the porthole to the night
to watch the journey that the stars do take
they always run around the moon as if
they do not care
                     about the shadows hiding
just right behind their backs in dusky night

in my warm friendly bed i hear sometimes
shadows are falling, lurking, leaking into
the rooms like dripping faucets always dripping.

and then i turn the searchlight to inspect
but they are gone in light like shadow stars.
Aiden Jan 2017
The monster under my bed,
is he just there or inside my head?
Am I really safe and sound?
That’s just another thought in the foregrounds
of my head.

The dark, what’s in in it?
Whats life, and what’s worth living?
What’s love and is it worth giving
or receiving.

I can’t sleep cause these thoughts
just keep coming in my head.
I don’t want to be awake but here I am lying in bed.
I don’t want to be in the dark
it’s just hard to let down my guard
to the world,
that hurt me too many times.
Don’t make me get up.

— The End —