When we hang out
You fall asleep
Almost every time
And I don't know what to do.
Do I leave you alone?
Wake you up?
I want to interact with you
But you sleep.
I guess laying next to you is alright.
I don't mind.

All I want
Is to sleep next to you.
All night.
And wake up with you.
Cuddle with you.
It's all I long for.
Night and day.
Every hour
Waking or sleeping.
You're on my mind.

Why is it
That the one night I really
Need sleep
And can't afford to lose it
I can't sleep.
This really matters...

I read a book here
She would be really proud of
Me, doing what she likes

There is so much
To say
I want to express myself
Who I am
But it isn't easy
To bare your soul
To express a feeling
A person
If you are unsure of it yourself.

Precious is the thought
The one of hope
Sliding through your mind
Let the  hope not fall from your head
Like water from a swimmer's ears
But let it slosh around in there
Without giving a moment's rest
Without leaving space for anything but
Hope for what is to come
With the assurance that nothing shall go wrong
And there is naught to fear.

My debt has been paid
Unspeakable crimes, I'm guilty
Still he died for me

It takes time
To get into the state
Of mind
Of my mind
To write my thoughts
And observations.
As I write
The words begin to
Flow
And I have less control
Though I choose every one
With care.
...
Funny how that works.

I love you
And you love me
You know,
It still seems like a
Foreign concept.
I don't quite understand this
"Love" thing
But I learn more whenever I see you.

Now I think about it
I need to stop
It needs to stop
I know it's enjoyable
But
Stop it me
I don't want this
Though I do sometimes
It needs to just
STOP

I am falling
Reaching for limbs as I go
Though I notice an absence of my
Own limbs.
Perhaps that is why I don't
Reach out to others
Reach out for help
So I fall
Curled in a fetal position
Hoping that when I
Finally land
It will not hurt too much.

This is all
Pretentious
I don't care about writing
I don't care about being deep
It's unnecessarily complex.

You know
You keep having to change your alias
And though I know it every time
And memorize it within hours
Every time I go to this site
It asks to go to Kestrel.
My computer is idiotic.
Will you ever go back?

The sun is always welcome
Beating down on me
Pushing the sweat out
Tearing off the gloom
I am seldom happier
Than when I am in the sun

Overbearing heat
No snow in sight
It's perfect
My element
I am home

I wonder
Do you have any idea
The lengths I would go to
Just to see you smile?
What I would give up
Just to have you
Cuddle up against me for an hour?
It's been so many months
But I still feel excited every time
That I see your amazing
Face.

We are tainted
Poisoned
Weakened by our societal
"Needs"

We are bound
Bound to this earth
By our greed
Our lies.
Our pain.

Take the antidote
It is within reach
Remove your bindings
They're loose.
It's your choice.

Take my hand
Take my hand
Don't fall down to
Your neverland

You're falling and you'll
Never land
So take my hand
Not neverland

We'll make it grand!
Completely grand
So take my hand
Take my hand

Please
Will you tell me
Anything and everything
That I don't know
That I won't do
That I will do
That I shouldn't do
Warn me
Yell at me
Throw something at me
Write to me
Email me
Just tell me
Before I really ***** up.

To hold you
Tenderly
For you to fall asleep in my arms
And I yours
What more could I ask?

She is so amazing
So beautiful
So smart
So interesting
But she doesn't think she is.

I didn't want to do it today
Didn't want to ruin today
But I couldn't lie to you
I'm sorry
But this is what is right
To me, at least
I know you are sad
That you don't want to hear from me
But I do care
So I kept my promise
I expect you to keep yours

The fallen
The old but yet new
Black capes swirling around
Covering the night
Frightening the children
Killing adults
Their faces obscured
Did they ever exist
Is that a hand
Or a hoof
Hide in the shadows
Or obscure in the light
Always behind you
Walking alone at night
But don't look
Or if you do, be wary
Consequences for this transgression get scary
Enters the damp darkness

The unending fall
Without a beginning
Is no fall at all

Nobody falls
Without jumping
Or being pushed

Why is it empty?
Has it been emptied?
Or has it just not been filled?

The best
The most powerful
The wealthiest
The fastest
The strongest
The smartest
The most interesting
The most funny
Why would you ever want to be
Any of these things?
If you are the ultimate
You have nothing to work towards
I certainly prefer to
Relax

You are your destruction
You break apart, and others are to blame
Right?
It may be so
You might be ruined by others
Broken by their beliefs
But that is not all their fault
Nobody should apologize for who they are
The only one who can let you be hurt
Is you.

An explorer, a traveler
Ever so brave
Strolling through danger
Never a care
Nothing to lose
But nothing to gain
He wanders continuously
Always is lost
He finds amazing things
But he never cares
He's seen it all by now
There is no surprises
No new creatures to tame
No civilizations to find
Nothing is difficult
And this makes him weary
Without a challenge there is no excitement
Everything is a reminder of everything else
He wanders eternally
As patterns repeat
Dying more now eternally
Than ever before
Nothing is new, nothing not done before
No more colors, no, no more facts to ignore
And disprove, everything
Falls to the ground
Perhaps someday he'll finish
And whither, fall with no sound

I must hurt
Digging in
Tormenting you without end
Except at the end
The whip searing your flesh
Pulling your skin apart
Only to become the spit in your wounds
And I have the nerve
To be the hammer
Pounding nails into your feet
The words in your head
Jeering
Laughing at your suffering
And now I have the
Unbelievable nerve to think I know what I'm doing
When I am the one who did the most damage.
Forgive me
On my knees I have no other thought
Forgive me
Please please pleasepleasepleaseplease
Forgive
I torment you so
Yet, in your presence,
All I can feel is
Joy.

It soaks you to the bone
It gets in your socks
It gets in your mouth
Your eyes
Your shirt
It's dark
It's cold
It makes the day seem like a waste
But
It isn't all bad

It encourages the starting of fires inside
It encourages closeness
It encourages blankets
Candle-lit power outages
Or the watching of movies
It makes plants grow
It feeds the birds
And, of course,
It makes YOU happy

The wait
The lie
Lying in wait the lie in the inn
Inside the weights that we
Pick up in gym

I walk this empty road
I know not where I am going
And I forget from whence I came
And I am glad

I am glad for solitary emptiness
The radio is naught but static
I have music around, but I hate it
It makes me remember

These wonderful ruins
This beautiful decay
I relish my thoughts
Even I do not understand them

Sometimes I see another wanderer
I see the trail left behind
The art and the terror
And I pity

This end is just a beginning
This death is my life
For some, this is hell
But heaven is a state of mind

Sometimes
I take a break
From thinking
From talking
From worrying
From life
From thoughts.

When I write
It's not my words being spewed from my hands
It's my thoughts spewing from my mind
Laid bare for all to see
Sometimes even things I didn't
Know I thought about.
It's a learning experience
For everyone.

Three words
Do you know them?
I bet you do.
"I love you"
It is hard to say
But for you
I can get these
Three little words
Out of my mouth.
Why?
Because I know
Beyond a shadow of a doubt
That it is true.

When I think about you

Ba-bump

When I see you

Ba-bump

When we hug

Ba-bump, ba-bump

When I lay next to you

Ba-bump, ba-bump

When we kiss

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump

My heart goes crazy
I feel it in my ears

Not a lot gets my heart going like that
But you
You make it happen more than anything else!
I listen to your heartbeat
To try to find out
If you feel the same.
Around you
Half-crazed
Very much out of my mind
I have trouble controlling myself
So I need to let out this
Energy
Amazement
Hunger
Somehow.
Can you guess?
I'm sure you know...
Oh yeah

I love you
More than anything.
Thought I'd let you know.

What is time?
We all have it.
Some, more than others.
But we all have the same.
11:23
Or, at least here.
We all run out.
We all have too much.
No one has enough.
The more you take, the better it is.
You can give it to people.
Can you take it away?
It goes like lightning.
Does it come?
Do we share time?
Do we have our own?
Can we travel in it?
So many things.
But what...
Is it?

As time goes by
My thought flutter from my skull
Running into the walls of this house
"I have no home"
It's been true for a long time
But I think about how I feel here
At "home"
I feel angry
Stressed
I feel bitter
And I am becoming cold.
My mask starts to break, my emotions obvious
I don't want to be readable
I want to hide
I am here to help others after all
How I feel doesn't matter in the slightest
The slightest
All I need for my life to have been good?
Sweatpants
Music
My love
And I'm ready for anything thrown at me
Life swings wildly
But I've had training
And I know how to repair myself if I'm hurt
I'll run and never stop
The cold cannot touch me
Naked but for my sweats
I can withstand anything
Any man
Any challenge
I can do this.
Three things are all I need
How can I help you?

The way to be philosophical
Consider anything
And then think
Aren't we all....
Or
Everyone's got a little bit of... In them
Really
Aren't we all poets?
Everyone's got a little bit of poet in them...
Just a thought.

I am exhausted
Body and Soul
And yet
Struggles continue

I just want to sleep

I have never been close to
Anyone.
I have never thought of others
As being as intricate as me.
I felt a distance
Though I never noticed it
Until now.
I feel different with you
Especially when I think about
Our fights.
It seems like my problem is that
At least in the beginning
I didn't see you as another
Consciousness.
I merely saw you as a
Person I was fond of.
And I now realize
That this is how I see people in general.
Does that make me partially a
Sociopath?
I'm not sure.
But that's how it is.
And I'm sure I would still see you the same
As everyone else
If I didn't want to know you
To love you
So **** well.
In fact, I may have left a door open
To this solitary confinement of
My psyche.
And you pushed it open
Giving me extreme feelings that I don't
Understand.
I never will understand.
But I'll try.
Because you are not an
NPC
You are complete
Like me.
Like every person I don't understand.
You too are battered
Bruised
Scarred by things that I will never have to take.
Experienced in life
In love
In hate
In pain
In loss
In joy
In everything.
But not the same as me
But somehow
not different...

The corruption is growing
Morphing and changing
Devouring your soul
And your body with it.

The corruption is ripping
Tearing and broken
Like the world it inhabits
It cannot survive alone

The corruption is feeding
Engulfing the powerful
Burning the weak
Tainting the children

The corruption is here
Inside of your mind
Through broken beliefs
It torches your world

When I'm around you
Time stands still
I'm mesmerized.
I can't believe how
Lucky I am
To have someone as
Amazing
Beautiful
Intelligent
...
I could go on
But I won't for now.
I really want to say it
In person.
I will.
One of these times.
I can easily text it
But that *****.
I'll try.
Why?
Because you're worth it.

Without my faith
I could not be who I am.
I could be no obedient child
No loving boyfriend
No optimistic being.
It is not feasible for me to believe
That anything positive regarding me
Could come from some other place
Than my faith.

Have you ever noticed
That when you're running
You aren't listening to your
Breathing?
But when you stop
You notice it
And feel more tired?

In life
Have you ever noticed
That you get caught up
"Running"
And don't stop?
You are going with the flow
But if you stop and look back
You may notice
You aren't the same person
you may be compromising your
Morals
And not even notice.
Hurting others
Without a thought
And leaving behind those
You really care about.
I suggest
Stopping
Turning around
And looking at your life
Because you may be tired
And not even notice it.

Just a thought.

I'm living under the influence
Not drugs
No major addictions
But I'm still drugged and addicted
To peace
Calm
Quiet
It's hard to be empathetic
Without sad feelings myself
Not that I WANT sad feelings
But
I don't really want to be
At peace.
It's nice
But I'll end up hurting someone
If I don't think sadness is necessary.
I'm not sure where to stand
Because it always seems to be one or the other.

Subconscious
Under your conscious
Lurking
Waiting
Manipulating
Manipulated
By small things
Big things
Nonexistent things
I'm curious
What mine has
To say.

I'm uncomfortable
Anxious
And I don't know why
I don't know what is wrong
But I can't fix it

I do not write
To express my feelings.
I write
To find them out.
Because I can't keep up
With my mind
And I don't know
What I think about.
That is why I have no drafts
Because I want to know
My raw feelings
Unedited.

Hearing about these famous poets
Depressed
Depressing
Hearing about people who
**** themselves.
It's sad
And it disgusts me
That somebody would turn to that
That anyone would allow it to happen
To let somebody feel so unloved
That the end would be more attractive
I cannot comprehend
I am not depressed
So I do not have the temptation
Because when I have thought of it
It seemed idiotic
Because there is always at least one person
Who deeply cares
Who thinks of you before falling asleep
I promise
I care
Even if it seems like nobody does
I don't judge others
Choices are your own
But your life is not
Ending yourself brings lifelong scars to everyone.